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fight? user banned
16th Aug '13

(ask for quick advice at the bottom ) or idk what else to call it. rick was VERY passive agressive last week, i called him out on it, he hasnt been since but he hasnt been...anything. he doesnt say i love you, doesnt sound mad or angry but wont talk unless i talk to him, just sounds absent.
i asked him if he was mad he didnt say anything, i asked him if he wanted to talk about it he hesitated, said no. but then hesitated a bit more and said "because i...dont know..."
now like...we are getting married in a month.
THE FUCK you dont know about?



anyway. im giving him some space to figure that shit out, no change yesterday. didnt talk at all.
sooooo....do i send out the invites or not? because i wrote them all up....but i dont want to be sending retraction "marriage canceled" cards lol.

user banned 17 kids; Boston, MA, United States 9473 posts
16th Aug '13

i should also mention he hasnt gotten his passport. idk if hes stalling because the whole marriage thing isnt something he wants to do?
we are planning going out of country for the honeymoon.

Severus Snape 2 kids; Tennessee 3550 posts
16th Aug '13

I'd personally hold off. If you're having doubts that there may even be a wedding at all, I definitely wouldn't send any invites yet.

Nae&Zoe's Mommy 2 kids; 2 angel babies; Red Deer, Alberta 666 posts
16th Aug '13

Please get all your issues out in the open BEFORE you get married.. My SO and I got married and apparently had unresolved issues and now only 7 months after marriage we are going to couples counseling to see if our marriage is even going to work...

user banned 2 kids; Silly, Belgium 6539 posts
16th Aug '13
Quoting Severus Snape:" I'd personally hold off. If you're having doubts that there may even be a wedding at all, I definitely wouldn't send any invites yet. "


:!:



And I would tell him that he needs to talk to you about what's on his mind, not just keep it bottled up. If there are issues, now is the time to work them out.

user banned 17 kids; Boston, MA, United States 9473 posts
16th Aug '13
Quoting Severus Snape:" I'd personally hold off. If you're having doubts that there may even be a wedding at all, I definitely wouldn't send any invites yet. "


well thats the thing, everything was fine until he started acting like a dick last week. there is no reason, hes said he doesnt know.
im not sure how deep it goes for him, kwim?

user banned 17 kids; Boston, MA, United States 9473 posts
16th Aug '13
Quoting Nae&Zoe's Mommy:" Please get all your issues out in the open BEFORE you get married.. My SO and I got married and apparently ... [snip!] ... issues and now only 7 months after marriage we are going to couples counseling to see if our marriage is even going to work..."


this is so random though. we had issues before we got engaged two years ago. he asked me to marry him and i was like, wtf. we talked it out he had me convinced. for two years things have been amazing, and now hes just been pissy for a week, and he wont tell me whats up...im not sure he even knows.
he knows its not right because he has stopped himself from being directly ass-hole.



idk i emailed him asking if i should send out the invites lol. i wont see him until late tonight and i have put invites off long enough.

Severus Snape 2 kids; Tennessee 3550 posts
16th Aug '13
Quoting cunning cuniculi:" well thats the thing, everything was fine until he started acting like a dick last week. there is no reason, hes said he doesnt know. im not sure how deep it goes for him, kwim? "


If it's deep enough that he's not talking to you hardly at all and won't say I love you then yall should not be jumping into a marriage. If there is any unresolved major issues, whether he likes it not, it needs to be talked about now.

user banned 17 kids; Boston, MA, United States 9473 posts
16th Aug '13
Quoting Severus Snape:" If it's deep enough that he's not talking to you hardly at all and won't say I love you then yall should ... [snip!] ... be jumping into a marriage. If there is any unresolved major issues, whether he likes it not, it needs to be talked about now. "


yeahhhh



what a dick though. i mean....seriously.



the fuck, i dont need this now.

iLL-Legal Unicorn Alien 3 kids; New York, TX, United States 37137 posts
16th Aug '13

You have to look at this from different angles, is he getting cold feet? is he just nervous about the wedding? you say he's mad and cold, but it's like he doesn't even know what he's mad about...is he doing this so you will be the one to put a stop to the wedding and not him? or is he truly just nervous...having second thoughts?



There's too many possibilities, and he's a grown man, he can express his feelings, he can talk. It might be hard, but you are his future wife. He owes you that much, to be able to communicate...which communication is like the foundation of a marriage, so if he can't work the concept then I think this whole thing definitely needs a review on your part.

Nae&Zoe's Mommy 2 kids; 2 angel babies; Red Deer, Alberta 666 posts
16th Aug '13
Quoting cunning cuniculi:" this is so random though. we had issues before we got engaged two years ago. he asked me to marry him ... [snip!] ... him asking if i should send out the invites lol. i wont see him until late tonight and i have put invites off long enough. "

I hear ya hun. I never thought anything was wrong. I mean we have our issues but I never thought they were big enough that i should worry about us ending.. We had always got though everything that came our way..

Severus Snape 2 kids; Tennessee 3550 posts
16th Aug '13
Quoting cunning cuniculi:" yeahhhh what a dick though. i mean....seriously. the fuck, i dont need this now. "


It might be cold feet, it might be something more. But you all need to be able to talk about it like adults if you want to get married. Marriage is about communication. If he can't talk to you about his problems, then I'd be reanalyzing if this is the right time. Tell him all this and get him to talk to you.

user banned 17 kids; Boston, MA, United States 9473 posts
16th Aug '13
Quoting iLL-Legal Unicorn Alien:" You have to look at this from different angles, is he getting cold feet? is he just nervous about the ... [snip!] ... foundation of a marriage, so if he can't work the concept then I think this whole thing definitely needs a review on your part."


heh i guess im just glad he stopped being a dick, never thought i was owed more of a responce. i dont want to push anything because if he doesnt get it worked out himself and i keep pushing he might throw whatever unprocessed emotions in my face, which im sure we might both regret.



i have looked from a few different angles, anything from cold feet to maybe im spending too much money, to him being stressed out about having to do something all the way to him thinking about cheating on me. without more feedback its realllly hard to say.
he has done this shit before and recently he said the issues a few years ago were from lack of sex. well im trying and things have been improving so i dont think thats it....

iLL-Legal Unicorn Alien 3 kids; New York, TX, United States 37137 posts
16th Aug '13
Quoting cunning cuniculi:" heh i guess im just glad he stopped being a dick, never thought i was owed more of a responce. i dont ... [snip!] ... the issues a few years ago were from lack of sex. well im trying and things have been improving so i dont think thats it...."

That's the thing though...in a marriage, sometimes even though you want to not talk about it...you do. Because it's not all about you as an individual, it's about about you both. He has every right to take time to himself, but he can't just leave you hanging like this. Under these circumstances, so close to such an important day. It's a two way street, it shouldn't be a guessing game.

user banned 17 kids; Boston, MA, United States 9473 posts
16th Aug '13
Quoting iLL-Legal Unicorn Alien:" That's the thing though...in a marriage, sometimes even though you want to not talk about it...you do. ... [snip!] ... this. Under these circumstances, so close to such an important day. It's a two way street, it shouldn't be a guessing game."


most definitely agree. hopefully he gets it figured out. ill talk to him tonight because he doesnt work tomorrow, thats another thing i dont want to make him upset right before bed because he gets up so early to go to work.



better be something small. after everything with this damn wedding, he better not back out. definitely better now than a year or so from now, but yeah.