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hypothetical situation Allissa Specht 35 kids; Essexville, Michigan 5437 posts
6th Jun '13

So, say your SO has a child with another person. You didn't know about this child until now. You go through the DNA test, blah blah blah, and find out for sure the kid is yours. Your SO had no intentions of becoming involved in the kid's life, beyond paying the child support. But, let's say you find out that the state is involved, and the mother is possibly going to lose custody of the child because she is on drugs, and can't get her life together. At that point, does your SO still just pay the child support, and leave it to the state to decide what happens to the kid. Or, do you and your SO go for custody of said child?



This is totally a hypothetical question, but just curious what you would do

Captain Obvious 2 kids; Havana, Cuba 25634 posts
6th Jun '13

I don't think I could be with someone who was content to "just pay child support", so I don't ever see myself in that position.

lacTAYtor. ☮ 3 kids; North Carolina 4496 posts
6th Jun '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Captain Obvious:</b>" I don't think I could be with someone who was content to "just pay child support", so I don't ever see myself in that position."</blockquote>




:!: This

Mrs. Conan O'Brien 2 kids; Colorado 20924 posts
6th Jun '13
Quoting Captain Obvious:" I don't think I could be with someone who was content to "just pay child support", so I don't ever see myself in that position."


agree, f**k that.



but I guess if I had to pick it would be trying to get that child.

Jenny&Boopy Due June 26; 2 kids; Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania 7896 posts
6th Jun '13

Definitely take custody of the child. But he'd want to do that in the first place.

Wiggity Wack 1 child; Connecticut 10780 posts
6th Jun '13
Quoting Captain Obvious:" I don't think I could be with someone who was content to "just pay child support", so I don't ever see myself in that position."


Same here.
I couldn't imagine my DH so callously ignoring any child of his. I would be furious.

Donna Jo Tanner 1 child; Beach Haven, New Jersey 6440 posts
6th Jun '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Captain Obvious:</b>" I don't think I could be with someone who was content to "just pay child support", so I don't ever see myself in that position."</blockquote>




Definitely this!

Bree-L Due May 18; 2 kids; California 270 posts
6th Jun '13
Quoting Allissa Specht:" So, say your SO has a child with another person. You didn't know about this child until now. You go through ... [snip!] ... do you and your SO go for custody of said child? This is totally a hypothetical question, but just curious what you would do"

Personally, my SO and I would get custody of the child. I wouldn't allow it any other way.

user banned 2 kids; Hamilton, Ontario 19220 posts
6th Jun '13
Quoting Captain Obvious:" I don't think I could be with someone who was content to "just pay child support", so I don't ever see myself in that position."


exactly.



My SO could never turn his back on his children,no matter how or who they were conceived with



If I was in this position,Id be doing everything possible to make him know what his REAL responsibility is

Minion 3 kids; ., GA, United States 21802 posts
6th Jun '13

Well SO was in a kind of similar situation and that's how we got DS.



He was dating the mom when she got pregnant. Turned out the baby wasn't his, but a guy who had died during the pregnancy. SO felt sorry for DS and allowed the mom to live in his house in a room with DS and his sister until she got on her feet.
The mom got into bad shit and lost both of the kids. SO went to court to foster DS and won and eventually adopted him.

Crazyhazel89 1 child; Erie, Pennsylvania 3994 posts
6th Jun '13
Quoting Captain Obvious:" I don't think I could be with someone who was content to "just pay child support", so I don't ever see myself in that position."

this all the way. I would probably look differently at my SO if he didn't want to be involved. If we could financially support another kid..then I would go for custody..

Allissa Specht 35 kids; Essexville, Michigan 5437 posts
6th Jun '13
Quoting A Beautiful Disaster:" exactly. My SO could never turn his back on his children,no matter how or who they were conceived with ... [snip!] ... conceived with If I was in this position,Id be doing everything possible to make him know what his REAL responsibility is"


We aren't in this position lol. DH and I are in a position where there could be a baby out there that is his, that was conceived when we were split for two weeks. We have been talking about how we want to deal with THAT situation, but I agree that he should at least get the baby every other weekend or something. However, this particular situation IS NOT something we are in, just something that I thought about today.

user banned 3 kids; Los Angeles, California 54034 posts
6th Jun '13

I'd divorce him if he DIDNT go after custody. I don't do deadbeats.

MahmuhMahmuh 3 kids; Wichita, Kansas 6706 posts
6th Jun '13

The only way I could tolerate my SO being okay "just paying child support" would be if the child was being raised by a stepfather and the mother of the child and my SO jointly decided that it wasn't a good time for the child to be introduced to his or her biological father. In the scenario you mentioned, he'd be petitioning the court for custody or I wouldn't be with him, I'm with the other mama's, in most any case I couldn't be with a man who would ignore and neglect his child.

Wiggity Wack 1 child; Connecticut 10780 posts
6th Jun '13

I would hope that I ever found myself in this situation, I would find out about the child before I married/had kids with this guy. If he could so easily cast aside one child, what would keep him from doing the same to mine?