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Wishful thinking. Please Read. ☆Tiffanyyy☆ 1 child; none, FL, United States 464 posts
14th Aug '13

I'm going to try to make this as short as possible!



For those who haven't read my past post, I have a 7 month old son, he's my world. His 'father' hasn't seen him, he was abusive to me, and I left him. It's been over a year since I've seen him, I have child support figured out, he has court for it in September. Well I was talking to my counseler today, she thinks it's a good idea that when he comes up here (from florida, where he's living,) (he has been talking like he's coming up and wanting things to work) well my counseler thinks it's a good idea that he gets a job, goes to domestic violence classes, and he can see bryson whenever he wants, but supervised visitation. After he show's me he's doing better we can meet our in public only, and he can see him. And if he's working, paying his support for our son, and making progress in counseling then we can work on having a relationship. I told (BD) this a little while ago, he was supposed to call me back when he read what I wrote him, he turned his phone off, and won't answer.



Wishful thinking? Too much to ask of him? What do ya'll think?

Summerfrost 51 kids; Massachusetts 6830 posts
14th Aug '13

If he was abusive ... why would you want to get back into a relationship with him? Even if he is the baby's dad.



I would probably start with the important stuff .. like child support .... and then see how it goes from there.

Chef Sarah ♥ Due May 11; 1 child; Hollywood, FL, United States 10428 posts
status 14th Aug '13

Why would you want to get back together with someone that's abusive, first off?

☆Tiffanyyy☆ 1 child; none, FL, United States 464 posts
14th Aug '13

Because I want things to workout, part of me does, if things could be great. I don't believe he would really even do any of those things, but would show me so much if he actually did. You know?



And I agree, i'm curious to see if he even show's up to this hearing.

Chef Sarah ♥ Due May 11; 1 child; Hollywood, FL, United States 10428 posts
status 14th Aug '13
Quoting ☆Tiffanyyy☆:" Because I want things to workout, part of me does, if things could be great. I don't believe he would ... [snip!] ... would show me so much if he actually did. You know? And I agree, i'm curious to see if he even show's up to this hearing. "


Yeah, sounds like wishful thinking. It would be great for him to pay child support, see your kid, not be abusive, etc, but you can't structure your life with the hopes of that happening.

☆Tiffanyyy☆ 1 child; none, FL, United States 464 posts
14th Aug '13

I agree, atleast I'll know if he doesn't bother to do any of these things, then we're better off without him, and I can finally move on.



I need some closure of some sort.
This relationship messed with me emotionally, badd.
I wish I could just go on, and not look bad.
But it seems impossible.

Jenny&Boopy Due June 26; 2 kids; Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania 7409 posts
status 14th Aug '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Summerfrost:</b>" If he was abusive ... why would you want to get back into a relationship with him? Even if he is the ... [snip!] ... baby's dad. I would probably start with the important stuff .. like child support .... and then see how it goes from there. "</blockquote>




This! OP I know it's hard when you're not a family like you probably once thought you would be. But sometimes it's just not meant to be.

☆Tiffanyyy☆ 1 child; none, FL, United States 464 posts
14th Aug '13
Quoting
penispenispenisVAGINA 4 kids; Idaho 7116 posts
14th Aug '13

That's the stupidest thing I've heard. This man beat you and hurt you yet you want him back? Seriously?! Wow........just wow!

Onalee's Mummy Due August 26 (boy); 1 child; Newcastle, Australia 5355 posts
14th Aug '13

I fully support him getting sorted and having visitation.



There's a reason you left. Old habits die hard and the balance o your relationship is never going to be the same.



Time to let go and move on

Jenny&Boopy Due June 26; 2 kids; Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania 7409 posts
status 14th Aug '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting ☆Tiffanyyy☆:</b>" Probably true, i need to forget about all of it. I'm doing so good without him anyways. "</blockquote>



I mean, I'm not trying to rain on your parade. I just know from experience that sometimes it's definitely not worth trying to fix something like that. I would just focus on the child support and see if he complies with counseling and whatnot to get supervised visits. If he can't handle that, then he can't handle being a family.

FroggysMommy 1 child; Golden, Colorado 27489 posts
15th Aug '13
Quoting
SurvivingApril 18 kids; West Virginia 174 posts
17th Aug '13

I would say go on with everything with child support, domestic violence classes or therapy for him, anger management, whatever, and then supervised visits and see from there.
I would allow him to do those things and have no peek into your personal life. Just discuss in a friendly platonic way about your son and that is all. focus your life on you and your son.



It is up to him to foster a relationship with his son, and take the steps necessary to see him on a regular basis. And if you can see that happening for a long time, regular and stable, I would take extreme caution in considering anything more with him than friendly coparenting. Just my opinion.



Don't let him suck you in. You and your son is all you need.