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I'm scared. user banned
5th Aug '13

I'm seriously, legitimately afraid I won't love this baby as much as I love my son. For two and a half years he's been my best friend, my world, my sun, the reason I work so hard and the reason I get up in the morning. I've changed so much, and I've learned so much because of him. It's always been me and him. He's my partner in crime. I'm with him 24/7 and I wouldn't have it any other way... Honestly, all I would even ask for is one or two nights a month to go out. I'd rather be with him.
I'm so scared I won't have the same bond with this baby... I feel like I couldn't possibly love him as much as I love Bug. I know I'd love the new baby but it just seems impossible to love him as much, does that make sense?



I keep having nightmares where I don't love him and I give him away. The other night I dreamed I was carrying DS1 in my sling and had the new baby in the stroller, and a stranger came up to me and asked "Why don't you have the smaller one in your carrier? Wouldn't it be easier on your back?" and I responded "I don't love that one. Will you take him?" and I gave her the new baby and the stroller and never looked back. I feel like the most awful mother in the world... is this at all normal? Will it change when he's here? I really feel like a terrible f**king human. I've been having nightmares and crying since last week.

♥Mama Constantine 2 kids; 3 angel babies; Texas 5798 posts
5th Aug '13
Quoting ☮HippyMama☮:" I'm seriously, legitimately afraid I won't love this baby as much as I love my son. For two and a half ... [snip!] ... it change when he's here? I really feel like a terrible f**king human. I've been having nightmares and crying since last week."


It will change. I remember posting this same question about my daughter when I was pregnant. I love her to pieces. She's amazing, and I can't picture life without her. It's normal.

♥Mama Constantine 2 kids; 3 angel babies; Texas 5798 posts
5th Aug '13
doublepost!
[Gryffinwhore♥] Due March 3; 34 kids; Poulsbo, Washington 32791 posts
5th Aug '13

It's 100% normal to feel this way.
When you have a second child, you don't love either child any less. You love that second baby JUST as much as the first.



It's hard to comprehend that idea, because you already love your son so much. You can't imagine that you could love anyone as much as him. But you will. :)

MamaCass{+JOE} 3 kids; 1 angel baby; Pennsylvania 42355 posts
5th Aug '13

Those are completely normal feelings, and I had them, too, when I was pregnant with my second. But let me tell you that once you new baby is here, all those feelings will completely vanish. It will feel like that baby has always been a part of your life. And you and your son will have a new partner in crime :)

MamaCass{+JOE} 3 kids; 1 angel baby; Pennsylvania 42355 posts
5th Aug '13

Those are completely normal feelings, and I had them, too, when I was pregnant with my second. But let me tell you that once you new baby is here, all those feelings will completely vanish. It will feel like that baby has always been a part of your life. And you and your son will have a new partner in crime :)

Kimmy Gibbler 2 kids; Grapevine, Texas 8039 posts
5th Aug '13

Ohh my gosh that is SO normal. I felt that way when I was pregnant with Dd (I also call my son "bug" by the way)! Turns out, I bonded faster and more strongly with her than I did my son when he was a baby. I promise you will love this baby JUST as much! :)

lacTAYtor. ☮ 3 kids; North Carolina 4496 posts
5th Aug '13

It's completely normal, Mama. :) I remember feeling the exact same way. You will amaze yourself when you meet your 2nd. It's not like you take a little love that was your 1st LOs and give it to your 2nd -- your love just...grows. And you feel that exact same feeling for this 2nd LO. You'll be wondering why you were even worried in the first place. :)

~Cullen & Ridley's Mommy~ 3 kids; 3 angel babies; Missouri 18926 posts
5th Aug '13

I posted something just like this right before DD was born. I was so scared that I would not be able to love another child as much as I love DS, but it completely changed. It will change, you will now have twice as much love and 2 partners in crime, lol.

Gold 2 kids; Somewhere under Wonderland, VA, United States 36192 posts
5th Aug '13

TOTALLY normal. This was me while I was pregnant with my second. I got really depressed over it and felt ridiculously guilty.



Once she arrived, things changed and I found out I was just being silly (or crazy, as my DH put it -__-)

user banned Due October 22 (boy); 17 kids; Dildo, 4998 posts
5th Aug '13

SO had the same feelings in the beginning and I wasn't worried about it. He got over it months ago and now all of a sudden I feel that way. If all of you felt the same way then I have no doubt it will change, but is there a way to make it easier and feel less guilty for now? :\

j0des(+2) 18 kids; Virginia 5095 posts
5th Aug '13

Never you mind..



You will fall in love. Its a bit overwhelming at first with all the hormones and balancing the importance of each kids needs but your heart expands.

Summerfrost 51 kids; Massachusetts 6571 posts
5th Aug '13

This is very very common. I felt it when I've had all of my babies and everything's worked out. When I was looking up ways to explain to my son about how a new baby would affect a family i found this story ...



The Candle Story:
Find four candles: one to represent you, one for your husband, one for your son, and one for your daughter. Wait until your daughter is asleep and sit down at the table with your son, the candles, candle holders, and a match.


Tell him the following story:


These candles represent our family. (Pick up the Mommy candle.) This is the Mommy candle. (Light the candle.) This flame represents my love. (Pick up the Daddy candle and light that candle from the Mommy candle.) When I married your Daddy, I gave him all my love, AND I still have all my love left. (Put the Daddy candle in a candle holder and then pick up the candle for your son and light it from the Mommy candle.) When you were born I gave you all my love, and Daddy still has all my love, and I still have all my love left. (Put his candle in a candle holder, pick up the baby candle and light it from the Mommy candle.) When your sister was born, I gave her all my love. You still have all my love, Daddy still has all my love, and I still have all my love left, because that is the way love is. (Put the baby candle and the Mommy candle in candle holders.) Now look at all the bright light we have in our family with all this love.

user banned Due October 22 (boy); 17 kids; Dildo, 4998 posts
5th Aug '13
Quoting Summerfrost:" This is very very common. I felt it when I've had all of my babies and everything's worked out. When ... [snip!] ... baby candle and the Mommy candle in candle holders.) Now look at all the bright light we have in our family with all this love."


I really like that a lot, I'll definitely keep that in mind when the new baby gets here!

Summerfrost 51 kids; Massachusetts 6571 posts
5th Aug '13
Quoting ☮HippyMama☮:" I really like that a lot, I'll definitely keep that in mind when the new baby gets here!"


I think it helped me too. There isn't less love to go around. There's more. A new baby will have all our love and our other children will have all our love. There isn't a cut off point where a mom runs out of love.