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Co-Parenting gorgeouschaos712 2 kids; Hickory, North Carolina 596 posts
22nd Jun '13

BD and I got married six weeks before DD was born. We were in an on again off again relationship throughout the whole marriage, so after 3 years I decided to call it quits. In the midst of our relationship we had DD who is now 3.5 years old, and DS who is now 1 year old.



I am aware I am stuck co-parenting with him. But there has got to be an easier way for us to get along for the sake of the kids. I don't ask for him to do things exactly the same as I do. But that he do stick to a similar routine so that the kids are not completely confused going from one place to the other. Because right now we live roughly an aware away from each other, and we both get them 50/50 every other week.



But here I am sitting here still fighting both of my kids to go to sleep for the night and it is almost midnight! I am losing my patience with him because he just lets them run wild until the crash and then I have to fight them for a week to get them back on track just to send them back over there.



And before anyone asks, no this isn't a court ordered agreement. It's something he came up with forcing me into back in February. I have not been to a lawyer yet as funds are extremely low so I am basically stuck in this situation until further notice.



My main question is how can I make him understand/see that this is going to hurt both of the kids in the long run by not giving them some sort of structure?

Donna Jo Tanner 1 child; Beach Haven, New Jersey 6440 posts
22nd Jun '13

How did he force you into it, if you don't mind me asking? Cause honestly right now I'd put my foot down. I'd just tell him that if he's not gonna keep them in a similar schedule he can't have them during the week. That they are little and need a routine.

ILOVEWINE Due April 24; 2 kids; Sweden 10814 posts
22nd Jun '13

I would find a lawyer with a payment plan



And the only thing you can do it talk to him about it

Mamaof3cuties Due March 9; Pennsylvania 91 posts
22nd Jun '13

Where I live they offer free lawyers based on your income. Check into that.

gorgeouschaos712 2 kids; Hickory, North Carolina 596 posts
22nd Jun '13
Quoting Jenna+1:" How did he force you into it, if you don't mind me asking? Cause honestly right now I'd put my foot down. ... [snip!] ... if he's not gonna keep them in a similar schedule he can't have them during the week. That they are little and need a routine."


When we split in December we had agreed on him getting them every other weekend. But then he started asking for more time because "he missed them". Nothing personal but I think it's a bunch of bs! We both live with our parents. Me more for a stable living environment while I am going to school and trying my hardest to find a job. Him simply because he refuses to even look for a job or to further his education so he has no other place to go. After living with him for so long and me always being the one putting in job applications left and right for both myself and him as well as going to our local community college full time, I know he's not going to make a difference of himself. So I honestly believe that it's all his parents doing. They wanted to make sure I didn't completely take them from him.



So one weekend when he had them he was supposed to meet me halfway so I could get them back and all of a sudden he had no vehicle he could use. Yet he lives with his parents, his sister is right across the street, and his uncle is right next door, but no vehicle he could borrow. So I drove the whole way up there, and when I got there he started an argument about wanting them every other week. I of course told him no, because I just didn't and still don't entirely find it fair that he should even have the right when he wasn't there the whole time we were together... He then threatened to call the cops on me to have me escorted off of their property (there is a NO TRESPASSING sign) and I freaking lost it screaming at him telling him I hated him for tearing my world apart. His dad then came out and said something that resulted in him writing up an agreement that BD and I both signed and it was notarized by BD's sister which doesn't make it legal because of conflict of interest, but at the same time in case I am wrong on that matter I have gone along with it. I completely hate it, but unlike him I am trying to keep everything legal on my part. I know for a fact that once DD starts school the back and forth every other week will come to a stop, and she will be eligible for pre-k next year. But I just don't know how much more of this I can take honestly...

FeliciaAnn Due June 1; 3 kids; Washington 1333 posts
22nd Jun '13

I'm pretty sure you can file for custody without a lawyer. Without a parenting plan in place, he could keep them for as long as he wants. So I would suggest getting that going ASAP.