Reply
......................... Oregon 14226 posts
24th Jul

So I'm in tears right now.



I asked my husband to take out the trash on his way to work today. He took it out.



But didn't put it in the trash can. He put it inside the gate, and the dog got into it and spread it through out the yard. I just found it.



He does this too. Says he does things but lies about how he does it.

Pregnancy Addiction Due August 10; TTC since Mar 2013; 7 kids; Wyoming 12356 posts
24th Jul
Quoting TheCoopersKnitWitch:" No but it's something that we've always been open and honest about for us. Divorce is never on the ... [snip!] ... things out is the option. Nothing else. I believe to many people jump to divorce to quickly when relationships have problems."



While I agree with you, I dont understand why you are saying it since I never even mentioned it as an option lol.



As far as talking it out, I think that you need to do it more, because from the look and sound of things, it seems as though its not getting through to him. Maybe you need to be more assertive and forceful when you make your stance on how you want this marriage to be?

Jenny&Boopy 2 kids; Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania 7171 posts
24th Jul

I'm sorry :(. SO is a horrible procrastinator. I've been asking him for two months to buy sme caulking so either he or I can fix the gap between the tub and the the wall. He'll say he wants to do something or has to then puts it off as long as possible. He wanted to rearrange the living room a few months ago but never did. So one day I just got fed up and did it myself. He came home and was mad that I moved everything alone but I told him hey, you didn't do it so I took care of it. Now he's getting a little better because he knows if I can do it myself I will without waiting for him.

......................... Oregon 14226 posts
24th Jul
Quoting Pregnancy Addiction:" While I agree with you, I dont understand why you are saying it since I never even mentioned it as ... [snip!] ... through to him. Maybe you need to be more assertive and forceful when you make your stance on how you want this marriage to be?"


It's probably because it's something his mom says to us all the time. so people always think we're getting a divorce. and it's like why do people need to jump to that?



My MIL always says we're going to get a divorce. I don't know why. So we are always just open and honest about it. It's not an option and it's something I think a lot of people jump to. Oh they're having problems, they must be getting a divorce.



I've personally been divorced once before. My first husband left us and refused to work on things.

......................... Oregon 14226 posts
24th Jul
Quoting
Pregnancy Addiction Due August 10; TTC since Mar 2013; 7 kids; Wyoming 12356 posts
24th Jul
Quoting TheCoopersKnitWitch:" I think mine sees it as, "Oh she'll just do it for me so why bother?""



But if he doesnt like you doing those things, why would he think like that? thats really odd lol

user banned 3 kids; Washington 15083 posts
24th Jul

My DH some times takes the trash out. I'm getting ready to start homeschooling on top of all of our appts.



He works and brings in the money and does work outside on the weekend. Really I can't complain because he does help out a lot IMO compared to a lot of woman I see on here, he does dishes on the weekend and will cook meals etc.



However, I do a lot of what was mentioned. I pay the bills. I make the phone calls. I get the tabs, I take the car 50% of the time for an oil change. He does his own. I take the trash and recycle out. Now that it's summer I scoop the dog crap in the yard every day multiple times a day and he does maybe once on the weekend- I care he doesn't. I mow the lawn 50% of the time.



I know he does so much away from home I fit it in when I can when I am home. So he's not stuck with housework every day he's off and in return I get breaks from my usual chores when he chooses to do things around here... Especially in the house.



So maybe he will allow you to deal with bills.. I always do them after the kids are in bed. And maybe you can get the tabs. And take the trash out.



Maybe write him a honey do list. And then it seems more thoughtful than bitching.

......................... Oregon 14226 posts
24th Jul
Quoting ♫ boobook ♫:" My DH some times takes the trash out. I'm getting ready to start homeschooling on top of all of our appts. ... [snip!] ... can get the tabs. And take the trash out. Maybe write him a honey do list. And then it seems more thoughtful than bitching."


Your honestly a lot better off.



Mine does NOTHING unless I b***h and it hurts my feelings. I don't like treating him like that. But if I don't say something, like 30 times, it won't get done. Period. I really feel like I don't nearly 100% of everything around, and I mean it.



He mostly goes to work and brings home the money. And to him that makes him entitled to do nothing.



My daughter is even getting annoyed and I know it's because of me, but she's even started saying, "Why can't daddy just put his clothes in laundry room?" He just leaves all of his clothes every where.



I'm not his mom and he's not my kid. I shouldn't feel like I'm treating him like a child and be married to him. You know?

......................... Oregon 14226 posts
24th Jul

I failed to mention he can't even get out of bed to go work on time. I'm surprised he hasn't been fired. He's supposed to work from 8:30-5 pm, and if I'm lucky i can get him out of bed by 8:30-9 oclock. He can't even go to work on his own. ;( It's sad.

Pregnancy Addiction Due August 10; TTC since Mar 2013; 7 kids; Wyoming 12356 posts
24th Jul
Quoting TheCoopersKnitWitch:" I failed to mention he can't even get out of bed to go work on time. I'm surprised he hasn't been fired. ... [snip!] ... from 8:30-5 pm, and if I'm lucky i can get him out of bed by 8:30-9 oclock. He can't even go to work on his own. ;( It's sad."


Then you need to stop doing everything for him, you are only aiding him by doing so. I am not saying get a divorce, but maybe leave for a bit and have him learn what its like to actually have to do things on his own again.

......................... Oregon 14226 posts
24th Jul
Quoting Pregnancy Addiction:" Then you need to stop doing everything for him, you are only aiding him by doing so. I am not saying ... [snip!] ... get a divorce, but maybe leave for a bit and have him learn what its like to actually have to do things on his own again. "


I can't leave because I have no where to go. I told him he needs to go to his moms for a while and just see what it's like without someone taking care of him and he refuses to go. He just won't go.



Because I think that just a week by himself would be good for him. To see how it is to take care of himself again but he won't do it. i have tried that approach.



Talking to him on the phone, he says he knows his behavior has been unacceptable but he hasn't said he's going to start trying to change it again.



The only thing I really ask for him to work on, is his seperation of work/school and family time. That's what i really ask for.

Pregnancy Addiction Due August 10; TTC since Mar 2013; 7 kids; Wyoming 12356 posts
24th Jul
Quoting TheCoopersKnitWitch:" I can't leave because I have no where to go. I told him he needs to go to his moms for a while and ... [snip!] ... only thing I really ask for him to work on, is his seperation of work/school and family time. That's what i really ask for. "


Then try to find other ways to do it, dont tell him to go to bed, let him do it and when he is late for work, HE will be the one responsible if he loses his job. Dont fix him meals, he can make his own meals, dont wash his clothes, he can wash his own clothes. There are some things you will have to do on your own still, but things that involve him, just stop doing them, until he learns to be a part ofthe family more thanjust what is expected from him financially wise he can learn to do with doing those things on his own.

Jenny&Boopy 2 kids; Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania 7171 posts
24th Jul

<blockquote><b>Quoting TheCoopersKnitWitch:</b>" I think mine sees it as, "Oh she'll just do it for me so why bother?""</blockquote>




Yeah idk why they're like that. I seriously wonder myself how SO lived before me lol. Well I know being at his house before we moved in together was awful. He'd leave dirty dishes in the sink for a whole week until the next time I saw him, he didn't fold or put away his laundry just dumped it all in his closet, food was going bad in the fridge and he'd stick a whole pot of something uncovered in there. I was like :lol: ever hear of Tupperware? He lived off spaghettios and pasta. It was bad lol. About a week ago we took LO to a doctors appointment and he seriously yelled at me for not waking him up earlier than I did. I was like :x dude I'm not your mom set your own damn alarm. I got up and had to get myself and the baby ready and feed the baby. I was like usually I do wake you up early and you whine, not my fault you waited to get a shower until this morning.

......................... Oregon 14226 posts
24th Jul

<blockquote><b>Quoting Pregnancy Addiction:</b>" Then try to find other ways to do it, dont tell him to go to bed, let him do it and when he is late ... [snip!] ... ofthe family more thanjust what is expected from him financially wise he can learn to do with doing those things on his own."</blockquote>




Have you ever had to do this? Because it makes you feel like shit. I stopped washing his clothes. I started putting the trash on the porch for him to find. I'll leave things in his office. And he still won't do it. Which is why I'm at my wits end. What else do you do when he still doesn't get it. How long do you do it for?

Pregnancy Addiction Due August 10; TTC since Mar 2013; 7 kids; Wyoming 12356 posts
24th Jul
Quoting TheCoopersKnitWitch:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Pregnancy Addiction:</b>" Then try to find other ways to do ... [snip!] ... won't do it. Which is why I'm at my wits end. What else do you do when he still doesn't get it. How long do you do it for?"


I have actually had to do it before years ago. NOT because he didnt help, but because he kept accusing ME of not doing enough. It did not take my husband long to see how much I actually do around the house.