4 year old out of control and don't no what else to do TristanPhoenixMommy 1 child; Hartselle, Alabama 395 posts
24th Jun '13

My 4 year old is out of control,he will not listen when he doesn't want to, when i tell him to do certain things, the majority of the time, he will talk back, ,curse you out and sometimes even get physical. He will yell and push all your buttons,I think he does a lot of it for attention and he will also make his self puke also. We have just started him on his ADHD med an its not working that well. Well we have tried giving him spankings an standing in the corner an setting in his room on his bed,with no toys are anything an put his hands on his legs an mouth shut an if he talks i try telling him That his 5 min start over but he don't care he just keeps on an on. So his mom starts feeling bad for him an tells him he can get up. Nothing works with this kid lol. I also wondering how long I should put him in time out for? He hates mouth wash that has mint flavor so we try to wash his mouth out with that when he talks back,are he says bad words an he knows what he is doing is wrong he just don't care. He is the smartest 4year old I've ever seen so I dont know y he is this way. He still pees in a pull up and he will tell you that he just didn't wanna get up to go to the bathroom, he is so lazy an he weighs 72 pounds all he wants to do is eat an watch tv are play on iPad. I want my son to be a better kid an not so mean please everyone. If you got any advise please let me no what it is. Thanks for your help

Sherri + 3 LLC 3 kids; Mesa, Arizona 3758 posts
24th Jun '13

Sounds to me like he is running things, not you. I have a 4 year old DD and she tries to get away with that stuff too. They are at that age where they will test you. I think my DD is kind of chunky and she is only 45 lbs. There is no reason your 4 year old should weigh over 70 lbs.
You have to let him know who is boss. You cannot give in to him when he throws a fits. If he is laying around playing the ipad all day it is because you let him. Take him outside, to the park, to the mall to walk around. Stop letting him control things.

Colt's mommy 1 child; Moore, Oklahoma 21411 posts
24th Jun '13

Sounds like he needs more stimulation and excercise. And you need to not give in when you descipline. I'm sorry but it definitely sounds like a product of his upbringing, not that he is a bad kid persay.....

ღ.ღ.ღ 3 kids; South Carolina 7316 posts
24th Jun '13

My son deals with ADHD too and first off, take the tv, ipad and if you don't already get rid of the junk food and get healthy stuff. I'm not being mean but a 72lb 4 year old isn't good. Take the pullups away, especially if he says he just doesn't want to get up, as far as discipline goes you need to stick to one thing, not spank, then timeout, then mouth wash. I'm not a fan of the mouth wash thing so i'd tell him thats not nice and ignore it, we had this problem with my son. We had to clear my sons room of toys and he'd go in there with the door until he was ready to calm down because 5 minutes just wasn't doing it, he'd do what he got in trouble for right after he got out. His mom also needs to back you up 100% and not let him get his way when he cries or she feels bad.

*edit I also agree with the others, it's got to do with his upbringing. You need to give this kid time outside and the park. A big reason kids don't listen is because the parent is lazy about it. IMO anyways

MamaTay[Kennedi] 1 child; Greenville, Texas 4405 posts
24th Jun '13

Id say start taking things away and not giving them back. Rewards ststem for good behavior, like a sticker chart. If he wants to snack, healthyoptions like carrots or apples. allow a certain amount of time a day for tv and ipad. And no giving in. as for cussing, find out where hes hearing it and why hes acting out.

. , Richmond, VA, United States 74770 posts
24th Jun '13

You named the problem right in your post. He wants to sit around, watch the ipad/t.v. and eat. That's the problem. Especially if he has adhd.

You need to start with the basic things. Make sure his diet is healthy, turn off the screens, get him outside running around every single day, stimulate his mind, do puzzles, read books, do art; coloring, painting etc, he needs to use his imagination and play like a kid. Make sure you guys are connecting everyday. Cuddle with him, talk to him, sit with him and read a book etc. Imo the basis to good behavior is a good relationship between parent and child. He is telling you (by being out of control) that he is in need. He's in need of stimulation and connection.

I don't think timeouts and punishments work. Especially punishment with washing out kids' mouths with things. That's just going to put a bigger wedge between you two. He needs understanding and compassion. He cannot give what he doesn't get. Does he hear people cussing? If so, then everytime he does it I would get to his level and say "I'm sorry we've set a bad example by using bad words, but those are mean words. I don't want you to say those words." and tell him why. If what you're doing isn't working then you should be trying something else. Punishments don't work (in the long run) because kids don't develop an intrinsic desire to behave. They need an outside force to make them behave. And some kids just stop caring. You can up and up the punishments and they still won't care. (Same with rewards imo)

I think you'll see a huge improvement once you limit the screen time. I would seriously limit it to like an hour a day.

Idk exactly the issues you're dealing with other than what you said here but if you're interested the best website imo is It has different sections of things you might be dealing with. And if you're on fb I would look up Positive Parenting: Toddlers and Beyond.

oscarsmom Colorado Springs, Colorado 31 posts
25th Jun '13

You are not alone in this - many moms and dads find parenting children this age challenging! Children seem to have a special knack for trying our patience and it certainly can lead to challenges of all kinds - as it sounds like you are experiencing.

The non-profit I work for has a couple articles on their website that offer some great tips - and - that I know have helped me and other parents in similar situations. Praying things get better for you!