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Cast Your Vote:

    • Yes, he has the right. -- Votes: 23
    • No, it's completely her choice. -- Votes: 18
justanothamotha Due January 20; 130 kids; Climax, Michigan 5120 posts
4th Jul '13
Quoting Laneys*Mama:" <blockquote><b>Quoting justanothamotha:</b>" Yes - I was already clear I think. You ... [snip!] ... you go for your next ultrasound I would like to go if that's okay". Not that this debate was even the question I asked :?"

It's not like I didn't answer your original question - you asked ME more questions. :? Not sure why your acting like *I* derailed the topic.



And yes the mother does have more say since what is happening is INSIDE her own body. It is equally his child once outside of her womb, but until then, he can voice concerns, they can discuss things, but he is allowed only as much (or as little) participation in any of it as mom decides to give him. And frankly I can't see how it could work any other way. I cant' decide for Dh to get a vasectomy, even if I know he doesn't want more kids, even though we both don't want more kids and even though I am his wife.

user banned 1 child; Jamaica, OH, United States 7126 posts
4th Jul '13
Quoting justanothamotha:" It's not like I didn't answer your original question - you asked ME more questions. :? Not sure why your ... [snip!] ... a vasectomy, even if I know he doesn't want more kids, even though we both don't want more kids and even though I am his wife."


So since she's actually carrying the child, the father has 0 say in what happens to HIS child that without him would not be there?

justanothamotha Due January 20; 130 kids; Climax, Michigan 5120 posts
6th Jul '13
Quoting Laneys*Mama:" So since she's actually carrying the child, the father has 0 say in what happens to HIS child that without him would not be there?"

Yes - that is the law. You act as if I am the only one who sees it that way & frankly the law does & so do MANY MANY others. *I* don't choose to exclude Dh from things while pregnant, but then again he has never asked me to do anything at all, let alone something I didn't want to do.... If he didn't want me to have an epidural (because there are risks involved) and I wanted one, I'd get it. I don't expect him to have no feelings over these decisions. I get that he will have feelings about it - but at the end of the day it IS happening inside my body & to my body, so I have to be in control of my OWN body, regardless of who is temporarily rooming in, even his child.



And yes the child wouldn't exist without him. So what? They have an orgasm...and we get 10 months of gestation leading to labor & delivery & then possibly onto breastfeeding for whatever length of time after. If it is going to involve ME for alllll that time, and my body, I am not going to let anyone, not even the father, tell me what I need to do in that time. My Dh wouldn't do that though. He trusts me & I have earned that trust...he supports me entirely in whatever I decide in pregnancy & delivery & I guess I had no idea that was something I should perhaps appreciate more. I guess I thought when you were in a loving, committed relationship, most men would give you that trust & respect. He didn't even like the idea of a homebirth (for various reasons - non of which are safety,a s he knows they are quite safe), but he was totally willing to be on board if I really wanted to do that. I guess I thought more partners had your back instead of trying to push you into what they want.

user banned 1 child; Jamaica, OH, United States 7126 posts
9th Jul '13

Just an update!



My brothers girlfriend had an ultrasound today and opted to invite my mother AND me!! She told my brother (after they get there) that she doesn't want to know the gender. So we go in the room and the tech is doin he thing and I realize she's about to show the gender without even asking. I looked at April and was like "if you don't want to know the baby's sex you should turn your head now!" So the lady immediately moves it and is like, oh you don't want to know?! My brother said I do! So mom decided since she couldn't stop him from knowing that she wanted to know too.
I'm having a niece!!

Boobo&bugs Due September 24; 1 child; Simpsonville, South Carolina 7164 posts
status 9th Jul '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Laneys*Mama:</b>" Just an update! My brothers girlfriend had an ultrasound today and opted to invite my mother AND me!! ... [snip!] ... My brother said I do! So mom decided since she couldn't stop him from knowing that she wanted to know too. I'm having a niece!!"</blockquote>




Well I hope you all are good at keeping your mouths shut. And you all should have not found out with her. You know someone is going to tell someone whose going to tell someone whose accidentally gonna tell the mom the sex of her baby lol. I don't see that ending well for you guys. But congratulations

user banned 1 child; Jamaica, OH, United States 7126 posts
9th Jul '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting kate & tilly:</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting Laneys*Mama:</b>" Just an update! My brothers girlfriend had ... [snip!] ... whose accidentally gonna tell the mom the sex of her baby lol. I don't see that ending well for you guys. But congratulations"</blockquote>




Okay well let me reiterate since you couldn't understand. She invited us to go. She found out the sex with us.
She thought if she didn't want to know they wouldn't tell my brother either. My brother wanted to know so the tech told her to look away, and she said if he gets to know I want to know, too.
We are not telling anyone what they are having. They want to have a gender reveal party. It's not our place to tell anyone. We were quiet observers.

Boobo&bugs Due September 24; 1 child; Simpsonville, South Carolina 7164 posts
status 9th Jul '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Laneys*Mama:</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting kate & tilly:</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting Laneys*Mama:</b>" ... [snip!] ... what they are having. They want to have a gender reveal party. It's not our place to tell anyone. We were quiet observers."</blockquote>




Ah I thought you said your mom and your brother found out! Makes more sense that they both found out. I was just thinking what kinda woman could stand the suspense of not knowing when everyone else does!

user banned 1 child; :), :), United States 5380 posts
9th Jul '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Laneys*Mama:</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting kate & tilly:</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting Laneys*Mama:</b>" ... [snip!] ... what they are having. They want to have a gender reveal party. It's not our place to tell anyone. We were quiet observers."</blockquote>



The way you phrased it at the end made it sound like it was your mom finding out, not your SIL.

eKnuckles Due February 13; Florida 3465 posts
status 9th Jul '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Jake Blues:</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting Laneys*Mama:</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting kate & ... [snip!] ... observers."</blockquote> The way you phrased it at the end made it sound like it was your mom finding out, not your SIL."</blockquote>




Yes!! I thought the same thing, but decided not to comment. I would never let that happen...but I guess it didn't actually happen.

user banned 1 child; :), :), United States 5380 posts
9th Jul '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting eKnuckles:</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting Jake Blues:</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting Laneys*Mama:</b>" ... [snip!] ... I thought the same thing, but decided not to comment. I would never let that happen...but I guess it didn't actually happen."</blockquote>



I just said something because I thought it was rude that she said "Let me reiterate since you couldn't understand", when her post was confusing in the first place.



Anyway, congrats on your niece OP.

Boobo&bugs Due September 24; 1 child; Simpsonville, South Carolina 7164 posts
status 9th Jul '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Jake Blues:</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting eKnuckles:</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting Jake Blues:</b>" ... [snip!] ... reiterate since you couldn't understand", when her post was confusing in the first place. Anyway, congrats on your niece OP."</blockquote>




Thanks I thought it was a little rude too. But whatever. Apparently I wasn't the only one that misunderstood.

user banned 1 child; :), :), United States 5380 posts
9th Jul '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting kate & tilly:</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting Jake Blues:</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting eKnuckles:</b>" ... [snip!] ... Thanks I thought it was a little rude too. But whatever. Apparently I wasn't the only one that misunderstood."</blockquote>



I got your back, homie. :P

user banned 1 child; Jamaica, OH, United States 7126 posts
9th Jul '13

Sorry, I meant mom as in the baby's mom, not my mom. I didn't even pay attention to how I worded it so I couldn't figure out why I was getting so much attitude for going somewhere I was invited to go lol. I guess it was just misunderstanding all the way around.