I am going to try my best to explain my situation without confusing anyone so please bare with me. Every month during my menstrual cycle my fiance and I argue over sex (or lack there of) He expects a bj or h**d j*b every night I am on my period. I understand he still needs his, but he is failing to understand I also still need mine as well. I have tried to get him in the shower and he refuses so a couple of nights during ill do what he likes and fall asleep upset while he falls asleep with a smile on his face. I have told him its so selfish that he expects to continue getting some and he wont help me get mine in any way just because mother nature has plans for me that week. So i told him that all he would need to do to help me is makeout with me and rub my body in certain places while I use a vibrator and then id please him orally. This has happened once and ever since he has made some excuse how its not his fault im bleeding but hes not so I shouldn't deny him just because its not convenient for me, That he has needs and I should be full filling those needs but I wont because I'm selfish and since i cant have any neither can he. This week without(actually like four nights) anything for him effects our entire relationship. When i'm not on my period we still have a few problems in our sex life as well...he likes to either jump into sex like we hadn't seen each other in weeks or he suggests foreplay. Foreplay i don't mind I really enjoy it, but those two ways are the only ways hes willing to get into it. this makes me feels like hes just using me for sex. I suggest we lay side by side and he lightly rub my body in sensual places and i do the same to him to give us a chance to have a romantic sexual experience. I don't expect this every night, just every so often so we feel a connection during sex and not just like we are doing it for the sake of achieving an orgasm. He responds to this in saying "that's too much trouble" then rolls over and that's when i cave and just do it the way he wanted. I am no longer feeling a sexual connection and am so close to telling him to use his hand and pornographic things to help him without the hassle. This to me is a horrible thought as I am completely against porn in any way. I am also upset that I dont feel that sexual connection. I want to want my fiance sexually, but I feel like hes pushing me and my feelings aside just so he can get it the way he wants when he wants. Then he tries to make me feel guilty for not giving him any. I don't know what to do. I am a very sexual person and he is making me feel as if i never want to have sex again...Please help me i am too emotional about this and It is killing me. Any advice anything from man or woman will help. Thank you
As soon as you said "he expects sex" the first big red flag went up. Sex shouldn't be expected, like you as a woman have to please him no matter how you're feeling.
he's a manipulator and an a*****e...and doesn't care about you, just him.
I could not marry someone like that, or even be in a relationship with them.
Sounds like a real a*****e. Kick him to the curb.
He sounds like a complete a*****e honestly but in the same sense you are pushing him to do something he's not comfortable with. Many people can't do planned sex because honestly, that's boring. If you are expecting a romance novel worthy rub down I doubt it will ever happen, if it has at all. You are wanting things just as much as him sexually so there has to be compromises.
It's not your duty to give him anything. YOU have your needs and he is being a prick. Any man should want to satisfy his woman the way She needs/wants. I would let him know it's a two way street and too much trouble for him would be no trouble for someone who was actually interested in making love not just f**king.
Woah woah woah. He gets upset when you don't want to do him sexual favors?! Honey, that is NOT OKAY. You should be able to say no to him without him pushing you into doing what he wants. He sounds like a huge jerk that's only looking out for himself.
thank you for the replies...do any of you think that there may be a way to sit down with him and have a talk about everything and work to change it? I know I sound hopeless, but we do love eachother. I came out of an eight year marriage, so I feel differently on alot of things about relationships then him as where he and I have been together for two years and is having a fairly difficult time settling into a shared life where its no longer you get sex when you want sex in any way it takes then your good. We have two kids at home and my two oldest every other weekend, so im drained alot of the time. I want to know if anyone thinks there is any hope to talking to him to get him to see my viewpoint or if its just never gonna happen?
It sounds as if there is a definite communication/understanding issue going on between the two of you. I do not think it is right for him to demand that you give him sexual favors, asking is okay as how will you know if you don't ask. I can understand his unwillingness to give you sexual favors when you're bleeding, many people are uncomfortable with that, but he should not require you to give them to him, that's just him being an @$$. It does sound like you two need to work something out so that both partners can be happy with their sex life, and both partners need to be able to compromise a little bit at least. If neither of you are willing to compromise then it might be time to bring in someone who can help facilitate a productive conversation with this matter. Our partners will not always be willing to do what we want and we will not always be willing to do what our partners want, we have to find a middle ground where we can both be satisfied without out consistently overstepping the others boundaries. It's all about being comfortable. I hope you can find a compromise that will suit both of you.
<blockquote><b>Quoting gigi88:</b>" thank you for the replies...do any of you think that there may be a way to sit down with him and have ... [snip!] ... to know if anyone thinks there is any hope to talking to him to get him to see my viewpoint or if its just never gonna happen?"</blockquote>
You'll only know if you try.
Quoting tay. ☮:" <blockquote><b>Quoting gigi88:</b>" thank you for the replies...do any of you think ... [snip!] ... to him to get him to see my viewpoint or if its just never gonna happen?"</blockquote> You'll only know if you try."
Exactly!! The only way you will find out is to sit down and talk to him if that does not help then I think you have the answer you need to make your decision. He only cares about his "needs" and not yours and a relationship should not be based that much on sex.
Hell DH and I rarely have sex (we can't right now but that is a different story haha) and we have a very strong relationship.
Sex should never feel like a chore for either of you. My husband and I don't have sex on my period for religious reasons so I use other methods of pleasing him during that time, but I do it because I enjoy making him feel good. I think you could try sitting down and talking about how you aren't satisfied with your sexual relationship and you feel like you're putting in more than you're getting out. Unfortunately though, a lot of guys just feel entitled to it and that's not how it should be. I suggest talking calmly about it though without an accusatory tone because if you end up fighting about sex you'll both resent each other in the future.. good luck.
I tried to talk to him today after we woke up. I told him I understand that he doesnt want to have sex while im on my period and Im ok with that, but he shouldnt expect me to be right there willing to do whatever it is he could possibly desire the entire week. That is when he said, "well you c*m about four or five times everytime we have sex so its only fair". Like, how do you even respond to that? I do have nights where I dont want anything and ill go down on him while hes playing a video game or watching tv sometimes while hes trying to fall asleep...then when hes like ok ur turn, im like no hun thats all for you im ok. But when I dont feel like doing anything at all, thats when I hear all the times i say no, or the "its only convenient for you". I don't know what else to try. Talking will help for a few weeks, then ill have to have another then another etc. I want a middle ground, I am obviously willing to make a common ground if hes willing to meet me in the middle. Thats where the majority of my problem is.
Quoting gigi88:" I tried to talk to him today after we woke up. I told him I understand that he doesnt want to have sex ... [snip!] ... obviously willing to make a common ground if hes willing to meet me in the middle. Thats where the majority of my problem is."
You need to just compromise. I have a very high sex drive, DH's is very low AND he works a lot. We compromised on three nights a week.