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penispenispenisVAGINA 4 kids; Idaho 7116 posts
11th Jul '13

I see you are a caring parent and are looking out for the best interest of your child. The whole bed wetting and being angry and agitated is NOT normal at her age. If it stops while she is at your house and starts while either at her dads or as she gets back to your house then obviously something is going on over there that she can't handle. I would see about maybe getting her into seeing a counselor and having someone "safe" she can open up to and get to the root of the problem and go from there.

. , Richmond, VA, United States 75038 posts
11th Jul '13
Quoting ~Jekka~:" I know he's going to spend more time with them. Which is sad for my daughter. But I get that. It's more ... [snip!] ... all the same? Were you ever sent back to your mums house early so your dad could spend more time with your step siblings?"

There's nothing okay about that. :? You're definitely not being unreasonable.

user banned TTC since Apr 2014; 2 kids; Middelfart, Denmark 15320 posts
11th Jul '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting ~Jekka~:</b>" I know he's going to spend more time with them. Which is sad for my daughter. But I get that. It's more ... [snip!] ... all the same? Were you ever sent back to your mums house early so your dad could spend more time with your step siblings?"</blockquote>



We were all treated equally. It wouldn't be fair to me if my step mom favored her kids over me or my dad favored me over her kids. There were times my brother had baseball or my sister had basketball and it would last past my time so is have to get picked up early, or if my dad needed to work, etc.

~Jekka~ Due May 23; TTC since Oct 2012; 2 kids; Australia 8913 posts
11th Jul '13
Quoting Red Bottom:" <blockquote><b>Quoting ~Jekka~:</b>" I know he's going to spend more time with them. ... [snip!] ... or my sister had basketball and it would last past my time so is have to get picked up early, or if my dad needed to work, etc."


But what I don't get is, his fiance could have taken her son to his game (Or even his bio dad could have taken him), and my ex could have taken his daughter to her game. Instead, she decided to use that morning to take the other child on a play date. I just don't get it I guess.

P3RvYmCp3rv 2 kids; Carlyle, Illinois 11904 posts
11th Jul '13
Quoting Red Bottom:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Mama Van D:</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting Red Bottom:</b>" ... [snip!] ... spend the weekend without him, or he went hunting, etc. but looking back that was time I got to spend with my family anyways."

At the same time though at 7 she can tell you if she wants to stay at so and s's hosue. Maybe she just needs a little break from being there at night.

user banned TTC since Apr 2014; 2 kids; Middelfart, Denmark 15320 posts
11th Jul '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting ~Jekka~:</b>" But what I don't get is, his fiance could have taken her son to his game (Or even his bio dad could ... [snip!] ... to her game. Instead, she decided to use that morning to take the other child on a play date. I just don't get it I guess."</blockquote>




You can analyze what you would've done a hundred times, but until you ask why, there's not much you can say.

user banned TTC since Apr 2014; 2 kids; Middelfart, Denmark 15320 posts
11th Jul '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting P3RvYmCp3rv:</b>" At the same time though at 7 she can tell you if she wants to stay at so and s's hosue. Maybe she just needs a little break from being there at night. "</blockquote>




Every girl needs her dad and her relationship with her dad will have a huge effect on her future. Maybe working together and communicating more would be better than eliminating time with him.

~Jekka~ Due May 23; TTC since Oct 2012; 2 kids; Australia 8913 posts
11th Jul '13

She went on a girl guides camp a few weeks ago. With a group of girls she barely knew, for 2 nights, at a place she had never been to before. Her first time staying away from any type of family. She was more comfortable and happy when I dropped her off and picked her up there, than when I drop her at her dads place. So I don't know what the go is. I know he's a great dad, so nothing bad or suss is happening at his place. She just doesn't want to stay the night there.

P3RvYmCp3rv 2 kids; Carlyle, Illinois 11904 posts
11th Jul '13
Quoting Red Bottom:" <blockquote><b>Quoting P3RvYmCp3rv:</b>" At the same time though at 7 she can tell ... [snip!] ... have a huge effect on her future. Maybe working together and communicating more would be better than eliminating time with him."

What time does he get while she sleeps? They could arrange close to bed time drop off/pick up and early morning pick up/drop off. She might find it is more of a hassle than just staying at dad's.

user banned TTC since Apr 2014; 2 kids; Middelfart, Denmark 15320 posts
11th Jul '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting ~Jekka~:</b>" She went on a girl guides camp a few weeks ago. With a group of girls she barely knew, for 2 nights, ... [snip!] ... is. I know he's a great dad, so nothing bad or suss is happening at his place. She just doesn't want to stay the night there."</blockquote>




Could be normal girl stuff. It could also be her adjusting to being the only child then having to share attention and things. I fought with my step siblings like cats and dogs. Now were best friends.

user banned TTC since Apr 2014; 2 kids; Middelfart, Denmark 15320 posts
11th Jul '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting P3RvYmCp3rv:</b>" What time does he get while she sleeps? They could arrange close to bed time drop off/pick up and early morning pick up/drop off. She might find it is more of a hassle than just staying at dad's. "</blockquote>




In the same breath, if the sleeping part is insignificant, why remove it? Shipping her back and forth every day for a weekend would be absurd.

~Jekka~ Due May 23; TTC since Oct 2012; 2 kids; Australia 8913 posts
12th Jul '13
Quoting Red Bottom:" <blockquote><b>Quoting P3RvYmCp3rv:</b>" At the same time though at 7 she can tell ... [snip!] ... have a huge effect on her future. Maybe working together and communicating more would be better than eliminating time with him."


I've tried talking to him about it. On 3 separate occasions I have bought it up with him. He's told me "We don't have the money to afford a new bed/carseat/child support" yet they just went out and bought a brand new expensive car, an expensive engagement ring, trips to the circus (which they never invited our daughter to) other random holidays. I just don't get it. When I bought up with him about not going to our daughters dance classes, or sports. That is when he said he would start going on the weekends they don't have the other kids. As those weekends he does karate not far from the sports ground. So he is out there anyway. He could come half hour earlier to karate and watch her. But not once has he done that. I've tried talking to him about it. But all I get is excuses that just don't make any sense to me.

P3RvYmCp3rv 2 kids; Carlyle, Illinois 11904 posts
12th Jul '13
Quoting Red Bottom:" <blockquote><b>Quoting P3RvYmCp3rv:</b>" What time does he get while she sleeps? They ... [snip!] ... if the sleeping part is insignificant, why remove it? Shipping her back and forth every day for a weekend would be absurd."

Because if she is well rested from sleeping at her own home she might be happier? Idk I have to ship my kids back and forth every other weekend both days of the weekend. Well I should say I'm supposed to drop them off and pick them up while their dad does nothing. so ehhh.

user banned TTC since Apr 2014; 2 kids; Middelfart, Denmark 15320 posts
12th Jul '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting ~Jekka~:</b>" I've tried talking to him about it. On 3 separate occasions I have bought it up with him. He's told ... [snip!] ... not once has he done that. I've tried talking to him about it. But all I get is excuses that just don't make any sense to me."</blockquote>



As for the booster seat, that needs to change and should.



But as for what he does when they have no kids, that's really not your business. I know it sucks, but don't make it an issue. My sons father has missed baseball games for social events, and so have I when its the others weekend. We're still human adults even though we're parents and of they get a weekend off without kids, don't give them such a hard time for going to karaoke or what not.



When my sons father couldn't make it, I just told my son his dad missed him a whole lot and wished he could be there.

~Jekka~ Due May 23; TTC since Oct 2012; 2 kids; Australia 8913 posts
12th Jul '13
Quoting Red Bottom:" <blockquote><b>Quoting ~Jekka~:</b>" She went on a girl guides camp a few weeks ago. ... [snip!] ... only child then having to share attention and things. I fought with my step siblings like cats and dogs. Now were best friends."


We have another child here. So she isn't an only child here either. lol, I'm not trying to argue or anything.... I just really want to understand.
You're right that it might mess her up more not having sleep overs. I don't know. But at the moment I guess I just want to try it. If that's what she wants. But I don't want to ruin things with her dad.... I don't want her relationship with him to get ruined. He is her dad, and I want her to always have a good relationship with him, and her step mum and siblings. I just think, maybe if I don't put her in the situation of having to know he has chosen the other kids over her, then maybe she wont have the chance to get upset about it? Avoiding sleepovers might mean we avoid the disappointment of her thinking she gets to spend a night with them all, only to have to be palmed off to someone else.