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......................... Oregon 14226 posts
24th Jul
Quoting Pregnancy Addiction:" THIS would piss me off, yes, why is he working those extra hours without getting paid...is that even legal?"


Apparently DH says it is because of his contract. He gets paid salary and isn't entitled to overtime as long as he clocks in his between 40 and 50 hours a week.



Occasionally he may get a bonus, but it's not often and it's usually only like 100 dollars extra a month. If that. Maybe 2

......................... Oregon 14226 posts
24th Jul
Quoting Pregnancy Addiction:" I am assuming you have talked to him about this, and if so, honestly I would just start doing the stuff ... [snip!] ... him seeing you do it will convince him to start doing it when he says he will if he really doesnt like you doingthose things. "


I have tried to take over. That's the other really hard part. He gets REALLY upset if I do it all. How can you get upset if I'm trying to help you?

......................... Oregon 14226 posts
24th Jul
Quoting Pregnancy Addiction:" I really agree with this. When he does get a minute to just sit and do nothing, I am sure that is all ... [snip!] ... just let the expectations go for now and just be content with him being a good father and husband who doesnt finish his tasks. "


He also didn't always have this job. He used to have a normal 9-5 job without school and he still didn't do anything. And it's just frustrating for me. I don't know how to get him to do anything without being mean, and that really hurts me.



There's some things I just can't do. And I understand he wants to sit down and take a break. But honestly he doesn't.



If he has any down time, he finds something to do for work. And it's like COME ONE! Take a break, and if you can't take a break help us please!?



does that make sense?

Pregnancy Addiction Due August 10; TTC since Mar 2013; 7 kids; Wyoming 12151 posts
24th Jul
Quoting TheCoopersKnitWitch:" He also didn't always have this job. He used to have a normal 9-5 job without school and he still didn't ... [snip!] ... to do for work. And it's like COME ONE! Take a break, and if you can't take a break help us please!? does that make sense?"


Yeah it seems to me like he is always putting his desires and work first, and his family second. Which I get as the sole provider of your family, work often times DOES have to come first in order to put your family first. But there comes a time when enough is enough and you have to focus on the needs of your spouse as well.

......................... Oregon 14226 posts
24th Jul

Here's some other things too.



I understand he needs his space, his down time. But like I mentioned if he has ANY down time he's back upstairs on his computer doing work for his office.



It's gotten so bad we have to "make a date" time where I have to call him downstairs to even sit down and watch a movie with me.



And the fact that it's gotten that bad makes me cry.

......................... Oregon 14226 posts
24th Jul
Quoting Pregnancy Addiction:" Yeah it seems to me like he is always putting his desires and work first, and his family second. Which ... [snip!] ... put your family first. But there comes a time when enough is enough and you have to focus on the needs of your spouse as well. "


And we talk about that a lot, and he always says, "It will get better, we'll set a time we'll do something together." and I hate that I have to schedule a date for him AWAY from his computer.



It's not fair.

Just Ames 2 kids; 1 angel baby; Montego Bay, Jamaica 114793 posts
24th Jul
Quoting TheCoopersKnitWitch:" But I just told you. The extra hours he works he DOESNT GET PAID FOR IT. How can I change the oil ... [snip!] ... that he could be helping out with things that need to get done, rather than working for free. Does that make better sense?"

Yeah, you told me after I quoted your post to someone else. So in other words, I hadn't read that part yet. So I didn't need the breakdown. I realize this thread is moving fast so try and see what was posted and when.

Just Ames 2 kids; 1 angel baby; Montego Bay, Jamaica 114793 posts
24th Jul
Quoting TheCoopersKnitWitch:" That's what I meant. He gets paid x amount per year. If he sells something he possibly could get a ... [snip!] ... mean one or 2 nights with working all day? Fine, but 7 days a week for no guarantee of extra pay? That's not fair to us at all."

Ohhhhhh so he's salary with possible commission.
That's why salary sucks. There is a fine line of job description vs getting taken advantage of.

Just Ames 2 kids; 1 angel baby; Montego Bay, Jamaica 114793 posts
24th Jul
Quoting TheCoopersKnitWitch:" Here's some other things too. I understand he needs his space, his down time. But like I mentioned if ... [snip!] ... have to call him downstairs to even sit down and watch a movie with me. And the fact that it's gotten that bad makes me cry. "

People lose that connection all of the time. A marriage is hard to maintain and it's constant work. You seem to be in the land of resentment and it's hard to get back from that place. But like someone else said, do you want to?

......................... Oregon 14226 posts
24th Jul
Quoting Just Ames:" Ohhhhhh so he's salary with possible commission. That's why salary sucks. There is a fine line of job description vs getting taken advantage of."


It's ok I wasn't upset. It's just frustrating for me today. I want so much to help him. But right now I'm living on pain medication just to get by to take care of the kids until my back can get taken care of. And at a time right now that's so important it would be nice for him to tell his boss to pack sand a few days a week so he can help out more than what he does.



Right now honestly, I do take care of everything. I do occasionally farm out a few jobs. Like refiling the kids health insurance, he's the sole provider he's supposed to be doing it, help managing my medical bills, etc...but other wise I just try to do as much here as I can. Right now I'm doing laundry, getting lunch and kids fed and trying to mow the lawn so the kids don't get stung by bees. It's just so much. And I have like 50 diapers I need to make.



I also HAVE to work this WAHM business. It only brings in roughly 200 a month, but that's more than we had before. and with his boss not paying those extra hours, we need all the cash we can get.

Pregnancy Addiction Due August 10; TTC since Mar 2013; 7 kids; Wyoming 12151 posts
24th Jul

Not sure if you are religious or not, but this talk was given at a general conference talk and I think its sort of fitting for what you are going through.



"Some of our most important choices concern family activities. Many breadwinners worry that their occupations leave too little time for their families. There is no easy formula for that contest of priorities. However, I have never known of a man who looked back on his working life and said,

......................... Oregon 14226 posts
24th Jul
Quoting Just Ames:" People lose that connection all of the time. A marriage is hard to maintain and it's constant work. You ... [snip!] ... You seem to be in the land of resentment and it's hard to get back from that place. But like someone else said, do you want to?"


I am stuck here. We don't believe in divorce, so getting back to the way it used to be is the goal. But it requires work on both sides, and all I see him is working very hard for not enough pay to feed his family. So I see myself doing about 90% of the work physically while he's bringing in the money for ME to maintain it all. and that's hard for me.

......................... Oregon 14226 posts
24th Jul
Quoting Pregnancy Addiction:" Not sure if you are religious or not, but this talk was given at a general conference talk and I think ... [snip!] ... most serious of all responsibilities, for the consequences of your leadership in your home will be eternal and everlasting.
Pregnancy Addiction Due August 10; TTC since Mar 2013; 7 kids; Wyoming 12151 posts
24th Jul
Quoting TheCoopersKnitWitch:" We are very religious which is why it's that much harder for me. He's Quaker, I'm really just a Christian. ... [snip!] ... can be done, even if he's setting the timer for computer work vs home family work. And he does it occasionally but not often."


I never mentioned you getting a divorce though?

......................... Oregon 14226 posts
24th Jul
Quoting Pregnancy Addiction:" I never mentioned you getting a divorce though? "


No but it's something that we've always been open and honest about for us.



Divorce is never on the table for us. When we have problems working things out is the option. Nothing else.



I believe to many people jump to divorce to quickly when relationships have problems.