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SO is never going to grow up.... Little Miss Moxie 1 child; Alaska 1011 posts
9th Jun '13

SO and I have been together for over 4 years, and have been living together for 3 1/2. We first started dating, I was 19 and he was 24, so I was convinced that he was just so much more mature than me. Our first year living together was pretty great, he helped around the house and kept up the yard, but now he pretty much does nothing to help around here. I'm a full-time student, DD's primary caretaker, and I run my own business, and I'm sick of all of the household chores falling on me.



We've had so many serious discussions, and I've bitched about it until I don't even care to mention it to him anymore. He ALWAYS says that he will try harder and the his biggest problem is that he just never thinks about it. But, nothing ever changes. I tried to make it easier on him by putting trash cans and laundry hampers in practically every room, but his shit is still all over the place. He will literally take his dirty clothes off and throw them in the floor right next to the hamper.
He sleeps all day on his off day, and never really takes care of DD. We've had a dishwasher for about 6 months now, and he has never even loaded or unloaded it, even if I ask. Not to mention that he has never hand washed dishes in the time we've been dating.
He claims that his laziness is just apart of his personality, and that he shouldn't have to change his personality for me. But chores are a part of being an adult and laziness is a part of your personality that you should be willing to change for your family.



I just don't know what to do anymore. I feel so tired and defeated. I just want to scream "I'M DONE!", but I do love him and I can't just leave him over this. Though, I do want to just strangle him and shake him until he wakes up to reality. I know he did not do this shit when he lived with his mom, and I have no idea why he thinks he can do this with me. I stopped doing his laundry for a little while, and told him it was his responsibility, but he then started calling into work an hour late, once a week, because he waited until the morning to do it. So, I started doing it again so he wouldn't get fired.



I've told him I won't marry him until he can start being more responsible for himself, but apparently he either doesn't care or doesn't believe me. I'm dead serious though. We are supposed to get married in less than a year, but I haven't even cared to start planning, because as of right now, there is no way in hell I would want to get stuck in this situation permanently.



I know there is probably no advice that I haven't already heard, but I'm willing to try anything!!!!!



TIA!!!

I Stab People 3 kids; Zambia 6604 posts
9th Jun '13

He won't change. Leave him if you can't deal with it

user banned 2 kids; Hamilton, Ontario 19220 posts
9th Jun '13
Quoting I Stab People:" He won't change. Leave him if you can't deal with it"


lol..I had to laugh at this and agree all at the same time :)



My SO is pretty useless with housework, but he is far from lazy.



He will put his clothes no shit...2 feet beside the hamper. He will leave his empty take out coffee cup on the counter RIGHT beside the garbage.



But, he does all the 'man like' work, cuts the lawn, fixes things, shovels snow, fixes my car etc.
And I NEVER have to complain about how he cares for his son, his son is his life.




But he will leave dishes in the sink all weekend while Im at work. Ive never seen him vaccum or clean a bathroom.



Really, Ive accepted it. Ive been with him for 9 years, he aint going to change. But I do have fun with it. I let all his clothes pile up infront of the dresser so he cant open it. I dont wash any of his soccer gear so I can watch him run around like an idiot the night before a game looking for shit and I dont wash dishes before the weekend (when Im going to work) just so he has more to look at and by sunday he breaks down and does them. :)

Belle. TTC #2 TTC since Oct 2013; 1 child; Alberta 3448 posts
9th Jun '13

This is me and my SO to a T. We even have the same age difference. My dh is lazy as f**k and also blames it on his personality. Drives me nuts. He's goin to become a bad influence and our kids aren't going to pick up after themselves if he keeps it up. Once I went on a cleaning strike and I let it get nasty and then he got the hint and kinda began cleaning up after himself.

Lauralie89 3 kids; Pennsylvania 2244 posts
9th Jun '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Belle.:</b>" This is me and my SO to a T. We even have the same age difference. My dh is lazy as f**k and also blames ... [snip!] ... up. Once I went on a cleaning strike and I let it get nasty and then he got the hint and kinda began cleaning up after himself."</blockquote>



I'm literally at this point. Seems like after I've done 10 loads of laundry, have it all folded and put up I turn around and my SO has a pile of his clothes laying in the living room by his computer and my oldest has 10 different shirts thrown everywhere because he feels he has to change his shirt all the time. And don't even get me started on dishes. I'm really tempted to start getting paper plates/bowls and plastic forks/spoons/knives just so I can have some form of relief lol.

Little Miss Moxie 1 child; Alaska 1011 posts
9th Jun '13
Quoting Lauralie89:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Belle.:</b>" This is me and my SO to a T. We even have the same ... [snip!] ... really tempted to start getting paper plates/bowls and plastic forks/spoons/knives just so I can have some form of relief lol."


I don't think I'd go for plastic plates and cups to make it easier on dishes. Trust me, I've tried it, and then you just end up with trash all of the house, a full trashcan, and a SO that refuses to take out the trash.....