Feel like I'm nothing(Pregnancy and depression) Trey&Genesis'momma Due January 25; 3 kids; 2 angel babies; Somewhere, IN, United States 3466 posts15th Aug
Idk why I thought I could escape this pregnancy without suffering from depression. I was clinically diagnosed 8 years ago with depression and severe anxiety attacks and have suffered PPD with each of my kids. I even suffered bad depression during my last pregnancy and was afraid I would make my baby be still born bc of the stress and not eating or anything. I always think I'm okay till something happens and it sets me back again. Most my depression stems from my horrible relationship with my sister who has hated me from the day I was born. No matter what I do, I'm always the bad person and she shows her disdain for me but treats everyone else fine. It has only gotten worse since I became a mom too. Bc now she goes out of her way and jumps at every chance to make me feel like I'm a horrible mom. I neglected to tell my siblings about my pregnancy this time until recently because I didn't want to deal with all the drama and unnecessary comments that would undoubtedly follow. Since they've found out, they haven't spoken to me which is okay honestly because I'd rather them not talk to me than have to hear their snide comments. However, my mom started in on me last night. Not about the pregnancy but bringing up every single thing that I need to change and the way she said stuff made it seem like she was saying I was a bad mom.(If you knew my mom, you would understand why. She means well but the way she says stuff makes a LOT of people mad) I KNOW I'm not a bad mom inside. I know I have my faults just like anyone and I strive my hardest to change things. But in general my kids are always taken well care of and know they are loved. It's just so hard to feel like I can be happy about this pregnancy or happy about the way I take care of my kids when every time I turn around, I am getting bashed for how I run my house hold. There's a lot more to this but I don't want to get into the whole situation behind my depression on here. It's just that my mom and my sister are a HUGE part in why I suffer through so much depression and never feeling adequate for anyone. I totally had a break down this morning and I know that it has been a long time coming. This was just the tip of the ice berg. It doesn't help matters that I'm constantly being told by my sister, brother and my mom that they think I just fake depression for attention. My dad is the only one who knows that I'm not faking it. It's in my family(my mom and brother were born hospitalized) and my grandpa suffered from manic depression most of his life. So I really don't understand how they thought it was understandable for them to suffer through depression but obviously for me, I'm just faking it all. I don't want attention. I just want to be able to go on with my life and be happy. I know it shouldn't matter what my family thinks but that's to the extent it has gotten to. I have been dragged down so much that it's just not so easy to ignore. :( Pointless post.
user banned 19 kids; Japan 4077 posts15th Aug
I'm so sorry you feel this way. And I'm sorry about your family making things worse. They of all people should be the ones to be there for you. Hang in there and try not to let things get to you. Think of the amazing blessing you are growing inside of you. <3 (hugs) I will keep you in my prayers but I would also definitely bring these feelings up to your doctor.
Trey&Genesis'momma Due January 25; 3 kids; 2 angel babies; Somewhere, IN, United States 3466 posts15th Aug
Quoting ℳizz ℊiz. :" I'm so sorry you feel this way. And I'm sorry about your family making things worse. They of all people ... [snip!] ... inside of you. <3 (hugs) I will keep you in my prayers but I would also definitely bring these feelings up to your doctor."Thank you. I do appreciate the prayers. I'm going to bring it up at my next appt next week. I might have to try depression medicine this time even though I don't really want to bc of the possible dangers.