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Mommy guilt. KyliesMommy2012 Tokyo, Japan 1159 posts
11th Jun '13

KIND OF LONG, DON'T QUOTE. :)
K so, since day one I have always felt an intense amount of "mommy guilt." Actually, I would say it started when she was still in my tummy. I felt guilty I had soda occasionally. I felt guilty I couldn't have a beer. I felt guilty I wanted my body back. But along with that guilt, I felt joy as well. That joy was tarnished because I felt guilty about feeling guilty.




Now that DD is 8, almost 9 months old, I feel like my guilt is even worse. I feel guilty that I don't hold her 24/7. I feel guilty that when she naps, I get a little excited so I can get stuff done or even just lay down. I feel guilty for even admitting any of that. But I think on some level, lots of moms feel it. I'm a first time mommy and nobody ever told me how hard it was going to be. You only hear about all the good. Not the bad, and most certainly, not the guilt.




Now, I've tried to express this guilt and feeling of being inadequate to my mom and to my sister and who ever else in my family wanted to listen. They don't get it. Whether they don't want to admit it or whether they just don't remember. It is quite debilitating to say the least. In fact, it has me depressed because I feel so GUILTY about feeling guilty.



WHAT DO YOU FEEL GUILTY ABOUT? (No judgement here.)

laurenmik 3 kids; Aurora, Colorado 7222 posts
11th Jun '13

I had a lot of mommy guilt with my first and didn't leave his side for 3 years (aside from working).



I feel bad that I would never want to be a SAHM



And recently I've felt bad about freaking out so bad about being alone with my kids while my husband has to travel for work.



Over the years though, I've learned that my kids are OKAY without me sometimes and it's okay to get away.

KyliesMommy2012 Tokyo, Japan 1159 posts
11th Jun '13
Quoting laurenmik:" I had a lot of mommy guilt with my first and didn't leave his side for 3 years (aside from working). ... [snip!] ... to travel for work. Over the years though, I've learned that my kids are OKAY without me sometimes and it's okay to get away."

Thanks for sharing mama. I'm a SAHM and always wanted to be. Just recently got a job and start Monday. Feeling guilty cause I want to get out of the house. It's only PT but I think that's enough for me. Feel you there.

~*~HeatherC~*~ 1 child; Ontario 1579 posts
11th Jun '13

My DD is 15 months old and I still feel bad about leaving her. The way I look at it she's my daughter and I am supposed to raise her. I know I should have time to myself and spend time with DH but I am always rushing back to her. When she naps I love it, because it's time for myself but at the same time I miss her and feel bad that she's napping! There are some crazy messed up feelings with being a new mom!!

susanesque 2 kids; Georgia 8425 posts
11th Jun '13

I have always had some degree of mommy guilt, but since I have been pregnant it's like 100 times worse. I feel guilty sending her to stay with anyone or spending less time with her because I don't want her to feel abandoned, esp once the baby gets here. I already feel guilty for how she is probably going to feel seeing me with a new baby. I also feel guilt for sometimes not being the best mom (aka, letting her skip brushing her teeth one night, or not letting her play outside enough, letting her eat too much junk, you name it.)

user banned 2 kids; Bat Cave, North Carolina 64587 posts
11th Jun '13

I feel guilty about soooo many things, I can't even begin to name them all.
We all feel like that at times. I think, going into pregnancy, a lot of women have an idea of the type of mother they'll be, not considering the fact that it really depends on your baby, what works, etc. And then if things don't go as planned, we feel like we've failed or like we're doing something wrong.
If your baby is happy and healthy, you're doing a good job.

KyliesMommy2012 Tokyo, Japan 1159 posts
11th Jun '13
Quoting The Original Mayhem.:" I feel guilty about soooo many things, I can't even begin to name them all. We all feel like that at ... [snip!] ... we feel like we've failed or like we're doing something wrong. If your baby is happy and healthy, you're doing a good job. "


AMEN. I had a plan of everything I was going to do, how I was going to parent. Just doesn't always go as planned. I wanted to make her baby food, wear her everywhere, you name it. I think I am constantly being judged, even when I'm not. I think m biggest thing is trying to be perfect. And a perfect mommy doesn't exist. I try to be what society says is a perfect mom.



She IS happy, she IS healthy, she DOES love me, even though I feel like she doesn't sometimes. This makes me feel better. Thank you ALL for sharing.

user banned 2 kids; Bat Cave, North Carolina 64587 posts
11th Jun '13
Quoting KyliesMommy2012:" AMEN. I had a plan of everything I was going to do, how I was going to parent. Just doesn't always go ... [snip!] ... healthy, she DOES love me, even though I feel like she doesn't sometimes. This makes me feel better. Thank you ALL for sharing."


I'm glad you're feeling better! I'm (usually) pretty good at listening and giving unbiased advice, if you're ever feeling down, feel free to PM me :)



I've been there (and still feel that way more often than I'd like), it sucks!

user banned Due January 20; 33 kids; North Carolina 14662 posts
11th Jun '13

I think my only 'guilt' is not cooking when DH is gone.
We eat out A LOT when he's away

KyliesMommy2012 Tokyo, Japan 1159 posts
12th Jun '13
Quoting The Original Mayhem.:" I'm glad you're feeling better! I'm (usually) pretty good at listening and giving unbiased advice, if ... [snip!] ... you're ever feeling down, feel free to PM me :) I've been there (and still feel that way more often than I'd like), it sucks!"

Thank you SO much, it really means a lot. :) Seriously.

KyliesMommy2012 Tokyo, Japan 1159 posts
12th Jun '13
Quoting Pirate Hooker {BAMW}:" I think my only 'guilt' is not cooking when DH is gone. We eat out A LOT when he's away"

Well I'm glad that's it for you. Don't feel guilty. I think a lot of people are like that. I know if my dad were gone for any extended period of time, my mom would be in heaven lol. He always wants home cooked meal on the table when he gets home. So old fashioned; not me. I don't want to cook everyday haha.



Thanks for sharing!

user banned 2 kids; Bat Cave, North Carolina 64587 posts
12th Jun '13
Quoting KyliesMommy2012:" Thank you SO much, it really means a lot. :) Seriously."


No problem :)

Mrs. Lockhart 1 child; Lubbock, Texas 432 posts
12th Jun '13

its so nice to see im not crazy... although im actually going to counseling about my mommy guilt and a few other things... my mom worked two jobs growing up so i often feel as if im the worst mom if i leave him ever if im not at work... i dont let myself leave the house most days im off unless hes with me... i hate it!

KyliesMommy2012 Tokyo, Japan 1159 posts
12th Jun '13
Quoting Mrs. Lockhart:" its so nice to see im not crazy... although im actually going to counseling about my mommy guilt and ... [snip!] ... if i leave him ever if im not at work... i dont let myself leave the house most days im off unless hes with me... i hate it!"

You're NOT crazy at all. I felt that way too. I think a lot of us just try and push past it and get over it because we feel the need to be perfect super mom's and guilt is "bad." How's counseling going???? I'm looking into going and I am on an anti depressant. I thought it was just depression but i think the more i look into it, it's PPD. I was so embarrassed to be put on it but now, It's OK with me. I'm doing what I need to so I can be the best mommy I can to my DD.



If you need to vent or just chat, I'm here. No judgement, just an open mind and probably somebody who is going though a lot of what you are too. Start a new job Monday and suuuuper guilty/scared about it. I don't want DD to love my mom more than me. :?