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Father's Day for shitty dads ERMAGHERD BEEDS! 17 kids; Philadelphia, Pennsylvania 4099 posts
17th Jun '13

SO is an amazing dad/provider/support system for me/boyfriend.... So I try to go all out for Father's Day because its the only day of the year he really accepts the special treatment (he basically ignores his own birthday, but I did throw him a party this year regardless)... So it's very sad to me that the last two years, SO has spent a large part of his special day feeling sad because his own dad (and mom) are such a*****es.



His dad is an active heroin addict, mooches of his grandma, has never made an effort with SO, hit him when he was young, and most recently hasn't come or called to meet DD, who turns one in two weeks. Recently, DSS asked SO "is pop pop Jaime still alive?"... It's sad



SO's mom has borderline and is not/has not been in treatment for it. Right now their relationship is ok, they're not fighting or anything, but SO has to keep her at arms length and its painful for him.



SO and I are recovering addicts so while I do understand how hard it is to get clean, I still have a hard time feeling compassion for SO.'s dad when I see him continuously hurt the people I love....



I try to be patient and kind and not let my own feelings about these dickheads affect the way I listen to SO's feelings about them. He's now wondering if he should reach out to his dad again and let him know either how his actions affect SO and the kids, or if he should just let sleeping dogs lie... I don't know what to say anymore besides "I'm so sorry babe, I love you and you are the most incredible person I've ever known. You deserve much better than this, and I wish I could fix it"
I just want to do know what to do, how else I could help him. I know he has to be the one to figure out what he needs to do for closure (although I don't think he'll ever truly have closure with his parents)...



Today he said he just wants to forget them both, but he tries and tries and can't...which I get, how do you forget your parents?



Idk any advice ladies?

InkDMomma 35 kids; Clinton Township, Michigan 27418 posts
17th Jun '13

It sucks but it's better than being hurt all the time. My dad is an addict too and a gigantic POS. I cut him completely out of my life when my 5 year old was a few months old. He was in and out of my entire life. He would be gone for 7 years... come back... be gone again... come back... Not to mention all the shit he has done to me.



I just push him out of my mind and concentrate on my family and making myself happy. Surround yourself with happiness and you will forget the shitty people.

ERMAGHERD BEEDS! 17 kids; Philadelphia, Pennsylvania 4099 posts
17th Jun '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting InkDMomma:</b>" It sucks but it's better than being hurt all the time. My dad is an addict too and a gigantic POS. I ... [snip!] ... and concentrate on my family and making myself happy. Surround yourself with happiness and you will forget the shitty people."</blockquote>




Thanks for responding! I think SO is pretty good at mostly forgetting them, but Father's Day is tough for him, understandably. When I met SO and told him I was a recovering addict, he told me his dad was a heroin addict and had been for years and that SO had basically already mourned his inevitable demise from an OD or an infection. But then his step dad passed, his grandfather passed and he saw my relationship with my parents and started making an effort again... And for a few months his dad really tried. And now it's been a year and a half of no show visits, of sparatic phone calls when his dad is high and can barely stay awake.... I know from my own recovery that the best thing SO can do for himself and his dad is to cut him out completely again, to say that until his dad has serious clean time that he can't be part of our lives... I just hate seeing my loved ones have to go through this.