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**Blessed_Insanity** 7 kids; Wyoming 18600 posts
24th Jul '13
Quoting TheCoopersKnitWitch:" He also didn't always have this job. He used to have a normal 9-5 job without school and he still didn't ... [snip!] ... to do for work. And it's like COME ONE! Take a break, and if you can't take a break help us please!? does that make sense?"


Yeah it seems to me like he is always putting his desires and work first, and his family second. Which I get as the sole provider of your family, work often times DOES have to come first in order to put your family first. But there comes a time when enough is enough and you have to focus on the needs of your spouse as well.

......................... Oregon 14226 posts
24th Jul '13

Here's some other things too.



I understand he needs his space, his down time. But like I mentioned if he has ANY down time he's back upstairs on his computer doing work for his office.



It's gotten so bad we have to "make a date" time where I have to call him downstairs to even sit down and watch a movie with me.



And the fact that it's gotten that bad makes me cry.

......................... Oregon 14226 posts
24th Jul '13
Quoting Pregnancy Addiction:" Yeah it seems to me like he is always putting his desires and work first, and his family second. Which ... [snip!] ... put your family first. But there comes a time when enough is enough and you have to focus on the needs of your spouse as well. "


And we talk about that a lot, and he always says, "It will get better, we'll set a time we'll do something together." and I hate that I have to schedule a date for him AWAY from his computer.



It's not fair.

......................... Oregon 14226 posts
24th Jul '13
Quoting Just Ames:" Ohhhhhh so he's salary with possible commission. That's why salary sucks. There is a fine line of job description vs getting taken advantage of."


It's ok I wasn't upset. It's just frustrating for me today. I want so much to help him. But right now I'm living on pain medication just to get by to take care of the kids until my back can get taken care of. And at a time right now that's so important it would be nice for him to tell his boss to pack sand a few days a week so he can help out more than what he does.



Right now honestly, I do take care of everything. I do occasionally farm out a few jobs. Like refiling the kids health insurance, he's the sole provider he's supposed to be doing it, help managing my medical bills, etc...but other wise I just try to do as much here as I can. Right now I'm doing laundry, getting lunch and kids fed and trying to mow the lawn so the kids don't get stung by bees. It's just so much. And I have like 50 diapers I need to make.



I also HAVE to work this WAHM business. It only brings in roughly 200 a month, but that's more than we had before. and with his boss not paying those extra hours, we need all the cash we can get.

**Blessed_Insanity** 7 kids; Wyoming 18600 posts
24th Jul '13

Not sure if you are religious or not, but this talk was given at a general conference talk and I think its sort of fitting for what you are going through.



"Some of our most important choices concern family activities. Many breadwinners worry that their occupations leave too little time for their families. There is no easy formula for that contest of priorities. However, I have never known of a man who looked back on his working life and said,

......................... Oregon 14226 posts
24th Jul '13
Quoting Just Ames:" People lose that connection all of the time. A marriage is hard to maintain and it's constant work. You ... [snip!] ... You seem to be in the land of resentment and it's hard to get back from that place. But like someone else said, do you want to?"


I am stuck here. We don't believe in divorce, so getting back to the way it used to be is the goal. But it requires work on both sides, and all I see him is working very hard for not enough pay to feed his family. So I see myself doing about 90% of the work physically while he's bringing in the money for ME to maintain it all. and that's hard for me.

......................... Oregon 14226 posts
24th Jul '13
Quoting Pregnancy Addiction:" Not sure if you are religious or not, but this talk was given at a general conference talk and I think ... [snip!] ... most serious of all responsibilities, for the consequences of your leadership in your home will be eternal and everlasting.
**Blessed_Insanity** 7 kids; Wyoming 18600 posts
24th Jul '13
Quoting TheCoopersKnitWitch:" We are very religious which is why it's that much harder for me. He's Quaker, I'm really just a Christian. ... [snip!] ... can be done, even if he's setting the timer for computer work vs home family work. And he does it occasionally but not often."


I never mentioned you getting a divorce though?

......................... Oregon 14226 posts
24th Jul '13
Quoting Pregnancy Addiction:" I never mentioned you getting a divorce though? "


No but it's something that we've always been open and honest about for us.



Divorce is never on the table for us. When we have problems working things out is the option. Nothing else.



I believe to many people jump to divorce to quickly when relationships have problems.

......................... Oregon 14226 posts
24th Jul '13

So I'm in tears right now.



I asked my husband to take out the trash on his way to work today. He took it out.



But didn't put it in the trash can. He put it inside the gate, and the dog got into it and spread it through out the yard. I just found it.



He does this too. Says he does things but lies about how he does it.

**Blessed_Insanity** 7 kids; Wyoming 18600 posts
24th Jul '13
Quoting TheCoopersKnitWitch:" No but it's something that we've always been open and honest about for us. Divorce is never on the ... [snip!] ... things out is the option. Nothing else. I believe to many people jump to divorce to quickly when relationships have problems."



While I agree with you, I dont understand why you are saying it since I never even mentioned it as an option lol.



As far as talking it out, I think that you need to do it more, because from the look and sound of things, it seems as though its not getting through to him. Maybe you need to be more assertive and forceful when you make your stance on how you want this marriage to be?

Jenny&Boopy 2 kids; Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania 7294 posts
status 24th Jul '13

I'm sorry :(. SO is a horrible procrastinator. I've been asking him for two months to buy sme caulking so either he or I can fix the gap between the tub and the the wall. He'll say he wants to do something or has to then puts it off as long as possible. He wanted to rearrange the living room a few months ago but never did. So one day I just got fed up and did it myself. He came home and was mad that I moved everything alone but I told him hey, you didn't do it so I took care of it. Now he's getting a little better because he knows if I can do it myself I will without waiting for him.

......................... Oregon 14226 posts
24th Jul '13
Quoting Pregnancy Addiction:" While I agree with you, I dont understand why you are saying it since I never even mentioned it as ... [snip!] ... through to him. Maybe you need to be more assertive and forceful when you make your stance on how you want this marriage to be?"


It's probably because it's something his mom says to us all the time. so people always think we're getting a divorce. and it's like why do people need to jump to that?



My MIL always says we're going to get a divorce. I don't know why. So we are always just open and honest about it. It's not an option and it's something I think a lot of people jump to. Oh they're having problems, they must be getting a divorce.



I've personally been divorced once before. My first husband left us and refused to work on things.

......................... Oregon 14226 posts
24th Jul '13
Quoting
**Blessed_Insanity** 7 kids; Wyoming 18600 posts
24th Jul '13
Quoting TheCoopersKnitWitch:" I think mine sees it as, "Oh she'll just do it for me so why bother?""



But if he doesnt like you doing those things, why would he think like that? thats really odd lol