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this is going to tear my whole family apart The Master 2 kids; Perth, Australia 19989 posts
4th Jul '13

6 years ago SO and I got ourselves into a huge amount of financially difficulty to the point we almost went bankrupt. Due to a horrific credit rating and no rental history we found it impossible to find a rental anywhere, so we moved in with my parents. Lets just say this didn't go wonderfully. Anyway we had an arrangement with my parents 3 years ago that we would put every bit of money we had down on the land and they would build a really cheap house on here for us to live in. The understanding was that we would pay all the mortgage, rates, bills, maintainence etc. Something which we have been doing ever since.



My parents are OCD at cleaning and decorating their house looks like something out of a magazine and they're the kind of people that don't let you touch the walls or windows in case of fingermarks. Anyway they've done nothing but nag at us for years because we haven't finished decorating or landscaping .. we keep running out of time and/or money.



At the time of building they had to put 20% deposit for our house onto theirs. They are now moving into a retirement village and have just sold their house and are attempting to refinance ours to incorporate that 20% ... something they've already been pre-approved for. However the bank is dragging their feet getting valuers out here ... and the longer it takes now the more my other has convinced herself that we've destroyed this house and its not worth anything.



She's taken to screaming and yelling at me that I've ruined her life, that my SO is a fat lazy asshole who doesn't do anything, that I'm going to cause my dad to have a heart attack. This is obviously causing a lot of strain on my SO and I since he is doing his best to get this place up to scratch, its just not to my parents standards. I just know that we're not going to come through this in one piece since we've started resenting each other now. I also know that my relationship with my parents isn't going to be the same after all this is said and done .. no matter the end result.



I just feel like I can't handle this shit anymore and I just want to pack up and leave them all to it.

penispenispenisVAGINA 4 kids; Idaho 7116 posts
4th Jul '13

I would find a new place to live asap. I wouldn't deal with that.

user banned 2 kids; Silly, Belgium 6539 posts
4th Jul '13

I've read a lot of your posts in the past and I really think you have a significant amount of stress in your life. I just want to say I'm sorry and I feel for you. I would also look into ways of reducing this stress..maybe taking a break from certain people for a while and getting some counseling because this isn't good for you and your emotional health.

The Master 2 kids; Perth, Australia 19989 posts
4th Jul '13
Quoting ♥ my~boysX3+1♥:" I would find a new place to live asap. I wouldn't deal with that. "


my parents have legally signed the equity in this place over to us ... so the more its worth at sale the more we come out with (currently looking at around $100,000 if we get the walls painted and the back garden finished). We've been given an ultimatum of 6 months.

bairs girl Due May 12; Japan 7 posts
4th Jul '13

YES YES LEAVING MAY BE YOUR BEST OPTION. FOR YOUR FAMILY SAKE FINE A CHEAP APT. SO YOU CAN DO IT PROPERLY AS YOURSELF INSTEAD OF TRYING TO ARGUE THE UNWINABLE PARENTAL ARGUMENT

user banned 2 kids; Silly, Belgium 6539 posts
4th Jul '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Destiel:</b>" my parents have legally signed the equity in this place over to us ... so the more its worth at sale ... [snip!] ... at around $100,000 if we get the walls painted and the back garden finished). We've been given an ultimatum of 6 months."</blockquote>



I would do that. Take out a home improvement loan and finish it asap, give them the 20% or whatever and move a bit further away from them if they live close to you.

The Master 2 kids; Perth, Australia 19989 posts
4th Jul '13
Quoting Pusherman _tko_:" I've read a lot of your posts in the past and I really think you have a significant amount of stress ... [snip!] ... a break from certain people for a while and getting some counseling because this isn't good for you and your emotional health."


I just feel like telling them all to just fuck off, taking my part of the profits on this place, and moving to one of the cheaper suburbs an hour south and buying a 2 bedroom villa or something for me and the boys. Let them all just wallow in it to be honest.

The Master 2 kids; Perth, Australia 19989 posts
4th Jul '13
Quoting Pusherman _tko_:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Destiel:</b>" my parents have legally signed the equity in ... [snip!] ... loan and finish it asap, give them the 20% or whatever and move a bit further away from them if they live close to you."


they currently live next door though that's changing when they go into the retirement home

user banned 2 kids; Silly, Belgium 6539 posts
4th Jul '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Destiel:</b>" I just feel like telling them all to just fuck off, taking my part of the profits on this place, and ... [snip!] ... an hour south and buying a 2 bedroom villa or something for me and the boys. Let them all just wallow in it to be honest."</blockquote>




If you think that would improve your quality of life I say go for it. But make sure you have a plan so you don't get in over your head as well as have an established support system for the transition.

The Master 2 kids; Perth, Australia 19989 posts
4th Jul '13
Quoting Pusherman _tko_:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Destiel:</b>" I just feel like telling them all to just fuck ... [snip!] ... make sure you have a plan so you don't get in over your head as well as have an established support system for the transition."


I have no support system ... my parents are my only family in the country and without SO I have nothing. The reason I would go south is because I do have friends down there, unfortunately nobody who could put me up.

user banned 2 kids; Silly, Belgium 6539 posts
4th Jul '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Destiel:</b>" I have no support system ... my parents are my only family in the country and without SO I have nothing. ... [snip!] ... I have nothing. The reason I would go south is because I do have friends down there, unfortunately nobody who could put me up."</blockquote>




That makes it more difficult but certainly not impossible. I think you really need to take it into consideration and think about all possible outcomes of where you could be even 1 year from now and consider whether that's better than where you currently are. Also, find some support groups for women in similar situations as you and keep close touch with your friends in the south from now, but don't immediately tell them any plans you're making.

user banned 3 kids; Texas 26201 posts
4th Jul '13
Quoting Destiel:" I have no support system ... my parents are my only family in the country and without SO I have nothing. ... [snip!] ... I have nothing. The reason I would go south is because I do have friends down there, unfortunately nobody who could put me up."



America is calling your name!

♥ The Prodigy Due March 3 (boy); 33 kids; Perth, Australia 5617 posts
4th Jul '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Destiel:</b>" I have no support system ... my parents are my only family in the country and without SO I have nothing. ... [snip!] ... I have nothing. The reason I would go south is because I do have friends down there, unfortunately nobody who could put me up."</blockquote>




Have you looked at freelife homes on reiwa? They're a great company to get a newbuild through and if you can get a lot of deposit you wouldn't need to worry about your credit too much they're pretty easy going and there's houses for around 260.000.
That sucks your mums being like that, my mum wants me to build on her land, no way!