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single with a bf lilylong Japan 2 posts
11th Jul '13

Please do not quote




Im a single mum with 3 kids of the same dad.. few months ago I just into a relationship with my bf. He is in love with me and wants to marry me.



but I have this problem..he said he dont mind my 3 child.. they are under 4 .. the longest interaction was a holiday for 5 days overseas. He took very good care of them. Can feel from the heart that he make the effort to.



He admitted to me before when I confronted him that he force himself to accept them as he knows without them I wont be with him. He said that after the holiday he thinks differently and really love to spend time with them.



most of the time when we go on date I only brought one of my toddler. He took care of her very well and is very intiative. Today I brought all the kids out with him. He didnt even make the effort to really understand and interact with them.. he said he is not very good with kids and felt that they didnt really like him



but the thing is he didnt take the intiative to interact.. whilst my other guy friend fit in with the kids very well. Now im confused about this relationship.. should I marry him. Or just drop this. Im very much in love with him and hes refusing to let me go. He respects my decision of not pre martial marridge tho.. that makes me value him more



he said that he doesnt mind being their dad and he does like them. But as the youngest of the family with no younger cousins etc. He has totally no idea of how to interact wirh them.. he doesnt even know what to do sometimes.and he doesnt have experience with kids... what should I so im torn

tooodles 240 kids; Thailand 5075 posts
11th Jul '13

A few months ago... is how long exactly? If its a relatively new relationship I would give it time and not even be discussing marriage until you truely see he can accept you and your kids. You and the kids are a package deal.

user banned 1 child; :), :), United States 5380 posts
11th Jul '13

Don't marry someone that doesn't want your kids along for the ride.

user banned 21 kids; North Dakota 3800 posts
11th Jul '13

You do not consider marrying someone who is not 100% comfortable with your kids. They come first, getting married isn't going to make things better.

lilylong Japan 2 posts
11th Jul '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting :*:CHRiSTiNe:*::</b>" A few months ago... is how long exactly? If its a relatively new relationship I would give it time and ... [snip!] ... and not even be discussing marriage until you truely see he can accept you and your kids. You and the kids are a package deal."</blockquote>



About 5months.. but I know exactly hes the one for me.. I believe in my judgement.. he can accept but hes a very shy guy. So im not sure is it because he has yet to warm up or what.. at the overseas trip he was shy intially and only till the 2nd day onwards he really interact with them bit by bit.. he told me he do miss them sometimes as he rarely see them

K and N TTC since Nov 2012; 2 kids; Denver City, Texas 1890 posts
11th Jul '13
Quoting :*:CHRiSTiNe:*::" A few months ago... is how long exactly? If its a relatively new relationship I would give it time and ... [snip!] ... and not even be discussing marriage until you truely see he can accept you and your kids. You and the kids are a package deal."


THIS

Boobo&bugs Due September 24; 1 child; Simpsonville, South Carolina 5609 posts
11th Jul '13

Give him some time to adjust. Children are scary. We get 9 months to freak out over wether or not we're ready for our babies to come into the world. He didn't have that he just had children thrust at him with no preparation. I would also give it some more time before I discussed marriage with him. Don't marry someone just to e married. And if you're thinking you might want to just give up now then now is my the time to be discussin these things with someone. Don't marry someone unless you know for sure that you want to be tied to that person forever.

Nomo 4 kids; Mueang Phuket, Thailand 30487 posts
11th Jul '13

I wouldn't marry him that's for sure

Just Ames 2 kids; 1 angel baby; Montego Bay, Jamaica 114793 posts
11th Jul '13

He isn't there to be their Dad but he is there to play a roll such as that in terms of connecting with them on the same level and it sounds like he is the one with doubts. Not having kids or being around them doesn't mean you cannot get on their level and interact with them. I know it's a lot to take in but he's hardly showing the initiative.



And you considering marriage after only 5 months with all that ^ ^ happening is a joke. You are a mother of three children and you should really act like it when taking things like this in consideration.

Garfield636 TTC since Apr 2013; 16 kids; Utica, Michigan 599 posts
11th Jul '13

Why do you have to rush getting married? I say give it a lot of time, let them bond together. It's not an easy thing, especially that your BF has to learn to be a father of 3. Try to be understanding. Good luck to you and your family.

user banned 1 child; Germany 12377 posts
11th Jul '13

It's going to take longer for him to love, accept, and fit into their lives. When you had the kids you instantly loved them, but he needs to learn to love them because they aren't his kids. I personally would not be considering marriage until he was around more and you knew it would be right... I don't care how much I love someone, if they can't love my kids we can't be together. My step-dad hated me growing up, and it really hurt because as a kid I didn't understand why a "father figure" wouldn't automatically love me.



I don't know why you're rushing into things. Also you need to talk to him about the role he wants to play in their lives. For example, I had a dad and a step-dad... My little sisters had a dad and my mom's bf who does not parent them at all.

I Stab People 3 kids; Zambia 6604 posts
13th Jul '13

id say give it ALOT more time. my SO didnt even meet my kids till 6 months into the relationship.

and like others said, hes not to be their dad.