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I'm His Amy He's My Rory 2 kids; Caldwell, Idaho 49290 posts
1st Aug '13
Quoting Don't. Blink.:" They even know they're spoiled. :x"


Oh I know I'm spoiled, always have. BUT I can be self sufficient and also happily help others too.

Brock Obama 1 child; Spain 6372 posts
1st Aug '13

Of course.



I spoil my daughter when she behaves well. As a consequence, she gets praised and special treats when she behaves good. I reinforce good behavior.



She has her moments. But pretty much, people ask me how do I do to have such a well behaved child.



It's possible :)

Interrobang!? 6 kids; Ontario 1176 posts
2nd Aug '13

No.



I don't believe "stuff" makes a child spoiled though. Nor does praise, attention, or affection. So I guess my definition is different than most peoples'.



By my definition, no. Because to me, spoiled is an attitude. They may even be superficially well-behaved (I don't believe behaviour means a whole lot either) but it's an internal attitude. Either you are, or you aren't.



To me, spoiled people (including/especially adults) are people who do not care how their actions impact others, as long as they get what they want. Be it material things, attention, recognition, or desired behaviour out of others.

justanothamotha Due January 20; 130 kids; Climax, Michigan 5120 posts
2nd Aug '13

It depends. When a child gets what they ask for & acts nicely then you can't determine. The line is when they have to go without & then see how their behavior is. If a child cannot cope with being told no, they are definitely spoiled & you only set them up to be damaged by lacking the ability to gain coping tools.

Vivialopod 2 kids; Vantaa, Finland 42788 posts
2nd Aug '13

No because to me spoiled means rotten. If they're polite kids and accept being told no and understand they don't always get what they want and are appreciative of what they do get, they not spoiled, even if you shower them with material things

Oya. 81 kids; Hollywood, Florida 25195 posts
2nd Aug '13
Quoting Don't. Blink.:" I'm insanely curious about this. My husband thinks I spoil our 4 daughters but anyone who has met them ... [snip!] ... who has met them often make comments on the fact that they're well behaved and polite. Do you think it's possible to be both?"


yes.n its a difference between a spoiled brat and being spoiled

Destinite 1 child; 2 angel babies; Paradise, FL, United States 31612 posts
2nd Aug '13
Quoting Don't. Blink.:" I'm insanely curious about this. My husband thinks I spoil our 4 daughters but anyone who has met them ... [snip!] ... who has met them often make comments on the fact that they're well behaved and polite. Do you think it's possible to be both?"


Absolutely! You can spoil your child and teach them how to behave, be respectable human beings, so on and so forth.



Mara Due September 27 (girl); 2 kids; San Francisco, California 38964 posts
2nd Aug '13
Quoting Don't. Blink.:" I'm insanely curious about this. My husband thinks I spoil our 4 daughters but anyone who has met them ... [snip!] ... who has met them often make comments on the fact that they're well behaved and polite. Do you think it's possible to be both?"


define spoiled.

user banned Lesbos, Greece 95211 posts
2nd Aug '13
Quoting Mara:" define spoiled. "


If I use my husband's definition:
Having things given to you without any work or effort on your part.

Mara Due September 27 (girl); 2 kids; San Francisco, California 38964 posts
2nd Aug '13
Quoting Don't. Blink.:" If I use my husband's definition: Having things given to you without any work or effort on your part."


hmmm.. by that definition, yes you can have well-behaved children, absolutely!



i spoil my kid(s)... he doesn't work for his meals, and won't have to until he moves out.



i randomly buy him gifts ... not often, but when he shows a growing interest in something i'd like to see fostered / developed.



and minus forgetting to ask to be excused from the table, i'd put him in the "very well-behaved" category nearly all of the time.



teaching a child to behave doesn't necessarily have anything to do w/ what they "get" w/out working for it.

user banned Lesbos, Greece 95211 posts
2nd Aug '13
Quoting Mara:" hmmm.. by that definition, yes you can have well-behaved children, absolutely! i spoil my kid(s)... ... [snip!] ... all of the time. teaching a child to behave doesn't necessarily have anything to do w/ what they "get" w/out working for it. "


I'm like this towards the girls because of how my family was growing up. My siblings had everything handed to them and my parents required that I work for anything I wanted or needed. I almost didn't graduate with my class because my parents felt it wasn't their responsibility to pay my high school fees. :?



So, I think I try to steer clear from that and have a tendency to overdo it a bit. The girls aren't mean, entitled, or unappreciative by any means. I can tell them no without much issue.



And I also think he's worried this is going to backfire on him because he's stricter and they'll be under his care 90% of the time starting the end of August. I don't think it will.

Mara Due September 27 (girl); 2 kids; San Francisco, California 38964 posts
2nd Aug '13
Quoting Don't. Blink.:" I'm like this towards the girls because of how my family was growing up. My siblings had everything ... [snip!] ... on him because he's stricter and they'll be under his care 90% of the time starting the end of August. I don't think it will."


talk to him about it.



spoiled doesn't mean that you get ANYTHING, it just means you're handed everything w/ no regard for how that'll impact your world view.



i can appreciate the concern if it's like that when kids get older, but there's a fine line between being supportive and not - your parents put your "self-reliance" above supporting you when you were still in school mode.



as our culture exists, kids are fully-employed (w/out pay) by the schooling system, so it's unrealistic to expect them to pay for everything even when they're in high school.



it might also be unrealistic for them to get a car w/ everything paid for...



i'm not there yet, but i think buying a used car for your teenager - who has a driver's license, that they work to pay half the insurance, or whatever makes sense, so they can fully understand that cars have ongoing operating costs before they hit the real world, isn't remotely spoiling.



but i was raised po' and want my kid to enjoy life a bit before he hits reality, wherein all costs and responsibilities are forever more inescapably his to struggle through.

user banned Lesbos, Greece 95211 posts
2nd Aug '13
Quoting Mara:" talk to him about it. spoiled doesn't mean that you get ANYTHING, it just means you're handed everything ... [snip!] ... a bit before he hits reality, wherein all costs and responsibilities are forever more inescapably his to struggle through. "


At the age they're at now, I don't think it's wrong to buy them a toy when they ask for one. Lilli is going into 2nd grade is starting to want to keep up with the Jones' kids. :roll: But we've told her no on a few things she's asked for or we tell her it's a possibility for her birthday (like her Galaxy II tablet) and she takes it in stride. M and I have already discussed their teen years. We'll buy one car that we pay for along with the insurance and gas: the catch is that they have to share it with our rules attached. One car between 4 teenage girls? HAHAHAHA



If they want to have their own set of wheels, they'll have to come up with the down payment or half the purchase price and pay for their insurance/gas.

DisneyMommy 34 kids; Florida 6301 posts
3rd Aug '13

Yes. I give my kids a lot and love to indulge them, they are good kids. I have seen kids who dont have shit and are complete assholes.