Need advice!! LONG! sorry.. CNA1990 New Jersey 382 posts
28th Jul '13

Brought up to my husband a few months back I want a divorce due to no communication, constant arguing, being insulted and treated like a child (things taken or hidden from me if I didn't do what he asked me to do that day, no access to money, ignores me when I tell him I need to get my license [moved a few times never long enough to get a license] even though I've been telling him since we've been together in Nov 2011. Well he begged and pleaded for me to stay and he would be willing to try to go to marriage counselling as long as it's in the town we live in. I didn't set up and appointment at the one in town because my son's psycho sperm donor goes there sometimes because his even crazier grandma works there and it would be a bad situation for reasons regarding them not being allowed to see my son.

Well he went from working 11p-7a to a new shift 3p-11p and our marriage improved until he started making insults about my body again and even said, "if you got fat or if your butt got much bigger I'd buy you a treadmill and have you run laps". I stayed at my dad's house for about 5 days total out of a week and came back and said I wanted a divorce, he got real angry got in my face and said he would fight for full custody because "if I hurt him he'll hurt me" by taking my daughter from me for no reason. I told him that's not only hurting me but would hurt our daughter and he would have to prove me unfit and would fail because I'm a good mom. He then cried and was shaking real bad. He got ready for work and in not so many words insinuated he was going hurt himself by crashing his truck. He got in his truck and left said he was going to work came home about 30 minutes later if that while I was in the shower. I heard the door and came out and he was no where to be found... he was in the spare room in the dark and came out smiling and laughing and started searching the house. I said if you're looking to find someone here that's not why I want this and there's no one here. He just stood there smiling at me for a few minutes then sat down next to me and didn't say a word I took out my phone and began calling my step mom because his behavior was insane. He said he wasn't going to do anything stupid and I repeated myself about my decision of divorce and he kept saying no repeatedly and crying and shaking I suggested separation and he asked if we could still "date" I said sure why not but only 1 time a week (this was all new to me). We never separated and I left contacting the marriage counselor up to him since he wanted to try this time and last time didn't wanna go out of town (20 mins away) for counselling. He never contacted one so I then told him a month ago it's up to him since Idk how far he's willing to go or what we can afford (I have no access to finances or money) and his reply was, "I thought you were doing that and I said no, if you're serious the ball is in your court. He still hasn't contacted one so I don't know what to do I think I'm not in love with anymore there's no spark he is not romantic at all and shoots down my attempts at initiating romance and (tmi) we're 22 years old and have sex about 3-4 times a month if I'm lucky. I don't know what to do.. if you were me what would you do?

*we've been married since May 4th, 2012


thats me. :) 18 kids; Edmonton, Alberta 3112 posts
status 28th Jul '13

I would pack up my stuff and LEAVE.

Baby_Majick 52 kids; Sullivan, Missouri 4031 posts
28th Jul '13

Don't walk but RUN that is an abusive mental game.

Mrs. Feliz. 2 kids; New Jersey 9998 posts
28th Jul '13

Pack your shit and go. Yor better off without him!

*Mary Moon* 1 child; New York 3601 posts
28th Jul '13

I feel like marriage counseling is for couples with issues.
I feel divorce is for couples who have an abusive a*****e spouse who fell off the crazy tree and hit every branch on the way down.
Don't make his mental issues your problem! The shit you described...pfft.
Forget it. He needs to find total wellness before he can love and be loved again. He's verbally abusive, possibly eventually physically abusive and is showing signs of a potential mental break. He's broken and so is the state of your marriage. Think about you and your daughter. There is a reason you don't feel like you love him and its the same reason why your marriage is probably not worth saving.
But...this is a stranger a whole state away on the Internet you have never met in your life, so in the end the rest is up to you, my dear. Good luck.

CNA1990 New Jersey 382 posts
28th Jul '13

Thing is I don't have a job or car and worst is me and his best friend are falling for each other (never done anything physically). I feel horrible. My dad's house is the only house I could go to and they have that whole mentality they are my children's parent's and are controlling and my step mom is very jealous of me. So I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place =/.