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Can't have his pictures up Jacob'sKeeper 2 kids; Montana 8064 posts
29th Jul

I feel like something is wrong with me. I have Jakes pictures on here and on FB. But I just can't deal with having them up in my house. My mom has a whole hallway wall dedicated to Jake, when we're over there I can't even go down that hallway. I have to be in a certain mood to look at his pictures, see his things. Am I just a f**king cold hearted person that I don't want his pictures/things around constantly? It just makes me so depressed, I just stare at them and cry. My mom mentioned something like I was just trying to forget him and it really upset me.

castaway 2 kids; Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania 18092 posts
29th Jul

you're not cold-hearted. If you had no feeling, it wouldn't bother you to see them. (not saying that people who it doesn't bother are cold hearted)
I still have a hard time looking at pictures of my dad, and he died in '09.

user banned 2 kids; Bat Cave, North Carolina 64587 posts
29th Jul

I think that everyone copes differently. There is no "wrong" way to cope, so you're not doing anything abnormal. She copes differently and shouldn't expect you to handle things the same way, nor should she judge you for how you handle things. That's really shitty of her. :?

anxiouslywaiting4abfp TTC since Jul 2013; Almost Heaven, WV, United States 3282 posts
status 29th Jul

No you aren't cold hearted..it's just where the hurt is so deep..

Jacob'sKeeper 2 kids; Montana 8064 posts
29th Jul
Quoting The Original Mayhem.:" I think that everyone copes differently. There is no "wrong" way to cope, so you're not doing anything ... [snip!] ... expect you to handle things the same way, nor should she judge you for how you handle things. That's really shitty of her. :?"


He had his own room in their house for when he visited, just looking at the door gave me anxiety. She'd when my niece was up from Denver. She would run in and out of his room and play with his favorite toys. I thought I was going to have a nervous f**king breakdown.

ModernMan'sHustle ♥ 1 child; Akron, Ohio 983 posts
29th Jul

You are absolutely not cold hearted, every person grieves differently. If you can't handle seeing his pictures in your house right now then that's what you need to do to help yourself handle that he's gone. There will be a time where you might want to put the pictures back up but until then, do what feels right for you.



It's very rude of her to say that, she has a different way of coping than you. I'm very sorry for your loss. He looked like a beautiful young man.

Jacob'sKeeper 2 kids; Montana 8064 posts
29th Jul
Quoting castaway:" you're not cold-hearted. If you had no feeling, it wouldn't bother you to see them. (not saying that ... [snip!] ... that people who it doesn't bother are cold hearted) I still have a hard time looking at pictures of my dad, and he died in '09."


At first I had all of his stuff around, I smothered myself in his pictures. But that was also when I was under the conclusion he was just gone for a while and coming back.

Rebekah Garden x3 Due October 5; 33 kids; Fall River, Massachusetts 5223 posts
29th Jul

No that is normal. Mothers react differently than grandparents and others towards deaths. My mom went through phases of wanting to look at my brothers pics, and not wanting to.

Jacob'sKeeper 2 kids; Montana 8064 posts
29th Jul
Quoting ModernMan'sHustle ♥:" You are absolutely not cold hearted, every person grieves differently. If you can't handle seeing his ... [snip!] ... to say that, she has a different way of coping than you. I'm very sorry for your loss. He looked like a beautiful young man."


He really was, he was amazing.

LayLu 17 kids; Virginia 4007 posts
29th Jul

Everyone deals with it differently. I have two of my son's pictures hung on our wall (our angel baby who passed the day he was born) but I certainly wouldn't want a huge display somewhere in our house. I completely understand where you're coming from. My aunt is always posting things about my son, sending me stuff with his name on it, constantly trying to get me to talk about it (she's a social worker so I guess it's just her thing).. it's been almost three years now and she acts as if it just happened yesterday. I'm not comfortable with all that, I choose to just not talk about it because it's so unsettling. Sure, I'll bring up "my last pregnancy" or my son, but for the most part I just don't mention it because it makes me slightly uncomfortable and it makes other people even more uncomfortable.

user banned 2 kids; Bat Cave, North Carolina 64587 posts
29th Jul

<blockquote><b>Quoting Jacob'sKeeper:</b>" He had his own room in their house for when he visited, just looking at the door gave me anxiety. She'd ... [snip!] ... would run in and out of his room and play with his favorite toys. I thought I was going to have a nervous f**king breakdown."</blockquote>



I'd honestly avoid going there for a while. Have her over at your house where you can better control the situation and keep triggers out of sight, kwim?

Jacob'sKeeper 2 kids; Montana 8064 posts
29th Jul
Quoting LayLu:" Everyone deals with it differently. I have two of my son's pictures hung on our wall (our angel baby ... [snip!] ... most part I just don't mention it because it makes me slightly uncomfortable and it makes other people even more uncomfortable."


I think I make people uncomfortable all the time b/c I'll just non nonchalantly talk about him. There are so many awesome memories I have of him, if something comes up in convo I can't leave it out...Well, I can, I just don't have the ability.

Jacob'sKeeper 2 kids; Montana 8064 posts
29th Jul
Quoting The Original Mayhem.:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Jacob'sKeeper:</b>" He had his own room in their house for ... [snip!] ... there for a while. Have her over at your house where you can better control the situation and keep triggers out of sight, kwim?"


We lived pretty close to them *70 miles, but it was farther for me to go to the store, so that's close haha* DH's job took us about 40 miles from the Canadian border so we're about 4 1/2 hours away now. I could do with a break from her.

user banned 2 kids; Bat Cave, North Carolina 64587 posts
29th Jul

<blockquote><b>Quoting Jacob'sKeeper:</b>" We lived pretty close to them *70 miles, but it was farther for me to go to the store, so that's close ... [snip!] ... DH's job took us about 40 miles from the Canadian border so we're about 4 1/2 hours away now. I could do with a break from her."</blockquote>



Maybe say you're saving money so you don't want to spend extra in gas?

Jacob'sKeeper 2 kids; Montana 8064 posts
29th Jul
Quoting The Original Mayhem.:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Jacob'sKeeper:</b>" We lived pretty close to them *70 miles, ... [snip!] ... I could do with a break from her."</blockquote> Maybe say you're saving money so you don't want to spend extra in gas?"


Oh I don't plan on going back very often, holiday's pretty much. We do have to go back in a little bit b/c my brother has to finish our truck door. Other than that we're staying up here. Winter will be starting soon.