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Sucks that it has to be like this. ☮Hippie Jesus☮ 2 kids; West Virginia 10560 posts
2nd Jul '13

I realize that Kaden has family on his father's side... And most of them are great (even though they all sort of hate me for divorcing him, I know they love my son). His mother, though, is just so vindictive and evil to me... and was when we were married. And it's honestly probably my fault. I called her out on all of her childish shit and her pushing her kids away... because, at the time, I could see that BD was hurting for a relationship with his mom.



The woman has a history of drug abuse. Pills, actually... She would sit at her kitchen table in front of God and everyone, including her son who was 12 at the time, and snort pills. Her ex-husband would beat up her son (now my ex-husband) and she'd stand around and do nothing... He actually has physical scars of welts on his back from being beaten with a belt. I witnessed HER beating him up one time. We were over for Christmas and he was helping set up a playstation game or something and he couldn't get it to work on that particular tv right, and after a bunch of yelling and cursing, she punched him in the back of his head. Of course we quickly left after that. She's just so self-centered and has never seemed to give two shits about either of her boys, so why is she going to be great with mine? She runs around in her mini skirts, short shorts... whatever... and 4 inch wedge heels... tits hanging out, etc. She dresses like a rebellious 15 year old girl.



And now, after BD took me to court, she is allowed to take my son with her to her home 3 hours away. Well, actually BD is allowed to... But he has no backbone when his mom is around. I can't trust him to keep Kaden safe when he's with her. And BD has no transportation of his own, so once they're with her, they're stuck with her until she's good and ready to bring them back.



Of course she's been in town since we've been divorced and has seen Kaden and been around Kaden, but that's always been in the company of her mother (Kaden's great-grandmother)... I actually really like that lady. I know nothing bad will happen to Kaden when she's around.



BD wouldn't have even taken me to court. The papers were filled out in her handwriting. She did it. She only had him do that because she knew it was the ONE thing that I feel strongly about regarding him having Kaden. I love that he wants to be involved in his life, but it's so hard knowing that now my son can be taken on any of BD's weekends to her house and he can't stand up for anything when she's around.



Legally, there is nothing I can do but hope that my son won't be exposed to all of the things I've witnessed around her and that he will be alright. When we were married, even BD would say that he didn't want his mom around our son because of everything I've mentioned.



She was in town a few weeks ago for a family reunion that Kaden went along with them to. There was a pool, so he had lots of fun swimming and whatnot. When he came home, I was just trying to talk to him about his weekend and be excited that he got to do all of these things and I was talking to him about swimming. I said, "Wow, that sounds like fun! I wish I could go swimming too! We should go sometime, huh?" And my 3 year old son replied, "Oh, but grandma don't want you to go, momma." What the actual fuck is going on for my 3 year old to be able to see that grandma doesn't like mommy?



Anyway, nothing to do about it. Just venting, I guess.



ETA: Oh, and the reason that this is a new development is because when we got our divorce, we agreed that since he was so young, he was not to be taken out of the state without both of us agreeing... and it was in our parenting plan. But his bringing it up in court this time changed all of that.

Garfield636 TTC since Apr 2013; 16 kids; Utica, Michigan 599 posts
2nd Jul '13

This really sucks..... I would hate the feeling of not being able to keep my child away from a person that has bad influence on them.... You feel like you have no control. Since there is nothing that you can legally do, maybe try to stay on good terms with BD and make sure that he controls things. Good luck

☮Hippie Jesus☮ 2 kids; West Virginia 10560 posts
2nd Jul '13
Quoting Garfield636:" This really sucks..... I would hate the feeling of not being able to keep my child away from a person ... [snip!] ... is nothing that you can legally do, maybe try to stay on good terms with BD and make sure that he controls things. Good luck"


We're on good terms. The only time he's a dick to me is when his mom is in town... He won't answer my calls/texts while he has our son when she's around. And I feel like I'm always kind to him when we're exchanging Kaden. He just melts at his mother's feet because he tries so, so hard to please her, make her happy, and to have some kind of relationship with her.

A is Me 1 child; South Carolina 3782 posts
2nd Jul '13

If she's still using drugs, or physically abusive, maybe try to keep track of these incidents? I know you won't see many, if any, cause she is three hours away but still.... And I'm sure you brought up her past behavior in court but I *think* that bad-mouthing parents to a child is not looked upon favorably by judges.

orchidlovingmama 2 kids; Santa Rosa, California 1769 posts
2nd Jul '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting ☮Hippie Jesus☮:</b>" I realize that Kaden has family on his father's side... And most of them are great (even though they ... [snip!] ... without both of us agreeing... and it was in our parenting plan. But his bringing it up in court this time changed all of that."</blockquote>




I can only speculate, but I bet your DS said something to the effect that he wishes his mom could come swimming and she probably shot the idea down. What a conniving biotch. Sorry you have to deal with that.

Mama2(three)Boys ♥ 3 kids; New Jersey 9755 posts
status 2nd Jul '13

That really sucks. I'm sorry. Have you talked to your BD about what your 3 year old said to you. Because obviously things are being said around him if he said that to you and that's totally not okay.

☮Hippie Jesus☮ 2 kids; West Virginia 10560 posts
2nd Jul '13
Quoting A is Me:" If she's still using drugs, or physically abusive, maybe try to keep track of these incidents? I know ... [snip!] ... up her past behavior in court but I *think* that bad-mouthing parents to a child is not looked upon favorably by judges."


I actually didn't say anything about her behavior in court because I felt like it would make me look like I was grasping for whatever I could... I will just wait and see what happens, I guess. Plus, I haven't been around her for any length of time since we've been divorced, so I have no proof. I just know that I've been there and witnessed it before... for the entire 6 years that BD and I were together.

☮Hippie Jesus☮ 2 kids; West Virginia 10560 posts
2nd Jul '13
Quoting L&J ♥:" That really sucks. I'm sorry. Have you talked to your BD about what your 3 year old said to you. Because obviously things are being said around him if he said that to you and that's totally not okay."


I haven't yet. I intend to talk to him about it in person during one of our exchanges rather than over the phone.

☮Hippie Jesus☮ 2 kids; West Virginia 10560 posts
2nd Jul '13
Quoting A is Me:" If she's still using drugs, or physically abusive, maybe try to keep track of these incidents? I know ... [snip!] ... up her past behavior in court but I *think* that bad-mouthing parents to a child is not looked upon favorably by judges."


Right, but what proof do I have? I don't even have proof that my son said it. We were just taking a walk to the mailbox one evening and talking about his weekend and his said it. If I don't have proof, I assume that I just look like a pissed off ex-wife in court...

A is Me 1 child; South Carolina 3782 posts
2nd Jul '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting ☮Hippie Jesus☮:</b>" I actually didn't say anything about her behavior in court because I felt like it would make me look ... [snip!] ... have no proof. I just know that I've been there and witnessed it before... for the entire 6 years that BD and I were together."</blockquote>




Well I know I might sound like a bitch for saying this, but, you should have brought it up if it concerned you. Obviously it does concern you enough to be on here posting about it. Even if nothing came of it then, you would have laid the groundwork for your case in the future if she does do anything wrong around your son that you can get proof of. It sounds like your BD doesn't live with his mom, so Im confused as to why you didn't at least let the judge be made aware of her past behavior if it's going to negatively affect your son....

☮Hippie Jesus☮ 2 kids; West Virginia 10560 posts
2nd Jul '13
Quoting A is Me:" <blockquote><b>Quoting ☮Hippie Jesus☮:</b>" I actually didn't say anything ... [snip!] ... as to why you didn't at least let the judge be made aware of her past behavior if it's going to negatively affect your son...."


Before I was even able to respond, the judge basically told him, yeah sure.. we usually allow parents to do that. It's not like he asked to take Kaden to his mom's. He asked for permission to take him out of the state, which is pretty standard. He would have been able to do it to begin with if we hadn't intentionally added that it was not to happen in our original parenting plan.



And I have no actual proof.

☮Hippie Jesus☮ 2 kids; West Virginia 10560 posts
2nd Jul '13

I did clearly tell them that I was not okay with it. The judge shot me down pretty quickly, though.



I need to maintain control and retain my image in court. I have a great attorney and I'm sure we'll be back. I can't be making accusations unless I have something concrete to bring to the table.

A is Me 1 child; South Carolina 3782 posts
2nd Jul '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting ☮Hippie Jesus☮:</b>" Before I was even able to respond, the judge basically told him, yeah sure.. we usually allow parents ... [snip!] ... with if we hadn't intentionally added that it was not to happen in our original parenting plan. And I have no actual proof."</blockquote>



I see what you're saying.
So you couldn't have said, "I'd prefer that he not be around his maternal grandmother without me present due to her PAST drug use and violent begavior?" I mean, I know you don't have proof but if you ever DO have proof one day, being able to say that you mentioned it before will make your claim all the more believable, right?
And I could be wrong, but would your stating that you are uncomfortable with him around BD's mom not have brought up the issue of grandparent visitation? That would be a seperate issue completely from whether or not BD can take him out of state.

A is Me 1 child; South Carolina 3782 posts
2nd Jul '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting ☮Hippie Jesus☮:</b>" I did clearly tell them that I was not okay with it. The judge shot me down pretty quickly, though. ... [snip!] ... attorney and I'm sure we'll be back. I can't be making accusations unless I have something concrete to bring to the table."</blockquote>




So wait, I think I'm not understanding you right. Before you said that you didn't mention her behavior in court, and just now you said the judge shot you down when you said you were uncomfortable with it... Unconfortable with what? BD taking your son out of state or with DS being around his mother?

☮Hippie Jesus☮ 2 kids; West Virginia 10560 posts
2nd Jul '13
Quoting A is Me:" <blockquote><b>Quoting ☮Hippie Jesus☮:</b>" I did clearly tell them that ... [snip!] ... you were uncomfortable with it... Unconfortable with what? BD taking your son out of state or with DS being around his mother?"


She acted like she she was just giving him permission to take our son on some kind of vacation or shopping or something, like for a day trip that happens to be out of state (since we live close to the state line). I said that what he wants is permission to take him to _____(city where his mom lives) with his mother. And I am uncomfortable with the fact that he will be 3 hours away at her home. She immediately replied that "there's no reason why we wouldn't allow either parent to take the child out of the state, especially to visit family". Shot down.