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Cast Your Vote:

    • daddy -- Votes: 9
    • other -- Votes: 1
    • his name -- Votes: 7
    • do not let him see her -- Votes: 3
need help with dead beat baby daddy blah 17 kids; Alabama 7639 posts
8th Jul '13

So my BD is a deadbeat. he only saw her about 7 times from 7 months old to 11 months old. he never gave me a penny. I cannot do child support bc they suck here and dont care. He hasnt seen her since 12/7/12. He now ha a job and wants to see her. He makes 7.25 per hour and will work about 40 hours per week. My requirement is he see her at least once per week so I can do a few hours of overtime and he pay me $20 per week. Is this fair?



My main question is his anme. She can talk very well for her age now and we don't say Daddy at my house. I do not want her to call him daddy bc he is not consistent and the day she asks for her daddy and he is not there I am going to cry and go f**k him up. I dont want him to hurt her. I have given him chance after chance but he never had a job before. So should I even let him see her? what should she call him?



Help WWYD?

BαtMαɳ Gotham, __, United States 65402 posts
8th Jul '13

Deadbeat or not, that will always be her Dad.

blah 17 kids; Alabama 7639 posts
8th Jul '13
Quoting BαtMαɳ:" Deadbeat or not, that will always be her Dad."



I have the choice not to let him see her at all. He knows he is either in or out. I don't call my mother Mom bc she isnt one.



He will always be her father bc he is her sperm donor but a Daddy is someone who takes care of a child whether it is the donor or not

BαtMαɳ Gotham, __, United States 65402 posts
8th Jul '13
Quoting naturally crunchy:" I have the choice not to let him see her at all. He knows he is either in or out. I don't call my ... [snip!] ... always be her father bc he is her sperm donor but a Daddy is someone who takes care of a child whether it is the donor or not"


But a kid is too young to know that. She should be able to choose what to call him when she gets older. I was adopted when I was 6 and I called my birth dad, dad, until I was old enough to choose differently.

☆ Erica 1 child; Flat Rock, Michigan 1439 posts
8th Jul '13
Quoting naturally crunchy:" I have the choice not to let him see her at all. He knows he is either in or out. I don't call my ... [snip!] ... always be her father bc he is her sperm donor but a Daddy is someone who takes care of a child whether it is the donor or not"


Being a sperm donor isn't enough to earn the title "daddy".



With that being said, i'd sit the f****r down and tell him that this is his one chance. If he's going to be in her life then he needs to stay, if he doesn't plan to then c yaa.

Good Queen Bess 2 kids; Ontario 45928 posts
8th Jul '13

Wait, why can't you file for child support?

A & T + 2♡ 2 kids; Kansas 19152 posts
8th Jul '13
Quoting BαtMαɳ:" Deadbeat or not, that will always be her Dad."


:!: Exactly. I think it's kinda messed up too how you're making him pay just to be able to see her. Just my opinion though.

Whitnaaaaaay Due March 27; 3 kids; Maryland 2365 posts
8th Jul '13

My first daughter's father was the same way. She calls my husband daddy and she calls her biological father by his name. To me, the word daddy is a term of endearment that he doesn't deserve. I'm not taking away his right to be her father and she knows what he is to her. And now, she's old enough to call him daddy if she wants but she doesn't.

Jenny&Boopy TTC since Jul 2014; 2 kids; Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania 7324 posts
8th Jul '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting speaktruth2powr:</b>" Wait, why can't you file for child support?"</blockquote>




I don't understand this either. And while you do have the option to not let him see her, it's fucked up. And don't forget he does have the option to take you to court for custody and then you do have to hand her over.

Jenny&Boopy TTC since Jul 2014; 2 kids; Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania 7324 posts
8th Jul '13

Edit:



I misread.

Black Cat 1 child; Marvel, PA, United States 3794 posts
8th Jul '13

My son's father hasn't seen him since October of last year. He sees him maybe 3 times a year. My son is almost 5.
He calls him Daddy. Who am I to make that decision for him? He can call him Daddy all he wants. When he is older and can fully grasp the real meaning of a father, he may change his mind and call him something else.



That being said, maybe I am this way because I grew up with an absent father. The older I got, the more I realized my bio dad want really worthy of being called "Dad." If he is spoken of, I refer to him by his name.

California Dreaming ♡ TTC since Jan 2014; 3 kids; The Valley, CA, United States 2760 posts
8th Jul '13

Maybe have her call him Father since you aren't comfortable with Daddy or Dad.

BαtMαɳ Gotham, __, United States 65402 posts
8th Jul '13
Quoting ☆ Erica:" Being a sperm donor isn't enough to earn the title "daddy". With that being said, i'd sit the f****r ... [snip!] ... tell him that this is his one chance. If he's going to be in her life then he needs to stay, if he doesn't plan to then c yaa. "


Yeah but he is making an effort now. That is commendable in and of itself. The effort alone is more than some kids get from their dads.



I get that he hasn't always been there in the past but how long is she going to hold that against him for? :?

Good Queen Bess 2 kids; Ontario 45928 posts
8th Jul '13
Quoting BαtMαɳ:" Yeah but he is making an effort now. That is commendable in and of itself. The effort alone is more ... [snip!] ... their dads. I get that he hasn't always been there in the past but how long is she going to hold that against him for? :?"


Agreed. Maybe he realized he was a shit dad and wanted to get it together before he came back into her life.

☆ Erica 1 child; Flat Rock, Michigan 1439 posts
8th Jul '13
Quoting BαtMαɳ:" Yeah but he is making an effort now. That is commendable in and of itself. The effort alone is more ... [snip!] ... their dads. I get that he hasn't always been there in the past but how long is she going to hold that against him for? :?"


I agree, it's great that he's making an effort. However, I would give it time because it'd suck for the child to get used to him being around and then have him disappear again.