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So, hubby quit his job... Photo Assassin 67 kids; Louisville, Kentucky 1666 posts
10th Jul '13

And I am 10 weeks away from EDD. He was there for a year, and walked out yesterday after an argument with his supervisor.



I am the the primary bread winner, I bring in twice as much as he did bi-weekly. So, the matter isn't so much money. But since he has quit, we will now be short $1400 a month., which we used to save and do things with.



I still make enough to cover our monthly bills, with a little ($300-400) over to save or do things with, so again, not the issue, I just don't know how to deal with the fact that my husband now wants to be a SAHD.



I come from a background where both parents worked, the house was an equal responsibility amongst us all (including the children). And I am not the one who can stay at home (even if financially we could). I go bat crazy, and can only clean house and entertain children (who are 5 and 9) so much.



My question, (and looking for support), are you the bread winner, and your SO is a SAHD? How did you cope? Why did you come to the decision that he will stay with the children and you work. Is it because you wanted to be the worker, or because you made the most money?

_______Nope_________ 23772 posts
10th Jul '13

Well, I am not a breadwinner. My husband works and I stay at home. The way I see it is whether it's a woman or a man doing it, it doesn't really matter. I wouldn't care if I could make as much as he does and he wanted to stay home> Well, I mean, I do enjoy it, but I wouldn't be bothered simply because he's the man.



Our lifes are an equal responsibility. We may have different jobs within that, but we are still equal in our contributions to our lives, you know?

ERMAGHERD BEEDS! 17 kids; Philadelphia, Pennsylvania 4099 posts
10th Jul '13

This is not my situation now as an adult, but my parents did it and it did work well for us as kids, my dad is a nurturer and my mom wasn't. However, she did grow to resent him over time because she felt he could have contributed more financially, and gone out and gotten a job when my sister and I were old enough to care for ourselves (like high school)... So I would just make sure you guys fully discuss the expectations you'd have of each other before deciding to take on those rolls full time

Mandi Bass 1 child; Minnesota 1060 posts
10th Jul '13

We had always planned for SO to be a SAHD and I would work. I just go nuts sitting at home. But LO decided to come really early so it ended up being me at home with SO still working.



Originally we planned for him to be home because I prefer to work. It's just who I am. 12 hours a day 6-7 days a week. I loved my job and made damn good money. He hated his and while he made good money, we could easily have survived on just my income. SO is a homebody. Likes to sit at home and clean/cook and was really excited to take on our LO. Too bad it didn't work out.

Mandi Bass 1 child; Minnesota 1060 posts
10th Jul '13
Quoting ERMAGHERD BEEDS!:" This is not my situation now as an adult, but my parents did it and it did work well for us as kids, ... [snip!] ... make sure you guys fully discuss the expectations you'd have of each other before deciding to take on those rolls full time"



This!!!



I fully intend to go back to work when DS turns 2-3 and it is safe for him to attend daycare.

lolajessup 3 kids; 1 angel baby; Beaverton, Michigan 44070 posts
10th Jul '13

There's a few mamas in here who work and have sahds.



We both work but SO makes less money than I do. I'd love to be a Sahm but I can't until SO gets a better job :(

♥ Mrs. S ♥ Due September 20; 2 kids; Venezuela 13483 posts
10th Jul '13

DH works full-time right now and I am a SAHM & full-time student. We had a long discussion about once I finish school. We've decided that unless DH gets a large pay raise or a much better job then he will be a SAHD until all our kids are in kindergarden while I work. It is just important to us that our kids do not go to daycare if they don't have to.

JΔS Georgia 74367 posts
status 10th Jul '13

Well that was really irresponsible. No two weeks notice and he didn't even discuss it with you. There goes that employer for a reference. Anyway, my husband works and I'm a SAHM. Dad or mom, it's all the same. I stayed home with my daughter because we didn't want her in daycare. Then came #2 and we didn't want him in daycare either. I was only suppose to stay home for a year. After my second turned one, my first's language and communication delays were brought to light so I felt like I needed to stay home with her longer to get her on track.



Now here I am, almost 5 years later and preparing to go back to school and work. I can't stay at home anymore, it's driving me crazy.

L.A.W.IsTheName 2 kids; Ohio 1749 posts
10th Jul '13

i work about 30 hours a week and SO stays at home with the kids.. not by choice though, SO got hurt at work, he was making 12 an hour getting 40 hours a week plus over time.. i was pregnant and couldnt work at the time but we were gonna do alternating shifts.



i dont personally like it because our current situation we are not living together with no way to do sleep overs or time together unless we are out and about... and when i am at home with the kids i am all alone.. so i feel like a single mom who makes out with her babysitter... it sucks...



i wish we could both work because we really struggle...



if you make enough to cover everything you will be fine, just try not to resent him in the long run for it

user banned 2 kids; Hamilton, Ontario 19220 posts
10th Jul '13

Yes I make more than SO....but he is not a SAHD. He wants to be, but Ive made it clear to him that unless he can pay for his share of living expenses he will not be able to stay home.

gorgeouschaos712 2 kids; Hickory, North Carolina 596 posts
10th Jul '13

The only situation I can think of that is even remotely close to this is my sister and her husband. However they both work. My sister works during the day while her husband stays home with the kids who are 8, 5, and 3, and then he works nights. It's stressful on them as they don't get much together time because of the schedule, but it works for them, and they manage to squeeze in time for each other and their family.

♥ Mrs. S ♥ Due September 20; 2 kids; Venezuela 13483 posts
10th Jul '13
Quoting gorgeouschaos712:" The only situation I can think of that is even remotely close to this is my sister and her husband. However ... [snip!] ... time because of the schedule, but it works for them, and they manage to squeeze in time for each other and their family."


DH and I had split schedules like that when we only had one child. He was able to come home by 2:30pm and I would jump in the car and go work until 11pm. It was so hard. We rarely saw each other.

Photo Assassin 67 kids; Louisville, Kentucky 1666 posts
10th Jul '13
Quoting Jas ♥:" Well that was really irresponsible. No two weeks notice and he didn't even discuss it with you. There ... [snip!] ... I am, almost 5 years later and preparing to go back to school and work. I can't stay at home anymore, it's driving me crazy."


I am upset with how he did it. We had talked about it a few weeks ago, that he would go on FMLA leave when I had to go back to work (I am paid 100% up to 6 weeks, then it goes down after), since he would be covered up to 12 weeks. To see if he "could handle it". Taking care of 2 girls who had to get to school in the morning, and of course, the demands of a new born, with out me.



Daycare is $600 a month, so it would have lessened his pay anyways because of it, on top of the additional expenses having a baby include.



So--when he just did it without saying anything to me, other than, "I quit", I was shocked. And I am upset, but feel like, "Well, if the bills are still being taken care of, and now we don't have to worry about childcare, I should be okay with this."



But--I am not. Its an odd feeling. I don't want to end up resenting my husband for feeling like being the sole provider isn't equal compared to him staying at home. I know I shouldn't, moms AND dads can be the home maker, but I feel if you're capable of working, then why don't you?

JΔS Georgia 74367 posts
status 10th Jul '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Photo Assassin *30weeks*:</b>" I am upset with how he did it. We had talked about it a few weeks ago, that he would go on FMLA leave ... [snip!] ... at home. I know I shouldn't, moms AND dads can be the home maker, but I feel if you're capable of working, then why don't you?"</blockquote>



I understand. I'd be super upset too. He can't do things like that without telling you first. I'm a planner so when shit comes out of left field, it stresses me out.

KiKi Dee Due November 15; 1 child; 2 angel babies; Dresden, Tennessee 322 posts
13th Jul '13

I know this is late but I wanted to reply. My DH is a SAHD. I am enlisted in the military. He wanted to get out of the military. So his plan was to stay home with our DD and go to school. The school feel through, but he is an awesome SAHD, minus the cleaning and cooking. We still struggle on that he has gotten better. He enjoys it and I fully support what he wants to do... I just could not justify spending money on child are if he wasn't for sure going to have a good job to bring home more that childcare.. He really enjoys it...