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Cast Your Vote:

    • Keep X as best man and pray he comes good -- Votes: 4
    • Politely tell X that he can't be best man -- Votes: 31
    • De-friend X completely -- Votes: 19
Best man is a total jerk! What should we do? *Poll* Emmiboo 1 child; United Kingdom 3270 posts
4th Jul '13

We are getting married in October 2014. My SO has already asked his best friend to be his best man. I was totally behind this decision at the time. However, since then this so called 'best friend' (I will call him X) has been anything but friendly.
He never ever does anything for my SO. He even openly admits that he only ever does anything for others if he gets something in return.
He told us he won't be doing a best man's speech and I was OK with that because I thought it was maybe too much pressure to do public speaking. When I said that to him he replied "Oh no it's not because I'm scared of public speaking. It's because I can't be bothered to do a speech".
I just find that very disrespectful. We even offered to write the speech for him but he said no.
After a few days of us asking him to reconsider doing a speech he said "Fine, I'l do a speech but you won't like what I say. Don't forget I know everything about Graham's past and I will tell all".
Graham, my SO has a very dark past that he is not proud of. Only his nearest and dearest know and the threat of having it told at the wedding will make both Graham and I worry on the day. graham lost his mum as a young teen and then his dad died when he was 16. If that wasn't bad enough he then found out after his dad died that his dad had been abusing his sisters for years. Graham turned to drugs and crime. It took over 10 years to leave that drug and crime life and rebuild his future. He is now a respectable father of 2 with a home and decent job. His colleagues and boss will be at our wedding.
The answer is obvious to me. To tell his so called friend that his best man services are no longer required. Unfortunately, Graham thinks that once you ask someone, you can not un-ask them. This is our big day and we do not need bad friends ruining it. Graham is far too nice now! X is his friend from childhood and Graham is convinced that all those years means something. It should. In this case it doesn't. :(
So....... (sorry for the long story) can you please let me know using the poll, what you would do in this situation. Give details if needed.
Thank you.

Bad Things 1 child; Blacksburg, SC, United States 16743 posts
4th Jul '13
Quoting Emmiboo:" We are getting married in October 2014. My SO has already asked his best friend to be his best man. I ... [snip!] ... long story) can you please let me know using the poll, what you would do in this situation. Give details if needed. Thank you."


I would let SO choose.



Worse thing to come from it is X turns up, makes an ass out of himself, and SO finally sees he doesnt need him in his life.

Emmiboo 1 child; United Kingdom 3270 posts
4th Jul '13
Quoting JessieLeeAnne:" I would let SO choose. Worse thing to come from it is X turns up, makes an ass out of himself, and SO finally sees he doesnt need him in his life. "


I just hope that he won't tell all about SO's past in public. I'm sure SO's work colleagues and boss would understand but still, it's Graham's past to tell. Maybe Graham should tell his work friends a few bits. Not the whole story but maybe drop it into conversation that he did things in his past that were awful and he's really turned it around.

Emmiboo 1 child; United Kingdom 3270 posts
4th Jul '13

Also, this is our huge day, not to mention it costing thousands. I really don't want it ruined by the worry of him messing it up. Or worse still him actually messing it up. I reckon Graham needs to have a proper chat with X and give him a choice. Either he embraces the role of best man and makes our day amazing or he steps down.

user banned 2 kids; Moses Lake, Washington 13508 posts
4th Jul '13

Why can't you just not worry about the speech. It's not a big deal. Really.

Emmiboo 1 child; United Kingdom 3270 posts
4th Jul '13
Quoting Jillynne:" Why can't you just not worry about the speech. It's not a big deal. Really."


I am all for just forgetting the speech if needs be. However it still bugs me that he threatened to ruin the wedding and admits he can't be bothered to make an effort. Is that really someone deemed worthy of being a best man? It's my SO's choice in the end as to who his best man is but really this guy is just acting less and less like a real friend. I will tolerate him for my SO's sake.

Garfield636 TTC since Apr 2013; 16 kids; Utica, Michigan 599 posts
4th Jul '13

It's your wedding so its your decisions. I would never risk my big day being ruined by some jerk like this. Tell him you changed your mind because of his behavior.

Gir! 2 kids; Ohio 7504 posts
4th Jul '13

You both should have a say in it. He definitely doesn't need to be a best man. He should just be a minor part in the wedding if at all. That is so disrespectful and disgusting

Emmiboo 1 child; United Kingdom 3270 posts
4th Jul '13
Quoting Garfield636:" It's your wedding so its your decisions. I would never risk my big day being ruined by some jerk like this. Tell him you changed your mind because of his behavior."


It really may have to come to that if he can't take it more seriously.

Vivialopod 2 kids; Vantaa, Finland 42775 posts
4th Jul '13

I wouldn't want DH around him at all. What a pos.

mamaofarunner 1 child; Kansas City, Kansas 1672 posts
4th Jul '13

I would be all bridezilla on his ass. What a douche.

Mr's&Family* 2 kids; Arizona 3696 posts
4th Jul '13

Ugh, I would NOT want him in the wedding!

FroggysMommy 1 child; Golden, Colorado 26783 posts
4th Jul '13

That fool wouldn't be going to the wedding at all if I had my say. Holy shit... he doesn't sound like a good dude at all.

Subtle As A Hurricane 2 kids; Texas 4126 posts
5th Jul '13

With friends like that, who needs enemies? I don't think he should be best man or even invited to the wedding.

FroggysMommy 1 child; Golden, Colorado 26783 posts
5th Jul '13
Quoting Subtle As A Hurricane:" With friends like that, who needs enemies? I don't think he should be best man or even invited to the wedding. "


This, I'd uninvite him REAL quick.