This coming week is making it so hard to not have a full on anxiety attack.
First I'm going on my first trip out of state since I got with SO almost 7 years ago, and this will also be the first time I've been away from my children for more than 24 hours EVER.
That alone would usually make my anxiety raise but the day after I get back from my trip is Isaac's birthday. I've been thinking about him so much lately and feel like as soon as we finally hit his birthday that idk, it's official that he's gone.
I feel like this last year has been so long and so short all at the same time. It doesn't feel like it was a year ago that he was born. And it definitely doesn't feel real that we only got to be with him for 8 months.
I keep imagining how he would be now. He would probably be walking, saying words, playing like a real toddler, we would be getting rid of formula and bottles, etc. There is so much that everyone wont get to experience now that he's gone.
And I know it's killing my Sister. She's talked to me about it some and I know she feels just the way I do and probably worse.
I just, I wish that I could calm myself down for my trip so that I could be excited rather than scared, and I wish that we didn't have to celebrate my Nephew's first birthday without him.
Quoting The Master:" This coming week is making it so hard to not have a full on anxiety attack. First I'm going on my first ... [snip!] ... I could be excited rather than scared, and I wish that we didn't have to celebrate my Nephew's first birthday without him. "
I have them. They'll pass.