Quoting justanothamotha:" The ONE part the article got right is the gender mix up for boys with long hair. No matter how I dress ... [snip!] ... quit talking to us. I am not kidding though, she went on for several minutes. I was about to tell her to stick it. LOL"
I'll admit, I love long hair, so at first I tend to keep it long. and as you know, I have two boys (13m and 3y). The older one has never had his hair cut, but it's very fine and curly so it's still above his shoulders, but no matter what, people almost always assume he's a girl first. My younger one's hair isn't long enough to cut yet, but his seems to be growing in a bit straighter, although it just started to curl in the last month or so, so we'll see.
I grow it out until it either gets in the way or they request (and understand) that it be cut shorter.
hmm picture is not posting. weird.
I think it should be up to the child. If the boy wants his hair long then let him do it.
Quoting dream:" I'll admit, I love long hair, so at first I tend to keep it long. and as you know, I have two boys (13m ... [snip!] ... that it be cut shorter. https://fbcdn-sphotos-b-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-frc3/972038_10151387659561286_423825134_n.jpg "
Not sure why it won't post - but that pic is sooooo cute. LOVE the matching outfits. <3
This was my sons hair before we got it cut. Hopefully our next baby is a girl that has as pretty of hair as he did haha
I keep my DSs hair short. I would not let his hair get too long unless he specifically asked. I really hope that he doesn't because I do not like long hair on little boys personally.
I think that it is worth noting that in some cultures, having long hair is a symbol of masculinity. Some warriors keep their hair long as a symbol of being undefeated, but cut it all off after losing a battle.
And it goes back to Samson and Delilah. With his long hair, Samson was strong. Without it, he was nothing.
I can understand letting a boy's hair grow out for a while OR if living in a place where that is part of the culture.
It's not something I'd do. Those who do it should just be prepared for any of the usual responses to things that are outside of the mainstream.
I do not give me daughter much say regarding her hair length. She is 4 and I want her to not be "one of those" girls who won't get her hair cut. I have 2 nieces like that and it's annoying.
My boy has longish hair. Just above shoulders. I love it :) He's my only child with curls, slight though they are.
I don't care what other people say. Hopefully I'm raising children secure enough with themselves that they won't live their lives around a narrow set of "mainstream" expectations either. How boring!
If he wants it cut, fine, we'll get it cut. If he wants to grow it out to his butt, that's what we'll do. If my daughter wants to shave her head, we'll do it. They're their own persons, choices like these over a lifetime are imperative to develop that sense of self outside the parents' selves.
Hair is not a moral issue. Right and wrong is all I care about. It's not more right to have short hair with a natural color than it is to have long hair with pink streaks, is it? That doesn't change the content of a person or the quality of their actions and thoughts. So it's none of my concern.
<blockquote><b>Quoting RMRE Mama:</b>" My boy has longish hair. Just above shoulders. I love it :) He's my only child with curls, slight though ... [snip!] ... is it? That doesn't change the content of a person or the quality of their actions and thoughts. So it's none of my concern."</blockquote>
Superficial things like hair style and colors certainly don't dictate the content of a persons character, but it certainly limits their options in the world. I'm going to raise my child to have as many options in life as possible.
Quoting TheNuge:" <blockquote><b>Quoting RMRE Mama:</b>" My boy has longish hair. Just above shoulders. ... [snip!] ... but it certainly limits their options in the world. I'm going to raise my child to have as many options in life as possible."
Sooo you will start by limiting options when it isn't needed? Dh has long hair & makes as much or more money than his short haired friends of similar education. I get it. I teach my child that some people judge you on outside appearances & such, whether he chooses to conform to that or not is HIS choice...not something I intend to instill as "the way to be". I have had times in my life I was willing to do some conforming in order to gain benefit & times when I was not. I was able to decide based on assessing the rewards/sacrifice ratio & based on past experiences. I don't expect my children to have me "help" them conform all their lives & then at 18 have them understand ANY concept of what their REAL choices are. I want them to understand their REAL choices & then make the ones they feel are right for them & either gain or suffer from the consequences. That is how you truly learn who you are & what you are made of. If my son were 16 & having a hard time finding a job, I would of course suggest to him that cutting his hair *might* help land a job. Or he may be like his father & have no issue finding employee despite not fitting the "norm".
<blockquote><b>Quoting justanothamotha:</b>" Sooo you will start by limiting options when it isn't needed? Dh has long hair & makes as much or ... [snip!] ... hair *might* help land a job. Or he may be like his father & have no issue finding employee despite not fitting the "norm"."</blockquote>
Great for your DH and your future teen with the charming, winning personality that will help him get a great job with whatever style he chooses.
How would my decision to have more mainstream choices limit my child when it's not needed? I don't understand your question/comment.
BTW, I'm exhausted and will probably not check back tonight.
Quoting TheNuge:" <blockquote><b>Quoting justanothamotha:</b>" Sooo you will start by limiting options ... [snip!] ... when it's not needed? I don't understand your question/comment. BTW, I'm exhausted and will probably not check back tonight."
It's not about *you* having mainstream choices, it is about you only allowing your child a mainstream appearance at an age when there is in effect no reason for it. She isn't auditioning for something or needed to find work, so arbitrarily not allowing a personal preference he/she may (or may not) have, seems pointless. I think that children learn how to make solid decisions by making decisions. So if you can start with allowing whatever decisions are harmless when they are young & allowing them to make more & more choices as they get older & see how those things pan out, they are better able to learn how to weigh options, assign a personal value system to certain choices/options & figure out when they are willing to bend & when they make a stand.
So my point is, eliminating valid options that are not a health or safety issue out of your own preference, removes a learning opportunity for the child to feel life out for themselves. For ages my son did not want a trim, at all...so it got very long. He figured out eventually that SUPER long hair tangles & hurts to brush & wash far more than a more reasonable length. So then we got it cut to about the shoulder blades & he was thrilled. I didn't let him go all smarly & unwashed or unbrushed, and he felt the consequences of having SUCH long hair & modified what he wanted in accordance. These VERY small lessons & exercises in decision making are akin to me to holding his hands when he was nto ready to walk, and trying to set him up to start taking a few steps on his own. Then you remove scary things (like sharp corners & they start to be free range & on & on. So by 18 I expect that my children might need advice & input on many things still, but that they also have a good handle on managing their OWN life & making decent decisions.
At 18 I moved out & never looked back. Never needed money & rarely needed advice or help. I wasn't brilliant. I was a regular 18 yr old, but I had experienced enough of my own decision making to fall on my ass a few times & get myself back up, so heading out on my own also wasn't scary nor was it something I was unprepared for. I allow them choices now, because ALL the choices will be their soon enough....and I am hoping they have figured out how to make good ones by then. Me making pointless choices for them now (like what hairstyle they must have) does not teach them how to make decisions, it just teaches them what they already know, which is most boys have a certain haircut & most girls have another. Even my 6 yr old with long hair already knows that. He doesn't need me to make him conform in order to know that is the norm.
And np on not being back, whenever you get back - if you are still interested in discussing. I am not sure how much I will be on either. I seem to have intermittent insomnia, so I never plan to be here, I just end up here...lol
Quoting justanothamotha:" It's not about *you* having mainstream choices, it is about you only allowing your child a mainstream ... [snip!] ... sure how much I will be on either. I seem to have intermittent insomnia, so I never plan to be here, I just end up here...lol"
But how will her 4 year old get a job in middle management at a corporation!? You terrible mother, allowing all that namby-pamby "self-expression" and giving your child the crazy idea that just because something isn't mainstream, it's not wrong. Of course it's wrong! Mainstream is always right, don'tcha know. Who could ever argue with the correctness when a majority feels that way?