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MayMayB 1 child; Japan 18 posts
26th Jun '13
Quoting *Mayhem*:" My cousin paid one for his bride, who was from India (and they got married in India, as well as the U.S.) ... [snip!] ... as the U.S.) but no, I can't think of any major religious groups who do it "over here" unless it's been brought from the East."


I always thought it was the bride's family who gives a dowry to the groom

user banned 21 kids; North Dakota 3800 posts
26th Jun '13

Ahhh k...I got something mixed up then. I know he paid something to her family, I just assumed it was a dowry.

The Doctor 2 kids; Whiskey Dick Mountain, WA, United States 59649 posts
26th Jun '13

The only dowry I've ever heard of is the bride's family paying a dowry to the groom to marry her off. Hence one of the reasons why it was less desirable to have a gal child because you had to pay to marry them off, and why you wanted to marry a chick from a rich family.



But it depends which culture and what time period you're talking, I'm sure.

user banned 2 kids; Silly, Belgium 6539 posts
26th Jun '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting *Mayhem*:</b>" Is it always given to the wife? Because I was thinking the Indian doctors we had at the hospital also ... [snip!] ... saying "sorry for taking a member of your family that could potentially contribute to the household...here's payment for her"."</blockquote>




No not always. That's different. Some regions of India do "bride selling" where they basically train their daughters their whole lives to be good wives and then basically auction them off to the highest, most prestigious bidder in a way to bring more honor to their family. Idk if that's the case you mentioned. Other regions the dowry is given from the brides family to the grooms family as a way of basically apologizing for passing off the burden of having a woman brought into their family.



In the middle east it's always groom/groom's family to bride. And the groom and his family always pay for the wedding too.

user banned 2 kids; Silly, Belgium 6539 posts
26th Jun '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Crystal

LittleBear's mama 3 kids; Ontario 480 posts
26th Jun '13

Personally I feel the same as others who have posted. Its archaic and makes women seem like property. How is it decided how much the dowry is anyway? I know in some native cultures (like in africa centuries ago), dowry was paid in the form of livestock. Hmmm...I wonder how many goats and cows I am worth?? lol

user banned 1 child; Portland, Maine 20613 posts
26th Jun '13
Quoting LittleBear's mama:" Personally I feel the same as others who have posted. Its archaic and makes women seem like property. ... [snip!] ... in africa centuries ago), dowry was paid in the form of livestock. Hmmm...I wonder how many goats and cows I am worth?? lol"


If you read what the OP posted later in the thread you'd know that that's not the kind of dowry she's talking about.

user banned 2 kids; Silly, Belgium 6539 posts
26th Jun '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting LittleBear's mama:</b>" Personally I feel the same as others who have posted. Its archaic and makes women seem like property. ... [snip!] ... in africa centuries ago), dowry was paid in the form of livestock. Hmmm...I wonder how many goats and cows I am worth?? lol"</blockquote>



In my culture the bride says what she wants and the man has to pay it
He can't even ask her to change it. In my case I asked for a car. He happened to have a friend who owned a dealership and he got the car for a lot cheaper than it's value, as a wedding gift from his friend. So he added cash to it. Then the gold he gave on his own.



It's not meant to say women are property. It's meant for the wife to have something to call her own and do what she wants with. I used my money to start a small business. Some choose to invest it. Some just save it just in case their husband dies unexpectedly or divorces them, so they have enough to pick themselves up on their feet. And some just spend it on shoes lol.



The car he gave me was totaled. Insurance gave me money for it as a total loss. I used some of it to buy a new car and put the rest in with my dowry money. Used about $10k of it in start up capital for my business. I have a little left. I also have a lot of gold jewelry from him and his family worth about $6-7k. From my business I have about $1.5-2k a month coming in. All of this is mine... if he dies or leaves I'll be able to support myself and kids easily...so how does this make me his property lol?

Ꭶwan♥Nemo 1 child; Kansas City, Missouri 7416 posts
26th Jun '13

I think the closest thing the West has to a dowry is that it is traditional the brides family pay for the wedding. My mother has a wedding savings for me, just in case my boyfriend eventually decides to ask me lol

user banned 2 kids; Silly, Belgium 6539 posts
26th Jun '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Kayla [:)]♥:</b>" Wikipedia says that there is no concept of "Dowry" in islam, and that using dowry as a translation from ... [snip!] ... And mahr is a requirement in muslim marriages, which is why THAT is not used here... unless you're muslim, of course. lol"</blockquote>



Yes I'm Muslim. What would an appropriate word be then if not dowry? It seems theres no English equivalent.

user banned Lesbos, Greece 95211 posts
26th Jun '13

Wouldn't a dowry be akin to the tradition of a bride's family paying for the wedding?

TheNuge 1 child; Pennsylvania 23050 posts
26th Jun '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Sly Saffy:</b>" Wouldn't a dowry be akin to the tradition of a bride's family paying for the wedding?"</blockquote>




I think so. That and paying for a new washer and dryer :)

The Doctor 2 kids; Whiskey Dick Mountain, WA, United States 59649 posts
26th Jun '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting TheNuge:</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting Sly Saffy:</b>" Wouldn't a dowry be akin to the tradition of ... [snip!] ... of a bride's family paying for the wedding?"</blockquote> I think so. That and paying for a new washer and dryer :)"</blockquote>



You got a washer and dryer? That's it. I'm throwing a hissy fit, immediately. Hehehe.

TheNuge 1 child; Pennsylvania 23050 posts
26th Jun '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting The Doctor:</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting TheNuge:</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting Sly Saffy:</b>" ... [snip!] ... and dryer :)"</blockquote> You got a washer and dryer? That's it. I'm throwing a hissy fit, immediately. Hehehe."</blockquote>




Lol. No. I married a man who already had a set.
But, I have heard of a few parents giving a w/d. I think it's a nice gift for a coup,e starting out.

The Doctor 2 kids; Whiskey Dick Mountain, WA, United States 59649 posts
26th Jun '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting TheNuge:</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting The Doctor:</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting TheNuge:</b>" ... [snip!] ... who already had a set. But, I have heard of a few parents giving a w/d. I think it's a nice gift for a coup,e starting out."</blockquote>




Definitely a great way to start. Much better than a roll of quarters for the laundromat....damn. There goes my gift idea, right out the window!