So I really dont know if I'm blowing things out of proportion, but Im getting really frustrated with my husband.. Everytime his friends say "Hey such and such is going on tonight you coming?" My husband immediately says yes HE'S going and doesnt say anything to me. Im getting so sick of never being asked if Id like to go, and that Im constantly expected to stay at home with the kids like im his own personal babysitter).. I get that he needs his boys nights and he gets them ALOT more often than I go out for even me time (which usually I only go a couple hours because I know he's gunna be in a bitchy mood when I get home).. Ive told him how unfair I think it is and he acts like its not a big deal and typically ignores me.. IF he does actually ask me to go out, I have to be the one to find a sitter and my only options are my mom, my sister and my 80 year old grandma (she's fabulous with the girls)... His family NEVER helps us out.. His mom and step dad always have other plans (when they dont) or say yes and then "forget" and dont take the girls.. Or they'll take our oldest for the length of a movie OR dinner.. not both.. before we have to come back to get her, leaving us trying to find a 2nd sitter for our youngest.. Its hardly ever they take our oldest overnight (never have had our youngest overnight) and if they do, they pick her up at bedtime and usually drop her off after breakfast... like its stupid.. I feel taken for granted sometimes and its hard for me to explain this to my husband without him having an immature child like moment when he doesnt get his way.. Ex: Today, one of OUR friends (apparently his friend cause he's known him longer) is leaving to go back to Ontario, so his friends are having a little thing at one of thier houses.. Yesterday he told me he wanted to stay home and have a night with me and the girls. But today he's already planned to go over there, not sure when he'll be home, he might need a ride there and back (we live out of town so I would have to pack up our 2 1/2 year old and almost 9 month old and who knows what hour to get him) and I have to work in the morning (he's suppose to be home with the girls). I told him well you know I'd like to come and see him before he goes, Id like to get outta the house.. His response "Oh well I'll ask my parents" (who arent in town). I dont want to ask my sister cause she's been watching our girls all during the week the past 2 weeks cause our dayhome lady is gone away. I dont want to ask my grandma cause she watched them last weekend when we went to our friends wedding. And my mom has been working 2 jobs and hasnt had a break in over a week... So frustrated...
Quoting Nae&Zoe's Mommy:" So I really dont know if I'm blowing things out of proportion, but Im getting really frustrated with ... [snip!] ... we went to our friends wedding. And my mom has been working 2 jobs and hasnt had a break in over a week... So frustrated..."
You are your kids personal babysitter. Nobody else is required to give you a break, that is what being a mom is about. If you don't want your SO going out, bring that up to him...without whining that it's "your turn."
Get some friends with children so you can have a sleep over at her house, or they at yours so you can have some social interaction and a few cocktails.
What he does, yes it would frustrate me. But regarding his family, I wouldn't expect my family to play babysitter and be frustrated if they don't. Why don't you find someone that you can hire on occasions like date night? we have someone that we call when we want to go out, I try as much as I can to not call his family (my family lives out of state) and only call them basically in emergency situations.
But yet, my husband going out even after having made plans with us would upset me.
Can you just bring the kids so you can see him before he leaves for a little bit and then go home?
As for the doing it often I would HATE that.. I can 't imagine DH doing that EVER but if he did i'd be pretty pissed and felt taken advantage of and not appreciated:(
Maybe you should last minute ditch him with the kids, even if you don't have plans so he can see how it is. Parenting is hard work! Best of luck to you!
Quoting JessieLeeAnne:" You are your kids personal babysitter. Nobody else is required to give you a break, that is what being ... [snip!] ... so you can have a sleep over at her house, or they at yours so you can have some social interaction and a few cocktails. "
I completely get where your coming from and I know im my KIDS personal baby sitter. But im not my husbands. He thinks he can just make plans without even talking to me first that he can just come and go as he pleases (I know im not wording this right.. Im not controlling of him it would just be nice to have him come and talk with me about going out, asking if Id wanna come, work as a couple instead of him just expecting me to do EVERYTHING while he has all the fun.. And his childish fits are brutal.
We only have a couple friends who have kids or are even in a serious relationship.. I would NEVER leave my kids with any of his friends, they are sooo irresponsible, do nothing but drink and a few of them get into things that im not quite fond of...My best friend just had a baby and still is in the hospital so I cant ask her lol.. My family is amazing they always volunteers to watch our girls, they dont want them going over to a strangers house.. My usual sitter is on her honeymoon and I just dont feel at all comfortable just calling up someone off an ad to watch my kids. Def the hard part when your the first ppl in your group to be married... or have a serious relationship and have kids.. I can sometimes bring my kids if its a bbq or I know other kids will be there (rarely ever) or I know its not going to be a dumb drunkin flail fest (which it usually is).
My husband goes out more than I do and gets to hang out with his friends more than I do but that comes along with being a mother. Luckily your kids will eventually be grown and you can have as many nights dedicated solely to you as you want.
BUT I would address the situation with my husband. I wouldn't tell him he can't go out but I would explain to him how it would be nice if you got to go out sometimes as well or set up a date night that you two stick with every week or every other week that way it's pretty much a for sure thing that you too will get to enjoy some time away from the kids.