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P3RvYmCp3rv 2 kids; Carlyle, Illinois 11904 posts
12th Aug '13
Quoting speaktruth2powr:" Exactly. People don't seem to understand the difference between a custody order and child support. ... [snip!] ... from the cost of medical/dental above what our insurance pays for to back to school supplies to extra curricular activities."


our order doesn't say any of that. it says douche gets 24hrs a month, is to pay 37.80 every 2 weeks and I have full custody and he has to givem e 30 days notice of him moving prior to a move. I just assume everything else is up to me which i'm fine with.

I totally agree that people don't get the difference though.

Good Queen Bess 2 kids; Ontario 46809 posts
12th Aug '13
Quoting P3RvYmCp3rv:" our order doesn't say any of that. it says douche gets 24hrs a month, is to pay 37.80 every 2 weeks ... [snip!] ... I just assume everything else is up to me which i'm fine with. I totally agree that people don't get the difference though."


Yeah, we had joint legal custody, so we had to make sure all of those things were in there.

FroggysMommy 1 child; Golden, Colorado 27754 posts
12th Aug '13

Okay I really don't get this. I'm going to put both of our situations out there and explain why this makes no sense to me.



So Lumen married an awesome guy. Yes he married someone with a child and he has taken on a child that isn't his and he thinks of that child as his own, I know FULLY that he doesn't complain about paying for their son but they do have a child on the way and they are both upset that Lumen's ex is thousands behind in child support and doesnt do shit for their son and lets their son down. He is the "fun" dad and he needs to be the fun dad that actually does the things that helps him out too. It's not like he is trying to get out of paying for kindergarten, this isn't what its about.



But child support covers more than just food, clothes, medical. It also covers education. It isn't as if Lumen is asking to enroll her son in the most expensive private school in the county... it's kindergarten. She is asking for help with a necessary education benefit that their son needs. Since she cant cover it, she needs assistance. I don't fault her for that. I really don't understand the logic here... If a boy came in here and posted "My ex and I had a child and she wants me to use my financial information to receive assistance for tuition assistance for kindergarten. Im thousands in child support, like, a LOT behind in child support, I could really help her out if I paid her the money but I just don't and we don't get along at all. She would get reduced money if they used our income, but why doesn't she just use her husbands income amount? They wouldn't get assistance but thats not my problem, shes not my problem anymore, right? My son is my problem but hes only my problem when I see him. He doesnt need to know the financial problems we have anyways, right? He just needs to see me as a fun Dad. Don't all you girls agree?" You girls would rip him a fucking new asshole. You KNOW you would. That's exactly what he does.



I agree that her husband should help. I dated someone for 5 years, 8 on and off and his little boy was MY little boy. I did all I could for him. Whatever he needed, I got. But there was only so much I could do... I also had my own child too. I dont have a partner to help me. I did what I could for my own child first and extra went to him... the same is for Lumens husband. He will do anything for both of his sons. My ex also did anything for my daughter too, but there also is only so much you can do before you have to make sure you are putting your own child first and making sure you arent leaving your own child behind and also not leaving behind your step children too. I never held fault for my ex because he got his son hundreds of dollars of Christmas gifts and didnt get my daughter the same. He loved my daughter deeply but I understood it was a deep love but different.



Its hard being a step parent... I understand that. Her ex needs to take care of their son and take care of him equally.... he doesnt need to say "Oh I see he got a new toy, heres half to cover it" but he does need to help out with the big expenses. Cover half of school. Cover half of birthday parties. Cover half of medical. Cover half of activities. Cover a good deal of new wardrobes. He needs to do more than the minimum.... and right now he isnt even doing enough to cover a weekly trip to mcdonalds and with the new pregnancy its been too hectic to take his ass to court. The sad thing is, he shouldn't even be questioning the need to go to court. That's not his background... he was raised better than that. His family did better than that, he WAS better than that. If only he got the help we all pleaded with him to get when he came back from war.... I doubt hed be in this position and he would be doing so much more for his child. The courts wouldn't even be involved. That just wasnt who he was. He would give the shirt off his damn back (in fact he's given me the hoodie off his back!) but hes turned selfish but now its at the expense of his child... and thats what is very sad.



So he shouldnt be doing the minimum for his child, ESPECIALLY when it comes toward schooling for his child. Its not even the minimum... hes not even doing whats court ordered. Lumens husband is covering his ass and he shouldnt be.

αuτumnαl ~, FL, United States 67703 posts
12th Aug '13
Quoting FroggysMommy:" Okay I really don't get this. I'm going to put both of our situations out there and explain why this ... [snip!] ... Its not even the minimum... hes not even doing whats court ordered. Lumens husband is covering his ass and he shouldnt be."


Then she needs to report her ex for failure to pay CS.

ChristinaLynne 3 kids; Pancake, TX, United States 29724 posts
12th Aug '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting FroggysMommy:</b>" Okay I really don't get this. I'm going to put both of our situations out there and explain why this ... [snip!] ... Its not even the minimum... hes not even doing whats court ordered. Lumens husband is covering his ass and he shouldnt be."</blockquote>




No one anywhere in this thread said that her ex shouldn't be paying his CS. And if its court ordered that he help with school costs then he needs to help to. People answered her with the correct info. Her household income is what they base it off of. And that includes CS whether she receives it or not if its court ordered they can see that. What I think was my biggest issue is that she didn't want to ask her now husband or use his income because he makes too much for them to qualify. Well that's just the way the cookie crumbles. You don't get to use and abuse benefits by picking which information you want to give. It's fraud. I'm sorry her ex is a pos. there is nothing anyone can do but her and that's take him back to court. No one needed nor wanted the sob story about their relationship. It's irrelevant. We got it. Her ex isn't paying but it does not nigate(sp?) for one second that her husband is now equally as responsible and that their household income puts them above the amount to receive assistance.

Good Queen Bess 2 kids; Ontario 46809 posts
12th Aug '13
Quoting FroggysMommy:" Okay I really don't get this. I'm going to put both of our situations out there and explain why this ... [snip!] ... Its not even the minimum... hes not even doing whats court ordered. Lumens husband is covering his ass and he shouldnt be."


If he isn't paying child support, she should take it back to court.



However, anything outside of child support he is not required to pay unless it is written into their court order.



School and medical expenses I understand he should be helping with, but not birthdays, activities and clothing....those expenses fall on which ever parent needs those things.

P3RvYmCp3rv 2 kids; Carlyle, Illinois 11904 posts
12th Aug '13
Quoting FroggysMommy:" Okay I really don't get this. I'm going to put both of our situations out there and explain why this ... [snip!] ... Its not even the minimum... hes not even doing whats court ordered. Lumens husband is covering his ass and he shouldnt be."

how is it her bd's fault that her husband makes too much money....it isn't. this is a fucking idiotic argument.

ChristinaLynne 3 kids; Pancake, TX, United States 29724 posts
12th Aug '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting P3RvYmCp3rv:</b>" how is it her bd's fault that her husband makes too much money....it isn't. this is a fucking idiotic argument."</blockquote>




I agree.



The whole covering his ass is idiotic. He took on the responsibility of her son when he married her.

P3RvYmCp3rv 2 kids; Carlyle, Illinois 11904 posts
12th Aug '13
Quoting ChristinaLynne:" <blockquote><b>Quoting P3RvYmCp3rv:</b>" how is it her bd's fault that her husband ... [snip!] ... I agree. The whole covering his ass is idiotic. He took on the responsibility of her son when he married her."

Right?!?! if I used bd's income as my income I could get the kids into the Christian school here for free, but instead I actually use mine so yea...but they don't go to that school anywys because I refuse to pay 80 bucks a month when they can go 2 more blocks down and go to school for free.

Smash Fins ; 2 kids; Denver, Colorado 1293 posts
13th Aug '13
Quoting P3RvYmCp3rv:" how is it her bd's fault that her husband makes too much money....it isn't. this is a fucking idiotic argument."


If it's so idiotic then stop arguing...



All I wanted to know is if I can use my exs income and not my husbands income because I pay for my son completely because my ex owes me 10k in back child support.




And I am not trying to use any system. My current husband went a year without a job and we didn't once ask for government assistance. We're still trying to catch up on that year so I don't think it's right that my husband should pay for a child that's not his.

ChristinaLynne 3 kids; Pancake, TX, United States 29724 posts
13th Aug '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Lumen.Ash:</b>" If it's so idiotic then stop arguing... All I wanted to know is if I can use my exs income and not ... [snip!] ... We're still trying to catch up on that year so I don't think it's right that my husband should pay for a child that's not his."</blockquote>




Then get divorced because that became his responsibility when he married you. I don't get why that's so hard to grasp. No one said your ex husband shouldn't be paying for him but its also your new husbands responsibility. Your household income is you, your current husband, your child support that is ordered even if you aren't receiving it if its court ordered you must list it. If it means you make too much then you make too much. Take him back to court if you need to.

Smash Fins ; 2 kids; Denver, Colorado 1293 posts
13th Aug '13
Quoting ChristinaLynne:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Lumen.Ash:</b>" If it's so idiotic then stop arguing... ... [snip!] ... court ordered you must list it. If it means you make too much then you make too much. Take him back to court if you need to."


Our agreement when we got married was that I would pay for everything for my son, not him.



Well when I filed the paper work it asked for the PARENTS income... not household so I put in my and my exs income.
Guess I'll have to see what happens.



Thanks for not answering my questions at all.




.

ChristinaLynne 3 kids; Pancake, TX, United States 29724 posts
13th Aug '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Lumen.Ash:</b>" Our agreement when we got married was that I would pay for everything for my son, not him. Well when ... [snip!] ... so I put in my and my exs income. Guess I'll have to see what happens. Thanks for not answering my questions at all. . "</blockquote>




I answered your question a few different times. You didn't like the answer that I or anyone else in here gave you. Instead your friend wanted to come in and give some sob story about your ex and his issues from war which frankly I could care less about. My husband has PTSD from Iraq and still you get no sympathy. Unless you have a court order that talks about how your costs are split (medical and education) he isn't responsible for the payment of it. He's responsible for the ordered child support. You were the idiot who chose to marry someone who wasn't willing to support your child you already had. I feel sorry for your son. How unfair it will be for him compared to his new sibling

P3RvYmCp3rv 2 kids; Carlyle, Illinois 11904 posts
14th Aug '13
Quoting ChristinaLynne:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Lumen.Ash:</b>" If it's so idiotic then stop arguing... ... [snip!] ... court ordered you must list it. If it means you make too much then you make too much. Take him back to court if you need to."


but if it is through your state you can get a thing saying how far behind he is and when the last date it was paid was from. only know that from having to do my daycare shit.