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A is Me 1 child; South Carolina 3782 posts
10th Jul '13

I would never send my child to live with someone else. Never, never, never. You said you and BD had issues with CS? Well, if he's not paying right now then that'd be the first step towards getting more income. Go to a temp agency to find a job even if its only temporary until you get a permanent new one. Apply for emergency benefits. Many churches and non profits offer help to nneedy families, like paying utilities, etc.

Colt's mommy 1 child; Moore, Oklahoma 20544 posts
10th Jul '13

I would definitely consider it. And at the very least, DS would get a good amount of quality time with BD that it seems he's missing out on since you live away from him. I think it would be super hard at first, but you would get used to it.

MahmuhMahmuh 3 kids; Wichita, Kansas 6706 posts
10th Jul '13

I'm in a very similar situation, except my family is here, BD is out of state. He keeps pushing for me to go back to school and says he'd keep the kids while I finished my last year of nursing school.. I can't do it though, I would fall apart without them, so instead I'm moving close to him so he can help get them to and from school and such and they will still live with me. If I were you, I'd suck it up, go home where you can finish school and have his help but not be away from your child.

Just Ames 2 kids; 1 angel baby; Montego Bay, Jamaica 114793 posts
10th Jul '13
Quoting Mommy2Kay:" I'm thinking more about him here. I don't even have money for food at this point. I hate to see him ... [snip!] ... of him as well as his aunts. He would be in good hands, I have lots of family and friends that would make sure he's ok in NY."

I would be really afraid all of those people would get together and make sure you never got him back :(
You're in a tough situation, no doubt.

_______Nope_________ 23772 posts
10th Jul '13
Quoting Just Ames:" Also when thinking of the child's well being the issue of moving him back and forth and the instability ... [snip!] ... That's really hard on a kid. I'm not talking about moving place to place with mom or dad but switching between mom and dad."


It is hard, absolutely. However, separated parents often have kids going back and forth. If he has a good relationship with his Dad, and see's him pretty often, then it IS moving place to place with Dad.



I just think sometimes we vilify the idea of kids living with Dad. Sometimes it can be the better choice, temporarily at least, if Mom is having issues and to give her time to sort through them. Dad is a parent too, and if he's a good parent, the kid will be safe and happy. All those memories that you remember? He could have those with his Dad as well. His Dad is family. This is of course all assuming, again, that he's a good father with no issues like abuse, alcohol, neglect, things like that.

MahmuhMahmuh 3 kids; Wichita, Kansas 6706 posts
10th Jul '13

whoops double post...

_______Nope_________ 23772 posts
10th Jul '13
Quoting Mommy2Kay:" I'm thinking more about him here. I don't even have money for food at this point. I hate to see him ... [snip!] ... of him as well as his aunts. He would be in good hands, I have lots of family and friends that would make sure he's ok in NY."


You seem like you're leaning towards that option. Like you feel him going would be best for everyone, even if it's hard on you. Sometimes things that are best CAN be hard, and that's okay. . .



I can't tell you what to do, other than to say that doing whats best for him doesn't make you a bad mom. So letting him go with his Dad, if it's best for him, doesn't make you bad.

A is Me 1 child; South Carolina 3782 posts
10th Jul '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Mommy2Kay:</b>" I'm thinking more about him here. I don't even have money for food at this point. I hate to see him ... [snip!] ... of him as well as his aunts. He would be in good hands, I have lots of family and friends that would make sure he's ok in NY."</blockquote>




What have you done to try to get help, besides apply for food stamps?

Just Ames 2 kids; 1 angel baby; Montego Bay, Jamaica 114793 posts
10th Jul '13
Quoting she nan igans:" It is hard, absolutely. However, separated parents often have kids going back and forth. If he has a ... [snip!] ... This is of course all assuming, again, that he's a good father with no issues like abuse, alcohol, neglect, things like that."

From what she said his family would assume most responsibility so it doesn't seem like Dad would be the primary caretaker. Don't get me wrong, it's OK to have family help out every now and then but doing as much or more than the parent will not offer the baby any stability or trust towards his father.



But in other circumstances I know what you're saying and I can agree for anyone else to do it, but as I said before I'd go to desperate measures to have my children with me. It's just the way I was raised.

Mommy2Kay 1 child; Florida 4211 posts
10th Jul '13
Quoting Colt's mommy:" I would definitely consider it. And at the very least, DS would get a good amount of quality time with ... [snip!] ... seems he's missing out on since you live away from him. I think it would be super hard at first, but you would get used to it. "


That another of the pros of him moving. I know he misses his dad, this might be a great chance for them the build a stronger bond.

JΔS Georgia 70886 posts
10th Jul '13

I think you should do what you feel is best for your child. If I were in your shoes, I'd probably seriously consider it. I'd have no issues with my kid's father taking care of them until I could get my shit together. If thats my last resort, that's that. Education is a huge deal for me so putting that on the back burner, unless I had no choice, wouldn't be an option for me. My education is my key that will open doors for not only myself but my kiddos as well.

_______Nope_________ 23772 posts
10th Jul '13
Quoting Just Ames:" From what she said his family would assume most responsibility so it doesn't seem like Dad would be the ... [snip!] ... else to do it, but as I said before I'd go to desperate measures to have my children with me. It's just the way I was raised."


Yeah, I can undestand that. I can't imagine not having my kids with me.



I guess I grew up going between my Mom and my Dad. No for long periods of time. I lived with my Mom and spent every weekend with my Dad. I have great memories in BOTH places. I lived with my Dad for about 6 months or so when I was in high school because of some personal problems I was having that my mom felt like she couldn't handle or help me with, so they decided I'd live with him so see if it helped.



I know it was hard for her, but it was the best place for me at that time. I think it was her being an amazing mother to let me go live somewhere else to try and help me, you know? I guess I just don't think that holding onto your kids when it hurts them makes people a better mom.



Lower teen mom alert, lol. I'll always remember when Butch (the tylers dad, the couple who gave up their kid for adoption) said that basically he'd keep his kids even if they all had to live under a bridge together, and Tyler said he wanted more for his child then that. I agree with that! I think sometimes we have to be the bigger people and give our kids the best life we can, and if that isn't with us, sometimes that's okay. . .



Not that I deny it's hard, of course. But yes, there are other issues at play here it seems. Thought saying that gma will help doesn't mean he won't take care of the kid. Maybe that means she'll watch the child while he's at work? I don't know all the details.

Mommy2Kay 1 child; Florida 4211 posts
10th Jul '13
Quoting A is Me:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Mommy2Kay:</b>" I'm thinking more about him here. I don't even ... [snip!] ... would make sure he's ok in NY."</blockquote> What have you done to try to get help, besides apply for food stamps?"


I have to wait until Sunday to claim unemployment and I have been applying for work. I just go laid off on Monday. It's possible that I could get a job before school starts here and have DS back by the end of the summer.

Summerfrost 51 kids; Massachusetts 5662 posts
status 10th Jul '13

I know all moms want their kids with them,etc , but this doesn't sound like it's a case of OP not wanting her son with her at all. I mean there are 2 parents and if BD loves his son and takes care of him, i personally don't see what the big deal is. It's not like OP's not going to see him. It just means he'd be sleeping somewhere else. My niece grew up at her dad's house and the mom got visitation on the weekends. That doesn't mean the mom wasn't a good mom or that the dad was an exceptionally good dad. It means that the dad had a better school system in his city, so she lived with him. They both loved my niece.

☮Sugar Magnolia 1 child; Indiana 18293 posts
10th Jul '13

If you don't have money for the child's necessities, and have no family willing to take you both, you're doing the right thing. If your BD is a good dad and he'll let you continue to be a big part of your child's life then it seems to be what's best.




But, I'd never do it unless i was in the same state as my child.




Regardless, it's very selfless of you.