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last name issue user banned
9th Aug '13

I've been meaning to post this and I keep forgetting, but saw a similar-ish post that reminded me.



DS's last name is his biological father's last name. He doesn't help emotionally, physically or financially. He just wants to be able to say he's a father without having to do the work. :roll: In 2.5 years he's bought one box of wipes and two packs of diapers, and for his 1st birthday bought him a $1 skunk from the dollar store. Nothing for his second birthday. He doesn't visit him unless he wants to start an argument with me and even then he'll stay for less than five minutes, start shit with me about how he hates me and I ruined his life, and use the excuse that I'm a b***h to go home, because logic.



I've been with SO for a little over a year and a half. He's raised Bug with me since he was 13 months old. The new baby will have his last name and so will I, once we get married (not for another few years at least). If things keep up the same way with Bug's biological father not really being there or caring, and SO and I are together and married, does it make me fucked up to let him sign the birth certificate and give Bug his last name? I feel guilty but I don't know why, or if I should. SO is his daddy... he is the one who supports him and takes care of him and teaches him. His biological father doesn't care about helping with him because he's more worried about taking care of his ex's kid, who isn't his, because he loves her. He sees that kid a few times a week and sees Bug for about 5-10 minutes a month.



So I guess to wrap up basic questions, if things stay the same is it wrong for me to give Bug SO (and mine and Asher's) last name a few years down the line? And should I feel guilty? Ahhh. :(

tonys_mama(army wife) 4 kids; 1 angel baby; Fort Irwin, California 15526 posts
9th Aug '13

Can you do that? Wouldn't your SO have to adopt him?

[Gryffinwhore♥] Due March 3; 34 kids; Poulsbo, Washington 32779 posts
9th Aug '13

Can you do that without his bio father's consent, though?
If not, I see it being an issue.



I have thought about this, too. We're going to have 3 different last names in our family. LOL. My SO and this baby will have the same last name. My 2 kids from my previous relationship will have the same last name, as each other but not anybody else. And I have a different last name.

user banned Due October 22 (boy); 17 kids; Dildo, 4998 posts
9th Aug '13
Quoting tonys_mama(army wife):" Can you do that? Wouldn't your SO have to adopt him?"


As far as I know, I've been told I can because his biological father refuses to sign the birth certificate because he thinks I'll go after him for child support... which is stupid because he knows I can regardless because they'll do a DNA test. So I'm not entirely sure, I haven't spoken to anyone with any real authority, but from what I've heard all he'd have to do is sign it...

Dean Winchester 2 kids; 1 angel baby; Alaska 16777 posts
9th Aug '13

I know in texas, IF child support or a paternity test and paper have not been filled out you can put your SO on the birth certificate, as long as someone else has not already signed it.




I say go for it if thats what you want

yo moyo 1 child; Ishim, Russian Federation 1335 posts
9th Aug '13

If I was in your shoes, that's what I'd try to do as well.

Red Bottom 2 kids; Middelfart, Denmark 15275 posts
9th Aug '13

If his bio father has ANY rights, you'll need his consent.



Also, does he consider his bio dad his dad in any way?

penispenispenisVAGINA 4 kids; Idaho 7043 posts
10th Aug '13

In most states knowingly signing the BC by the nonbiofather is fraud and could be punishable by jail time and a huge fine. It's government. Your best route to go is to do the legal way and have rights stripped from BD and have SO adopt him,

user banned Due October 22 (boy); 17 kids; Dildo, 4998 posts
10th Aug '13
Quoting Red Bottom:" If his bio father has ANY rights, you'll need his consent. Also, does he consider his bio dad his dad in any way?"


I don't think he does because he's not on the birth certificate, all they have is a last name in common and the last name is common around here... but I'm not positive. But no, he doesn't consider him his dad. SO and I tried explaining to him numerous times that he's his dad, and he just flat out tells us no, points at SO and says "that's my daddy." When he sees his bio father he hides behind my legs from him and says "I don't know him" and won't call him dad, he either calls him Rob or "eh". He barely recognizes him :\

user banned Due October 22 (boy); 17 kids; Dildo, 4998 posts
10th Aug '13
Quoting fuqq~this~place:" In most states knowingly signing the BC by the nonbiofather is fraud and could be punishable by jail ... [snip!] ... fine. It's government. Your best route to go is to do the legal way and have rights stripped from BD and have SO adopt him, "


Really? I didn't even know it wasn't legal to have SO sign it... :shock: How would I even go about it then? I'm not sure I need to have BD's rights stripped because as far as I know, in CT if he's not on the BC he has no rights. I thought if SO signed it he was, in essence, adopting him, without adopting him, if that makes sense. I'm tired and I think I'm rambling lol

Red Bottom 2 kids; Middelfart, Denmark 15275 posts
10th Aug '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting ☮HippyMama☮:</b>" I don't think he does because he's not on the birth certificate, all they have is a last name in common ... [snip!] ... legs from him and says "I don't know him" and won't call him dad, he either calls him Rob or "eh". He barely recognizes him :\ "</blockquote>




Mmmmm do you think it would be better to wait until he's older and let him choose?

penispenispenisVAGINA 4 kids; Idaho 7043 posts
10th Aug '13
Quoting ☮HippyMama☮:" Really? I didn't even know it wasn't legal to have SO sign it... :shock: How would I even go about it ... [snip!] ... signed it he was, in essence, adopting him, without adopting him, if that makes sense. I'm tired and I think I'm rambling lol"


I would contact a lawyer in your town and ask them. I wanted SO to sign my sons and did a ton of research on it and that's what I had found.

user banned Due October 22 (boy); 17 kids; Dildo, 4998 posts
10th Aug '13
Quoting Red Bottom:" <blockquote><b>Quoting ☮HippyMama☮:</b>" I don't think he does because ... [snip!] ... recognizes him :\ "</blockquote> Mmmmm do you think it would be better to wait until he's older and let him choose?"


This isn't for at least a few years, anyway lol. Not until we're married and I have SO's last name, and we're not planning on getting married for 4-6 more years so he'd be between 6 and 8

Red Bottom 2 kids; Middelfart, Denmark 15275 posts
10th Aug '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting ☮HippyMama☮:</b>" This isn't for at least a few years, anyway lol. Not until we're married and I have SO's last name, and we're not planning on getting married for 4-6 more years so he'd be between 6 and 8"</blockquote>




Then I'd ask his opinion then.

SurvivingApril 18 kids; West Virginia 174 posts
10th Aug '13

I would ask a lawyer personally. I don't know your financial situation but you can do free consultation with one at least.
That would be what is best for you and your baby.



If you want to message me I can tell you more about my experience in court, with lawyers, etc. with this with my own two kids in more detail.But it varies from state to state a little, so you would want to check with a lawyer for sure.