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He turned 3 and turned mean and in cooperative REAPER* Daniel & Logans M 34 kids; Toledo, Ohio 15009 posts
14th Jun '13

I love my son to pieces but my 3 year old is sometimes so unbearable , he won't settle down for me, wont listen, tantrums multiple times a day, regressed I potty training when he was going regularly when my infant was a newborn, he refuses to go when I tell him to sit on the potty, I ask if he had to per or poop and he ALWAYS says no now, I've tried everything, puttin him in underware won't work either he just pees right there. So two issues why did my sweet boy turn so mean and uncooperative, and why won't he potty train!?



I'm trying so hard to prepare him for school but he won't even give me the time of day.




Help?

The New Mrs. 2 kids; Lima, OH, United States 1301 posts
14th Jun '13

I have no ideas for you, as I am dealing with this also.



I've gone as far as taken my son to the doctor to get help.
Her suggestion was to try preschool or daycare.
Since my son isn't potty trained, we have to go with Daycare.
My son is also 3 years old and I just had a baby myself.

REAPER* Daniel & Logans M 34 kids; Toledo, Ohio 15009 posts
14th Jun '13

You know my pain then. I feel like I've done something wrong... He adores his baby brother, and his daddy... He seems to hate me now, and rules. I set an 8pm bed time because my head is throbbing by the evening :(

The New Mrs. 2 kids; Lima, OH, United States 1301 posts
14th Jun '13
Quoting REAPER* Daniel & Logans M:" You know my pain then. I feel like I've done something wrong... He adores his baby brother, and his daddy... ... [snip!] ... and his daddy... He seems to hate me now, and rules. I set an 8pm bed time because my head is throbbing by the evening :("

I completely understand. I have days where I'd rather be working than at home. Don't get me wrong, I love my kids more than anything. but it's hard as a single mother having issues like this. My sons always acted this way, but I was in denial. I'm glad I'm finally seeking help now though.

. Way, MA, United States 73777 posts
14th Jun '13

I wouldn't ask him if he needs to go, if you think he needs to then I would just take him in the bathroom and have him try. He might be anxious about the accidents so that's probably why he's saying no either way.



Tantrums are normal for toddlers, even though they're frustrating for us. Toddlers have tantrums because they don't have the tools to express their emotions/feelings in a more appropriate way. Having feelings is totally normal and not a bad thing. What parents need to do is model calm, model empathy and that will help them begin to develop those neural pathways. Then in the future they will be able to calm themselves down, and their period of being upset will lessen. When he throws a tantrum show him empathy, that doesn't mean you have to give in though. Your "no" should be no, but that doesn't make his feelings about it any less valid. I would just empathize by saying "I know, you wanted to ____. You're frustrated because you can't _____. I know, I know" etc. You modelling calmness and empathy will help him learn to be the same way.



With the listening make sure you're getting on his level and looking him in the eye. Turn off any distractions, if he's watching t.v. make sure you pause it. Make sure you explain things in a way that he can understand. Also, a good way to get kids to do what you want them to (instead of just saying "you need to go do this now") is to call their attention to it first and see if they can come up with a solution. "We have a problem. You have toys allll over the living room. We can't have dinner until the toys are out of the living room. What can we do about this? Do you have any ideas" etc. This encourages cooperation instead of defiance.



Also, if you feel he is out of control I would start at the very basic things. Is he getting enough sleep, does he go to bed at a decent time, is he eating healthy food, is he getting too much screen time-t.v. or otherwise, does he get time everyday to go outside and play etc. Also, imo the basis of good behavior is a strong relationship. Make time everyday to get close to him. To cuddle him. To run around the house/yard/park with him. Read books to him, do puzzles, just talk to him. When people feel close to someone, and feel a strong bond with them they have an intrinsic desire to do what that person wants them to do.



One of the best parenting websites I have found is http://www.ahaparenting.com It has tons of helpful articles, and it breaks things down into categories of things your LO might be dealing with. If you're on FB another good one is Positive Parenting Toddlers and Beyond. I hope that helps somewhat, and those were just some examples and suggestions I thought of based on my limited knowledge of what you're dealing with. I'm definitely not saying you do or don't do any of those things already. :)

IOnlyMakeBoys (B.B.M) 2 kids; 1 angel baby; Texas 4754 posts
14th Jun '13

I think it is the age my son was great until two months before he turned three then he started acting the same way minus the regressing and needing to be potty trained again.

REAPER* Daniel & Logans M 34 kids; Toledo, Ohio 15009 posts
14th Jun '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting ¿ ¼ ¿:</b>" I wouldn't ask him if he needs to go, if you think he needs to then I would just take him in the bathroom ... [snip!] ... my limited knowledge of what you're dealing with. I'm definitely not saying you do or don't do any of those things already. :)"</blockquote>



I wish I could like this!



I did leave another thing out, his father, my husband is a trucker, and he can be gone up to 5 days at a time, along with every other Sunday, that's a lot of time with daddy gone, though staring July, DH Will now have all weekends off. I feel like my son is upset because daddy is gone so much, my husband is in a very high paying position compared to most truckers, so there's nothing we can do, but




I wish I could like your post. Yes he gets sleep and he eats well, I should type out that I need to get him outside more, and work on my skills with h, I have albad anxiety, headaches, and I think I'm just too short tempered a lot, but I appreciate everything you had to say and I bookmarked the llink you posted,



It makes sense, I can relearn my parental skills too !



Thank you mama!

. Way, MA, United States 73777 posts
14th Jun '13
Quoting REAPER* Daniel & Logans M:" <blockquote><b>Quoting