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friendly advice please im not perfect Kawanna Wheeler 1 child; Normal, Illinois 4 posts
10th Jun '13

What do you do when your child's father is trying to get back with you but it's been 3 years of tears, lies, cheats don't get me wrong we had great times to but it seems like every time I think about a good time we had its immediately followed by a bad time! The bad def out wages the good but I do love him with every bone in my body and we do have a beautiful daughter together but I love her way to much to let her see me and her dad argue all the time and see me cry at nights I can't let her think its ok for a man to treat his lady like that & he also knows how much i want her to have her mom and dad together thats why i put up with it for sssooo long and believe me he has done some fucked up things to that anyone would have slapped me for deciding to stay lol so anyways I moved out the apartment we shared quit my job and left him in texas and moved to Illinois with my parents and while I was here I started school to better my education and serrae is in daycare and I've been losing weight like crazy it's great I haven't felt this happy in about 3 years lol so my question is do I accept him saying that he has changed and he wants to be a family and it will all be so much different or do I say no you had your chance and blew all 10 of them? Am I depriving serrae out of her father being in her life as much as he needs to? Idk I'm confused

user banned 3 kids; Los Angeles, California 54034 posts
10th Jun '13

I think you should make him prove that he's changed somehow. I'm not sure how. But I wouldn't just take his word for it, at all.

iLL-Legal Unicorn Alien 3 kids; New York, TX, United States 37137 posts
10th Jun '13

You're better off without him. you said it yourself, you're happier now.
With that being said, there's absolutely no reason for him to not be the best father he can be just because he's not with you. You not giving him another chance is not you taking away his right to be a father. So don't feel like you're doing something wrong by not giving it another go.



you can do this, you are strong, you made the choice to leave and better yourself and that shows just how strong you are.

I'm me 4 kids; Kentucky 3109 posts
10th Jun '13

I would go with he blew it. Just because the 2 of you aren't together doesn't mean he can't fill his role as her father.

user banned Due December 20; Georgia 1823 posts
10th Jun '13

Easy. You don't get back with him. If he treats you like garbage then he isn't worth your time.

Red Bottom 2 kids; Middelfart, Denmark 15275 posts
10th Jun '13

You say the bad outweighs the good and listed every unfavorable emotion out there....then you follow it by, "i love him with every bone in my body."



my conclusion? you're confused at what love is because you've get to figure out your self worth.



You don't love someone who destroys you and you don't destroy someone who loves you.



Don't teach your daughter to be with people who treat you like that.



It either sounds like you're running after the fairy-tale of a "family" where yall ride perfectly into the sunset and everyone winds up living happily ever after.....or you're addicted to him.

Kawanna Wheeler 1 child; Normal, Illinois 4 posts
10th Jun '13

yeah sometimes I just feel so bad that i live all the way in IL and he lives in TX and he calls everyday to talk to our child and tells me how much he misses me and the baby and blah blah blah & I told him that i really dont miss him because im so much happier here and im doing better for the baby not just me... basically I told him that our child is only 1 so we still have a llllooooonnnnnggggggg time to figure out if we want to be in eachother lives in that way but what I really wanted to say was F YOU WE ARE NEVER EVER EVER GETTING BACK TOGETHER! lol

Red Bottom 2 kids; Middelfart, Denmark 15275 posts
10th Jun '13
Quoting Kawanna Wheeler:" yeah sometimes I just feel so bad that i live all the way in IL and he lives in TX and he calls everyday ... [snip!] ... be in eachother lives in that way but what I really wanted to say was F YOU WE ARE NEVER EVER EVER GETTING BACK TOGETHER! lol "


So basically you tell him you're over him, and then give him the idea that you're considering getting back together with him at some point in time. I'm sure that's not confusing.

Kawanna Wheeler 1 child; Normal, Illinois 4 posts
10th Jun '13
Quoting Red Bottom:" You say the bad outweighs the good and listed every unfavorable emotion out there....then you follow ... [snip!] ... where yall ride perfectly into the sunset and everyone winds up living happily ever after.....or you're addicted to him. "


yes this is what i mean I DEF. can not let our child grow up and think that its okay for a man to treat a women like that because that is not how i was raised at all so thats why i decided to leave, she shouldnt see two people that she loves crying and arguing at eachother all the time i think its becuase he was my first boyfriend and its been 3years and sometimes and good but most of the time its not i felt stuck with him until i found my breaking point I just didnt want to seem selfish with the baby part

Red Bottom 2 kids; Middelfart, Denmark 15275 posts
10th Jun '13
Quoting Kawanna Wheeler:" yes this is what i mean I DEF. can not let our child grow up and think that its okay for a man to treat ... [snip!] ... of the time its not i felt stuck with him until i found my breaking point I just didnt want to seem selfish with the baby part"



What does your baby have to do with your relationship?



They have nothing to do with one another.



You don't decide to be with someone just because you have a baby with them. Your parenting has nothing to do with your relationship status.

I'm me 4 kids; Kentucky 3109 posts
11th Jun '13

Just dedicate this song to him :P
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WA4iX5D9Z64

mom2andrew&carter 18 kids; Leesburg, Florida 2159 posts
11th Jun '13

I think if your more happy without him than dont get back with him. just because you have a daughter with him does not mean you should be with him. My ex says he loves me all the time and wants to get back with me but i refuse to get back with him. i am alot happier without him.

G ♥ Love Due January 23 (girl); 16 kids; Florida 144 posts
11th Jun '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Kawanna Wheeler:</b>" What do you do when your child's father is trying to get back with you but it's been 3 years of tears, ... [snip!] ... and blew all 10 of them? Am I depriving serrae out of her father being in her life as much as he needs to? Idk I'm confused"</blockquote>




They ALWAYS say theyre going to change & end up doing the same thing! He wont change until hes mentally ready... They definetly mature at a slower rate than us... Your not depriving her of a father if its not a good enviorment for her (fighting etc.) thats not a good memory for children but he can still be involved just not in the way he wants to. 1st & 2nd chances are fine but anymore its just a waste of time. Ive learned the hardway :(
If your happy without him then continue to do what your doing ;)

K.J♥ Due November 4; 2 kids; Russellville, Kentucky 430 posts
11th Jun '13

if your finally happy without, don't backtrack. been there, done that. worst. mistake. ever!!



and your not depriving your daughter at all. I mean sure if he wants to be a part of her life, then great, but you two don't have to be together for him to be a part of her life. she will understand it all one day.

Redneck Mamma North Carolina 8746 posts
11th Jun '13

They dont change... I learned that the hard way. Its rare that they do but if he really has he will prove it not just talk. I would stay away from him and find someone that treats you like you should be treated. If he thinks he can sweet talk his way back he will do the sweet talk treat you good thing for a while then when he thinks he has you fooled it will go right back to the way it was. Thats my experience with it anyway.