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how do i tell my son??? orlons momma 18 kids; Sewell, 1774 posts
21st Jun '13

Ok a little background info. My ex and I have been split for over 2 years and during that time he did not have any contact what so ever with my son. Recently in April he served me with divorce papers. On the papers was his phone number well I called and tried to mend fences with the man solely for the sake of my 4 year old. So from that day on every week he would come and pick the baby up for 7hours and every time he brought his girlfriend with whom he cheated on me with when we were together. Now I did not ever once say a word about it until recently when he finally dropped the baby off alone. And at that all I said was I feel like it is disrespectful to always have her around for there time together. I even went further to say it's ok sometimes just not everytime. Well he left with out saying a word to my son or me that day. It's been all week and we'll he was supposed to pick him up tomorrow for there day and from what happened I sent him a text asking if he was still going to get him and he simply put no. Then I said wow ok. Then I stated that he is really choosing his girlfriend over his son again like 2years wasn't enough. He responds that he doesn't want to ride my emotional roller coaster and that this is why he left me in the first place. So I simply responded u left because u wanted to bone the 17year old hot chick u just hired and he says she was 18. Well numbers don't lie she was 17 but ok so I said have a nice life pedifile. Anyway my question really is what do I say to my son. How do I tell him his dad isn't going to come get him anymore. I know it's going to break his heart and I really wish I never called him in April and had my son start seeing him again in the first place but I did now how do I fix it. I do not want to lie to my baby at all I don't want him to resent me for hiding the truth but he's only 4. Has anyone dealt with this or no someone who has and can point me in there direction. I just want to make it as best for my son as possible. I was thinking about taking him some place awesome tomorrow and not bringing his dad up and waiting until he asks but then is that mean. idk what to do sorry if this is all over the place. I'm stressing cuz he was supposed to keep the baby when I give birth to my son and now I need to find a new arrangement and its just stressing me out.

tonys_mama(army wife) 4 kids; 1 angel baby; Fort Irwin, California 15526 posts
21st Jun '13

You sound very immature calling him names like that. Why do you think you have any right to tell him that he shouldn't have her there for his visitations? It obvious she is a serious girlfriend if they have been together for 2 years so shes probably not going anywhere and time soon. I wouldn't put this all on him. You should probably try to fix it for your sons sake.

~The Lunar Flower~ 2 kids; Alabama 6748 posts
21st Jun '13

Honestly, since you didn't say you had a problem with it in front of her(&since he's been with her for awhile now)all you did was say that an important part of his life couldn't be around his kid. I understand he did you wrong but by not being forward with him & his girlfriend you caused him to not want to deal with the drama. I'd flat out tell your son that things just aren't working out with it & let him just call to talk to his father until his father feels comfortable coming back around or picking him up without fearing all you are gonna do is judge him.

Kimmy Gibbler 2 kids; Grapevine, Texas 8039 posts
21st Jun '13
Quoting tonys_mama(army wife):" You sound very immature calling him names like that. Why do you think you have any right to tell him ... [snip!] ... not going anywhere and time soon. I wouldn't put this all on him. You should probably try to fix it for your sons sake. "


Shit, if my husband left me for a 17 year old he cheated on me with and decided not to have a relationship with our son because I asked him not to bring the girl around our son (who is 4 and can totally comprehend what's going on) EVERY time they were together, I'd be calling him worse names than OP did. HE'S the immature one.



OP- that's a tough one... I honestly don't know what to tell you. It's not fair that he's not picking up his son just to spite you. He sounds like a total a*****e.

7 blessings so far.... Due February 3; 6 kids; Glen Burnie, Maryland 8799 posts
21st Jun '13

uhm, it really wasn't your place to say anything to him about his girlfriend being around ......and all the childish remarks didn't help either.
Mabe if you apologize you can salvage the relationship enough that your son wont be hurt .
Reread what you posted and tell me honestly would you want to deal w/you???? I wouldn't.
You are getting ready to add another child to your son's ''family'' and you are bitching about db's girlfriend being around......
I am not trying to be rude and I understand that he hurt you by cheating but its time to move past that.

tonys_mama(army wife) 4 kids; 1 angel baby; Fort Irwin, California 15526 posts
21st Jun '13
Quoting Asher and Haddie's Mommy:" Shit, if my husband left me for a 17 year old he cheated on me with and decided not to have a relationship ... [snip!] ... don't know what to tell you. It's not fair that he's not picking up his son just to spite you. He sounds like a total a*****e. "


She didn't have a problem with it at first. Calling him names is not going to help anything its just going to make him not want to deal with the childish drama.

laurenmik 3 kids; Aurora, Colorado 7222 posts
21st Jun '13

Even if the OP is being immature (which you are, stop it) how shitty of the guy to just stop seeing his son again because of it.

orlons momma 18 kids; Sewell, 1774 posts
21st Jun '13
Quoting tonys_mama(army wife):" You sound very immature calling him names like that. Why do you think you have any right to tell him ... [snip!] ... not going anywhere and time soon. I wouldn't put this all on him. You should probably try to fix it for your sons sa


He says they are not serious. Like he has told me that he is just with her for her car and the sex he even said that stuff in front of her to me. So no it's not serious n I know it was slightly immature but numbers don't lie she was only 17 when they first got together that make him wrong plus he was her boss.
♀NoBoysAllowed 19 kids; San Diego, California 51862 posts
21st Jun '13

She's been with him for 2 years. They're probably pretty committed to each other, which means she's committed to your son. It's a lot to take in and even more to accept, but I think it's best for your son to mend fences with him and his girlfriend and welcome any help they have to offer.



It is really awful that he's taking his anger with you out on your son, though. That's not okay, and you should probably tell him that.

~The Lunar Flower~ 2 kids; Alabama 6748 posts
21st Jun '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting laurenmik:</b>" Even if the OP is being immature (which you are, stop it) how shitty of the guy to just stop seeing his son again because of it."</blockquote>




I agree but he hadn't seen his son in 2 years & so the new relationship is fragile. Then she started acting craazy about the girlfriend he's kept for over 2 years being around & called him a ton of inappropriate names. I wouldn't want anyone I viewed as a pedophile around my child

Kimmy Gibbler 2 kids; Grapevine, Texas 8039 posts
21st Jun '13
Quoting tonys_mama(army wife):" She didn't have a problem with it at first. Calling him names is not going to help anything its just going to make him not want to deal with the childish drama. "


She DID have a problem with it... she didn't say anything in GF's presence because she was trying to be polite. And I'm sorry, but if he was a real father he'd have been around sooner. A real dad would want to be there for his son regardless of what his ex thought of his GF. He hasn't seen his kid in TWO YEARS. And because he was asked to spend some time alone with his son, he's decided that using her "emotional roller coaster" was a perfect excuse for another way out. This guy gets no mercy from me. You can't be in and out of your own kids life... you made a baby with someone, you have to deal with them. Regardless of if you like them or not. Should she call him names? No. Was she pissed off that he hurt her son YET AGAIN and let something slip, yes. I'd bet 10,000 dollars I'd probably do it to. We're all human.

7 blessings so far.... Due February 3; 6 kids; Glen Burnie, Maryland 8799 posts
21st Jun '13
Quoting laurenmik:" Even if the OP is being immature (which you are, stop it) how shitty of the guy to just stop seeing his son again because of it."


We obviously don't get the whole story....yes, its shitty but I have seen some women make life a living hell for their bd. There comes a time when some men just give up because they don't want to put the kid in the middle of the drama. (or through the ''emotional roller coaster'' as OP stated her ex said)
They are divorced , it isn't her place to comment on who he is with as long as their child isn't in danger.

Yurvette [♥] 2 kids; 1 angel baby; Hyrule Castle, LZ, San Marino 36477 posts
21st Jun '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Asher and Haddie's Mommy:</b>" She DID have a problem with it... she didn't say anything in GF's presence because she was trying to ... [snip!] ... off that he hurt her son YET AGAIN and let something slip, yes. I'd bet 10,000 dollars I'd probably do it to. We're all human."</blockquote>




All of this.

~The Lunar Flower~ 2 kids; Alabama 6748 posts
21st Jun '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Asher and Haddie's Mommy:</b>" She DID have a problem with it... she didn't say anything in GF's presence because she was trying to ... [snip!] ... off that he hurt her son YET AGAIN and let something slip, yes. I'd bet 10,000 dollars I'd probably do it to. We're all human."</blockquote>



I would have blown up. Then again i'd have taken the initiative to file for divorce right after he left me & i'd have filed for child support. f**k waiting 2 years for him to do it LOL.

Yurvette [♥] 2 kids; 1 angel baby; Hyrule Castle, LZ, San Marino 36477 posts
21st Jun '13

You tell him daddy is busy. I know you want to say a lot of things lol, but you say neutral things to him.