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this is putting a strain on my marriage, please help. A+E VBAC mama! 2 kids; Gaylord, Minnesota 12223 posts
15th Jul

My DD1 will be 4 end of sept.
Even before her sister was born she's been hard to put to bed. And slowly getting worse.



She will stay in her room and play with nothing. If dad is home from work she will stand at the gate and scream, cry for water, more books, she has an owie,she will poop her pants(this happens during the day too, she has been pee trained for almost a year, still struggeling on this part),play in the bathroom, or just scream at the top of her lungs.



Yes we do a routine every night, does nothing for her. She doesn't have a light in her room anymore, no toys,she has a book, a flashlight, access to the bathroom.



We have ignored her, we have tried sitting in her room, DH has spanked her, we have bribed her...



DH and I fight most about bedtime. :(



Please help with bedtime, her pooping her pants, tell me I'm not alone, anything !

The Time Police 2 kids; Cold Lake, AB, Canada 33400 posts
15th Jul

Where does the new baby sleep? Maybe offer her to come join you in your room... for a camp out... My son is 4 and slightly hard to put to bed, I usually cuddle him to sleep or else it's a no go. It has been that way since I had my daughter.

user banned 2 kids; Hamilton, Ontario 19220 posts
15th Jul

What time does she go to bed? When does she finally fall asleep?



I cant help with the poop, havent delt with that.



does it really matter what she does? Why not just put her to bed, close the door and be done with it?



I believe in spanking, but thats a horrible way to spank. I would never want my kids going to bed with a spanking.

K and N TTC since Nov 2012; 2 kids; Denver City, Texas 1890 posts
15th Jul

You're not alone, and if/ when you figure it out, please let me know... cause dsd is 7 almost 8 and she exhibits some of the same behaviors that you just mentioned always at bed time.

A+E VBAC mama! 2 kids; Gaylord, Minnesota 12223 posts
15th Jul

Forgot to add. It takes her 3-5hours to go to sleep. And I can tell she's not getting enough sleep, she is always crabby and tired during the day. She doesn't nap either.

The Time Police 2 kids; Cold Lake, AB, Canada 33400 posts
15th Jul
Quoting A Beautiful Disaster:" What time does she go to bed? When does she finally fall asleep? I cant help with the poop, havent delt ... [snip!] ... with it? I believe in spanking, but thats a horrible way to spank. I would never want my kids going to bed with a spanking. "


I agree... I don't think it should matter, unless she has to go to school in the morning. Going to sleep will always be a fight so long as you make it a negative experience, in my opinion.

Im watching you 3 kids; 1 angel baby; Adelaide, Australia 4985 posts
15th Jul

have you tried lying down with her , it can be a pain in the butt , but that's what I have to do with my 5 year old



or I will just lie in her room with the radio on and she will fall asleep



goodluck

user banned 2 kids; Hamilton, Ontario 19220 posts
15th Jul
Quoting Kayla [:)]♥:" I agree... I don't think it should matter, unless she has to go to school in the morning. Going to sleep will always be a fight so long as you make it a negative experience, in my opinion."


this is exactly what is sticking out to me.



kids will do anything to get your attention, even if its negative, and I think OP is feeding right into it.

The Time Police 2 kids; Cold Lake, AB, Canada 33400 posts
15th Jul
Quoting A Beautiful Disaster:" this is exactly what is sticking out to me. kids will do anything to get your attention, even if its negative, and I think OP is feeding right into it. "

Definitely agree.

Onalee's Mummy Due August 26; 1 child; Newcastle, Australia 5355 posts
15th Jul

Concentrate on one issue at a time. I would start with popping her pants personally and just do what you used to do to get her to bed.



What is her diet like? I think a healthy diet and cutting out certain things did wonders for my daughters behaviour.



I never had an issue with toilet training (dd will be 4 at the end of sep and was toilet trained by 27 months old). But the sleeping we are only just getting a hang of. We have a definite routine (not timed just dinner bath dessert story bedtime ). I will sit on her bed and stroke her back and I tell her only two minutes then I will go out. She has a lamp on and will cuddle a toy of her choice. This works for us, sometimes she will ask me to stay with her a bit longer and I will if she has asked nicely. Asking for me to stay longer is becoming further and further apart.



When we started I would tell her I would hide a suprise in her room for the morning if she was good. I would hide maybe a pack of stickers or a photo of her and her dog and she would be so excited. We then moved to at the end of the week. An then if she was good all week she would get $5 pocketing and she could save for a toy she wanted ( and now she doesn't bug me to buy her things at the shops she will ask how many weeks she needs to save for).



Some weeks she will be a little extra emotional do we don't push the sleeping and are easy on her. It's just reading her moods because she has sad days as well.



We use time out when she is naughty. You need to be consistent with the punishment type you use for it to have effect.



I hope some of this helps. I was pulling my hair out when I couldn't get her to go to sleep and that's what me and SO would always fight about as well.



The happier she is the easier she will fall asleep

A+E VBAC mama! 2 kids; Gaylord, Minnesota 12223 posts
15th Jul

It does matter because she goes to daycare. We both work.



She has never co-slept. She even refuses to lay in bed with us. Its hard on her even sharing a hotel room with us.



Baby sleeps in our room in a crib. She doesn't seem to care about where she sleeps.



I agree it didn't make me happy he did that.



We finish teeth,pj's, and story about 7( this is earlier than before) and she's up till 10-1130. Tonight I did it early.
We wake her up at 630.

The Time Police 2 kids; Cold Lake, AB, Canada 33400 posts
15th Jul
Quoting Ah TAM:" It does matter because she goes to daycare. We both work. She has never co-slept. She even refuses to ... [snip!] ... and story about 7( this is earlier than before) and she's up till 10-1130. Tonight I did it early. We wake her up at 630."


Why not try putting her to sleep at 10-11? And then waking her up at 6:30, since you've said she goes to daycare. Sit in her room with her, ask her about her day. Tell her she looks very tired, give her a kiss, tuck her in, and then leave with the lights off.

Onalee's Mummy Due August 26; 1 child; Newcastle, Australia 5355 posts
15th Jul

<blockquote><b>Quoting Ah TAM:</b>" It does matter because she goes to daycare. We both work. She has never co-slept. She even refuses to ... [snip!] ... and story about 7( this is earlier than before) and she's up till 10-1130. Tonight I did it early. We wake her up at 630."</blockquote>




You might just have to spend a few weeks tired and get the actual routine itself down before setting it to a time. She also wouldn't have the concept of its seven so its bedtime. Is there a tv show she likes that she can watch while eating dessert then she knows when it's over she brushes her teeth and goes to bed

A+E VBAC mama! 2 kids; Gaylord, Minnesota 12223 posts
15th Jul

<blockquote><b>Quoting Onalee's Mummy:</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting Ah TAM:</b>" It does matter because she goes to daycare. We ... [snip!] ... a tv show she likes that she can watch while eating dessert then she knows when it's over she brushes her teeth and goes to bed"</blockquote>




We do that. We watch wheel of fortune than bed. We have done the routine for over a year which discourages me about routines.

A+E VBAC mama! 2 kids; Gaylord, Minnesota 12223 posts
15th Jul

<blockquote><b>Quoting Kayla [:)]♥:</b>" Why not try putting her to sleep at 10-11? And then waking her up at 6:30, since you've said she goes ... [snip!] ... her, ask her about her day. Tell her she looks very tired, give her a kiss, tuck her in, and then leave with the lights off."</blockquote>




Because she is already tired and not listening by 5. Her sister is asleep by 9, she should be too.



I might try the rubbing the back thing. Tonight I had DH sneak in so she wouldn't hear him and I think she's asleep, but I also asked daycare for her not to have "cot time" so went to the gym instead. Hopefully those 2 changes might help.