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justanothamotha Due January 20; 130 kids; Climax, Michigan 5120 posts
25th Jun '13

How old is your baby?

user banned 3 kids; Los Angeles, California 54034 posts
25th Jun '13

The LAST thing you need to worry about with this dude is having another freaking baby.

freddddda 1 child; South Carolina 102 posts
25th Jun '13
Quoting Dr. Paradigm Shift Ph.D:" Seriously this whole thing is FUCKED UP and not something I'd bring even ONE child into. "

it wasn't this way at all before I got pregnant. Now that my son is born I'm trying to make things work before he gets older and has to see all this stress. If things can't get better then I will start my life somewhere else. Its just hard when you love someone but there isn't anything you can do to make them happy anymore. My son comes first and I will not let him grow up in a family that can't see eye to eye on a daily basis.

user banned 3 kids; Los Angeles, California 54034 posts
25th Jun '13
Quoting Br%klyn:" it wasn't this way at all before I got pregnant. Now that my son is born I'm trying to make things work ... [snip!] ... them happy anymore. My son comes first and I will not let him grow up in a family that can't see eye to eye on a daily basis."


That's great and everything but you need to check yourself if you think not having another baby with this guy is your biggest problem.

freddddda 1 child; South Carolina 102 posts
25th Jun '13
Quoting Dr. Paradigm Shift Ph.D:" The LAST thing you need to worry about with this dude is having another freaking baby. "


I wanted advice on how to deal with wanting 3 children and SO not wanting anymore. Yes he's having issues roght now, ANd Im not wanting a new baby anytime soon. But if I can't look forward to ever having another baby bc he says so then is that something I should keep in mind.

user banned 3 kids; Los Angeles, California 54034 posts
25th Jun '13
Quoting Br%klyn:" I wanted advice on how to deal with wanting 3 children and SO not wanting anymore. Yes he's having issues ... [snip!] ... soon. But if I can't look forward to ever having another baby bc he says so then is that something I should keep in mind."


Uh, you need to GTFO of there for a bunch of other reasons. Read your own posts.

freddddda 1 child; South Carolina 102 posts
25th Jun '13
Quoting Dr. Paradigm Shift Ph.D:" That's great and everything but you need to check yourself if you think not having another baby with this guy is your biggest problem. "

never said it was my biggest problem trust me. Just wondering if this is something I should onsider before trying to make it work with him or just igniore this.

user banned 3 kids; Los Angeles, California 54034 posts
25th Jun '13
Quoting Br%klyn:" never said it was my biggest problem trust me. Just wondering if this is something I should onsider before trying to make it work with him or just igniore this."


you need to get away from him period.

justanothamotha Due January 20; 130 kids; Climax, Michigan 5120 posts
25th Jun '13
Quoting Br%klyn:" I wanted advice on how to deal with wanting 3 children and SO not wanting anymore. Yes he's having issues ... [snip!] ... soon. But if I can't look forward to ever having another baby bc he says so then is that something I should keep in mind."

I looked at your other topics because it seemed like it rung a bell with me & I read the one again (read it before) about his mom & him slamming you against a wall & all the screaming & trying to not let you leave.



I have to agree that I think there are much more pressing & urgent issues going on in your life & relationship than how many kids you wish to plan for the sunny future that may or may not exist. You really need to think about getting this shit sorted BEFORE you think about whether he does or does "want anymore kids". Even if he wanted 10 more, there is STILL lots of shit that needs to be addressed. Having an oops baby with him is one thing. TTC with him & this scenario is another.

hobbit* 3 kids; New Zealand 44783 posts
25th Jun '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Br%klyn:</b>" I wanted advice on how to deal with wanting 3 children and SO not wanting anymore. Yes he's having issues ... [snip!] ... soon. But if I can't look forward to ever having another baby bc he says so then is that something I should keep in mind."</blockquote>




I'd honestly not stress about it. You have bigger things to worry about. And who knows how he's going to feel in 2 3 4 years from now.



NONE of our kids were planned. We never discussed how many ahold ten we wanted before having children and after each baby we said we were done. He loves them all to the moon and back, and he has even brought up having a 4th in a good few years.
Having another baby or not doesn't seem like its the biggest issue in your relationship right now.

freddddda 1 child; South Carolina 102 posts
25th Jun '13

I've tried to have some time away from him. But seriously he won't let me. Like I know I can leave but he would think the world stopped. He is the type that is so caught up depression that he would do anything to make me stop from leaving. I'm not trying to cause drama here. I just need some advice. He tells me he is working to get better with yelling but it's just in him. I told him tonight that if he really loved me he wouldn't do that and he just blames being stressed. He acts like if we broke up I'm breaking up a family that could have been worked out. I know that I shouldn't even tolerate t but it's just not easy to leave. I wnat to but I always pray that tomorrow will be better and sometimes it is and sometimes it's not. But I know my son comes first and I have told him I WILL NOT raise my son to see that it's normal for daddy to treat MOmmy like she is dirt and if he can't change soon then I'm leaving....but sad thing is I have no where to go. everything in that house including the house is mine. I was just wondering when I explain to him why this isn't working if my dreams of having more kids was even vaild enough to bring up to him, bc I already told him I would never want to bring another child into thins home if he is going to continue like this

user banned 3 kids; Los Angeles, California 54034 posts
25th Jun '13
Quoting Br%klyn:" I've tried to have some time away from him. But seriously he won't let me. Like I know I can leave but ... [snip!] ... up to him, bc I already told him I would never want to bring another child into thins home if he is going to continue like this"


Uh, kick him out? Get a restraining order? Come on. You're worth more than this and you know it. He's a controlling POS and his family is trash.

justanothamotha Due January 20; 130 kids; Climax, Michigan 5120 posts
25th Jun '13
Quoting Br%klyn:" I've tried to have some time away from him. But seriously he won't let me. Like I know I can leave but ... [snip!] ... up to him, bc I already told him I would never want to bring another child into thins home if he is going to continue like this"

If he has anger issues, growing up in a house like that, he probably isn't going to change based on just deciding not to do it, he will likely need some form of therapy or training on how to cope with his feelings & what he can do that is healthy when he feels that way. On his own, he just falls back into doing what he knows & what he has always done. That is pretty typical for all people.



And I had an ex who was suicidal at the thought of us breaking up. That in itself is just another form of abuse via passive aggressive behavior. It is a manipulation to make you feel sorry for them even though they are the one that is driving you away. I did leave. He didn't die. Even if he had, it would not have been about me anyway, it never was. All of that was about him trying to get his needs met, and not caring about my real needs, or really loving ME....I was just someone he could utilize to try to fill up whatever it was he was trying to fill & he called that love. He loved what he thought I could bring into his life. He was never physical with me, but he was with the next girlfriend, so I have no doubt we were headed there.



I seriously wish you well & hope you consider speaking to a counselor yourself to help you try & gain some perspective on this. It is admirable to want to keep a family together, but not at the expense of everyone else to try & save your SO when he isn't even really trying to save himself.

freddddda 1 child; South Carolina 102 posts
25th Jun '13
Quoting justanothamotha:" If he has anger issues, growing up in a house like that, he probably isn't going to change based on just ... [snip!] ... together, but not at the expense of everyone else to try & save your SO when he isn't even really trying to save himself."


this sounds just about right to the T, That's how he acts. His mother told me that if we broke up he would have me repalced in 5 minutes bc he can't be alone.....clearly she acts like a 15 year old. I just wish this was easier. It's easier some days bc I know it's not right for my son to grow up and see this. But I still fear taht if we did split. I would have to take our son to him which he ould be at staying at his moms, and that whole family is not a healthy eniviroment. But my SO would absolutely not go without seeing his son. He constantly tells me I will never keep our son from him which is true. But I def don't want him over at his parents house when he does visit. I need to talk to someone deperately but I don't even know where to start. I feel like I'm being manipulated and I am blinded by him feeding me all this junk on how i would be breaking up my family

justanothamotha Due January 20; 130 kids; Climax, Michigan 5120 posts
25th Jun '13
Quoting Br%klyn:" this sounds just about right to the T, That's how he acts. His mother told me that if we broke up he ... [snip!] ... I feel like I'm being manipulated and I am blinded by him feeding me all this junk on how i would be breaking up my family"

If you can't afford counseling call your county health department. There is always free or low cost counseling. Another place you can contact is Catholic Social Services & you don't need to be Catholic to have them help, nor will they try to convert you.