Advice badly needed round3 3 kids; Ontario 214 posts
14th Jul '13

I have a friend asking me for advice and I don't know how to help. Her husband apparently shakes, shoves and yells and their children. He has done similar things to her as well. He justifies it by saying that she was the one who wanted the children so he shouldn't have to look after them anyways and they shouldn't bug him or refuse to listen to him or he is aloud to do these things as way of teaching them. What. The. f**k. She literally has no family or other friends besides me to turn to... what is the best thing I could do/suggest to help? Is this man capable of changing, as she seems to think he is?

Yurvette [♥] 2 kids; 1 angel baby; Hyrule Castle, LZ, San Marino 36540 posts
14th Jul '13

No. I would tell her to leave. I would be afraid that he would hurt those kids by shaking them.

. , Richmond, VA, United States 74916 posts
14th Jul '13

She should call the cops and leave him.

He might be able to change but he's not going to if she stays. He needs anger management and parenting classes before she should even consider getting back together with him.

Mandi Bass 1 child; Minnesota 1061 posts
14th Jul '13
Quoting Yurvette [♥]:" No. I would tell her to leave. I would be afraid that he would hurt those kids by shaking them. "


She needs to leave immediately. Once she's gone, then maybe she could try to convince him to try some type of therapy, but it's doubtful that he will change.
If the children aren't removed from the situation then CPS could become involved and take them from her, not to mention the fact that they shouldn't have to live where someone is abusing them.

Boobo&bugs Due September 24; 1 child; Simpsonville, South Carolina 7584 posts
status 14th Jul '13

Absolutely nothing a child can do deserves that kind of an outburst from any adult! She needs to get out of there. That is mentally and emotionally damaging to her children. And they will hol it against her that she never helped them when they're older.

White Chocolate Milk 1 child; Chelsea, Alabama 12303 posts
14th Jul '13

She needs to leave now! If he wants to make changes then he can do it when they are out of the house and away from him. I wouldn't count on him changing though. If you can, let her stay with you. If not see if there are any shelters in your area you could help her get to.

Nichelle Collins Due December 31 (boy); 2 kids; California 812 posts
14th Jul '13

No he wont ever change. And she needa to get her kids and herself away from him asap befor things get worse..... speaking from experiance i thought my ex would change he never did he beat the crap out of me and put me in the hospital amd child protective services took my daughter away saying i willingly put her in danger because i stayed with him so long even though she didnt get hurt she could have and she watch me get ny ass beat multiple times

Nicola. 2 kids; Huntsville, AL, United States 7964 posts
14th Jul '13

I wouldn't care if he could change. It isn't worth the risk in the meantime. She should be gone already. He is obviously a ticking time bomb.

round3 3 kids; Ontario 214 posts
14th Jul '13

she is worried that because she has no proof of anything hes done that he will automatically get partial custody therefor having the kids in his care alone sometimes, which is obviously not safe with his temper... how would she prove it and what would his rights be?

Boobo&bugs Due September 24; 1 child; Simpsonville, South Carolina 7584 posts
status 15th Jul '13

She needs to contact a lawyer. And documented proof. Pictures that are dated and time stamped. Non-family witnesses, and police reports.

FroggysMommy 1 child; Golden, Colorado 27201 posts
15th Jul '13

She needs to leave... those kids deserve a safe home. She deserves to be safe, but foremost, the kids do. That guy is a p***e o* s**t and is going to hurt the kids badly with access and when he snaps it's going to be bad.