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BG Secrets Arizona 4906 posts
22nd Jun '13
Quoting MommaNoodle:" if he's anything like my bf (and other guys i know), he will most likely make you out to be "the b***h", ... [snip!] ... be "the b***h", but don't let it get to you. it's not bitchy to want your kid to have a stable life and normal relationships. "


YEP. That sounds like my ex. But honestly we don't even run in the same circles anymore, so I'm not super concerned with his personal opinion of me.



And since he has no legal rights to the child, I don't think it can even bite me in the ass to deny him visitation.

MommaNoodle 2 kids; Pennsylvania 13115 posts
22nd Jun '13
Quoting BG Secrets:" YEP. That sounds like my ex. But honestly we don't even run in the same circles anymore, so I'm not ... [snip!] ... of me. And since he has no legal rights to the child, I don't think it can even bite me in the ass to deny him visitation."


well, there you go! it sounds like you'll be fine! :D

BG Secrets Arizona 4906 posts
22nd Jun '13
Quoting MommaNoodle:" well, there you go! it sounds like you'll be fine! :D"


I guess I just needed to see it on paper and have other people give me an outside opinion. It's hard when you're on the inside.

user banned 1 child; Germany 12377 posts
22nd Jun '13
Quoting BG Secrets:" There's nothing to file. I have full, sole legal, physical, and whatever else custody of my child. From the moment my child was born, I was considered the only legal parent of my child."

Do you have the legally?

BG Secrets Arizona 4906 posts
22nd Jun '13
Quoting Rd.:" Do you have the legally?"


What does that mean?

user banned 1 child; Germany 12377 posts
22nd Jun '13
Quoting BG Secrets:" What does that mean?"

I meant *that not the lol



The sole custody etc. do you have that legally?

BG Secrets Arizona 4906 posts
22nd Jun '13
Quoting Rd.:" I meant *that not the lol The sole custody etc. do you have that legally?"


Yes I have that legally. In my state, the law states that the unwed mother has full custody and parental rights and all that jazz of the child in question. Automatically. From day one. No legal papers required.



Unwed fathers MUST file for separate parental rights if they want them. Even if they are ordered to pay child support, they are not automatically granted the rights to visit or have custody of their child.



My child's father has just as much right to visit my child as you do. As in none.



My state basically treats unwed fathers like strangers until they file with the court and ask for their rights.

Ellie Goulding 1 child; London, --, United Kingdom 4761 posts
22nd Jun '13
Quoting BG Secrets:" Yes I have that legally. In my state, the law states that the unwed mother has full custody and parental ... [snip!] ... As in none. My state basically treats unwed fathers like strangers until they file with the court and ask for their rights."

I can't decide if I think that's awesome or awful.
I'm sure it saves some people a LOT of hassle but on the other hand, it makes things harder for committed, unwed couples.
Hmm.

MommaNoodle 2 kids; Pennsylvania 13115 posts
22nd Jun '13
Quoting VeggieBurglar:" I can't decide if I think that's awesome or awful. I'm sure it saves some people a LOT of hassle but on the other hand, it makes things harder for committed, unwed couples. Hmm."


not necessarily. if you're a committed couple, you'd probably just work everything out on your own. you can get all the legal stuff sorted out if you want, but you don't really have to if you're a couple and can just make agreements on a friendly basis and/or just live your life, kwim? it really only is a hassle when you're not together anymore. and at that point, ti's not even such a big deal to go and get the agreement written up in court. actually, there were lots of things going on when my bf and his ex made their agreement. the first date had to be re-scheduled bc his ex went on vacation. then, on the day of the next date, there was a snowstorm and he had trouble getting there. he called to say he was going to be late and the judge just told him to pull into a parking lot and they did it all via phone conference. lol.

Drunk Blair Waldorf 2 kids; Alpharetta, Georgia 19208 posts
24th Jun '13
Quoting VeggieBurglar:" I can't decide if I think that's awesome or awful. I'm sure it saves some people a LOT of hassle but on the other hand, it makes things harder for committed, unwed couples. Hmm."


Well, if you're together and just unwed, then you just live your life and make sure both parents are listed on all of the child's paperwork throughout life. So it's not really difficult if you're an actual couple, I guess?



I think it's awesome in the case of dead beat dads like the OP seems to have where they're popping in and out of their kid's life and not really providing anything healthy for their child, KWIM? It gives the mother the opportunity to protect their kid.



But it sucks for my sister's boyfriend. He is an AMAZING father. His ex cheated on him so they split. He used to have his son literally half of the time. 3-4 days a week. When he got with my sister (coworker of the ex girlfriend), she flipped out and refused to let him see his son. And since there was no court order in place because they were working it out privately, he got screwed over. He had to hire an expensive lawyer and take her to court and he actually filed for full custody because he has proof that he's the better parent and that things are unstable at best over there and she's claiming a bunch of untrue stuff about him that he has proof that it was the other way around. :roll:



So for people like HIM it's a huge hassle. But I think with the way things are these days and how a lot more men are fine with knocking girls up and then just taking off, it's definitely a good thing for a woman to be able to protect her kid from an unstable presence in their lives.

Drunk Blair Waldorf 2 kids; Alpharetta, Georgia 19208 posts
24th Jun '13

And OP, I say let him take you to court and work for the right to see his kid if he'll even bother with it. It doesn't sound like he's overly concerned.

Karren 1 child; Liverpool, United Kingdom 378 posts
24th Jun '13
Quoting VeggieBurglar:" I can't decide if I think that's awesome or awful. I'm sure it saves some people a LOT of hassle but on the other hand, it makes things harder for committed, unwed couples. Hmm."


I think its good in the case of dead beat dads, for sure.