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do you favor one child? I Stab People 3 kids; Zambia 6604 posts
4th Jul '13

i dont want to say i favor one child.. but i didnt know how to put it.

i have 2 girls that are older (almost 8 and 6) that i had normal pregnancy/deliver with. their dad was very involved when they were babies. i BF and coslept and it was just how parenting i thought was supposed to be, and being a mommy was supposed to feel.

fast forward to now, my son is almost 20 months, normal pregnancy with a very traumatic birth (was born with a undiagnosed critical congenital heart defect) i wasnt able to BF-- tho i did pump for 9 months, and his dad left us at 6 weeks, back at 5 months, left again at 12 months and is now gone permanetly.

weve gone thru 2 open heart, 3 heart caths, a few other hospitalizations thrown in there, feeding issues, weight issues, his dads not involved. and im just like... idk..

i feel like i give my son SO MUCH MORE attention than my other kids, and i dont really feel bad about it, untill i think about it.. like right now.. they stayed the night at their nanas last night. and i feel i miss my SON but not my daughters? not to say i dont LOVE my daughters, but it just idk.. feels different.

and i feel like a horrible mom posting this..

its hard to explain :/

my girls are not neglected. and i tell themi love them all the time, and i do.. but i just feel more attached to my son anymore than them..

justanothamotha Due January 20; 130 kids; Climax, Michigan 5120 posts
4th Jul '13

It's normal momma. He is little & not well - so he needs you more & in return you automatically respond to that. It won't always be that way...when he is older & "the playing field" so to speak is more even amongst your children & their needs, you will see it differently. Don't worry about it. You have a lot on your plate & I am sure they ALL know they are deeply loved.

♥ laura-marie + 1 1 child; Stalybridge, United Kingdom 1334 posts
4th Jul '13

You probably don't favour your son.
I'm guessing that with everything you have been through with him you just worry about him more which is understandable. You know your daughters are fine and happy but you will constantly worry about your son.
It's normal to feel stronger about your son with the things you both have been through.
I wouldn't beat yourself up about it though.
Don't worry.

Buckeye Due August 13; 3 kids; 1 angel baby; Mt Gilead, Ohio 882 posts
4th Jul '13

Totally normal. I worry about the samething. I have a 5 year old, 6 year old and 18 month old boys and feel I favor the 18 month old. I really don't he just needs more attention and is a HUGE mommas boy. My older 2 are just more independant. I love on them too, it is just different because they are older.

I Stab People 3 kids; Zambia 6604 posts
4th Jul '13

Thank you guys <3

* Kat * 2 kids; Okinawa, Japan 373 posts
4th Jul '13

I always feel like a terrible mother, because inwardly, I know I "favor" my oldest (hes 8 years old) over my 3 year old.



I love them both, in their own ways. I adore my little girl.



It's not so much 'favor' though, its hard to explain. I would do anything for either of them. My son saved me though. I was on a downward spiral when I got pregnant with him, and he turned my whole life around. The first time I felt him move I felt more alive than I ever had. When I first held him-something inside me woke up, and I was a different person from that moment on.



Obviously, I loved being pregnant with my 2nd. I loved the first kicks, the first time I held her. But it was DIFFERENT.



Neither would ever guess that I have any type of feelings but equal love for either, but inside...I feel like the bond I have with my son is something that I will never have with her.

mama3trish 3 kids; Ontario 9524 posts
4th Jul '13

You have had a really tough time-so sorry for that. I just had a conversation with my 9 year old about this last night. I have two daughters and then a son. Oldest daughter has severe anxiety disorder, second kid problem free, youngest had major surgery and now moderate autism. So I explained when she accused me of laughing and preferring middle daughter more- "I have 12 hours in the day to spend on each of you, so that you are all equal, and if your 4 hours are used to be dealing with panic attacks and bickering, and your brothers is used to teach him to sit at a table, then the middle kid(Sophie) does get more fun time because she didn't use all of her 4 hours dealing with issues" I think you are just more protective of him, and I think because you have almost lost him that you experienced desperation and transferred that to loving him more. Also he is more needy, whereas the girls are relatively independent. I would just do the best you can to try and show the girls equality though, and if asked why he gets more attention just explain that he has more needs.

L&J ♥ +1 Due August 29 (boy); 2 kids; New Jersey 7238 posts
4th Jul '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting justanothamotha:</b>" It's normal momma. He is little & not well - so he needs you more & in return you automatically ... [snip!] ... see it differently. Don't worry about it. You have a lot on your plate & I am sure they ALL know they are deeply loved."</blockquote>




This. <3