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I think.. ERMAGHERD BEEDS! 17 kids; Philadelphia, Pennsylvania 4099 posts
18th Aug '13

It might be time to end my relationship with So. By in large he is a fantastic guy, he works hard to provide for us and is very good with the kids, most days, and has stood by me through a lot.



But lately he has been emotionally abusive, he criticizes everything I do, gets angry at the drop of a hat, and keeps threatening to take DD from me, or to kick me out of the house.



Sometimes he gives me glib apologies afterwards, but follows every apology with an attack. It really affects my sense of self worth in the moment. In general I feel really good about where I am in life. I'm an excellent mother/step mother, I keep te house clean, I'm starting school soon and have taken out loans to help cover bills for the next two years.



But in the moment I feel like garbage. SO has seen me through some rough times, including the beginning of my recovery from drug addiction and a deep depression that followed. So I'm often questioning if everything that's going on really is my fault and I just don't see it. But I can't figure it out.



I'm on my last leg, I self harmed tonight and really regret it. I've done it several times recently, and it's been years since I "quit"... And I really don't feel like giving up at all, or even badly, except for when we're fighting.
My last try for this relationship is going to be putting everything I have into ignoring him when he's being a d**k, just walking away and at most saying "I don't want to/deserve to be talked to/yelled at like this"...



But even with that, he needs to get some help. I'm not goin to put up with this forever.

MahmuhMahmuh 3 kids; Wichita, Kansas 6706 posts
18th Aug '13

Stand your ground and do what is best for you and your child, it sounds like you have changed and grown a lot throughout your relationship, that often makes it hard to relate to one another, have you talked to him about things from your perspective?

lolajessup 3 kids; 1 angel baby; Beaverton, Michigan 44076 posts
18th Aug '13

I think you should talk to him first. Is he under a lot of stress or could he be depressed?

ERMAGHERD BEEDS! 17 kids; Philadelphia, Pennsylvania 4099 posts
18th Aug '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting MahmuhMahmuh:</b>" Stand your ground and do what is best for you and your child, it sounds like you have changed and grown ... [snip!] ... relationship, that often makes it hard to relate to one another, have you talked to him about things from your perspective?"</blockquote>




Yeah, and sometimes he see's my point, and apologizes and we move on. But then he goes back and freaks out about it again later. Also, when he apologizes he starts to get upset; and usually ends up taking his apology back



For example, before i posted this I calmly spoke to him about threatening to take DD from me if I leave. And he said he saw my point, and apologized. And I told him it makes it hard to communicate when he says things like that. And he said "we'll you make it hard to communicate all the time, day in and day out, by saying shit out your mouth"



And I said "I make it impossible to communicate all the time?"



And then I calmly said "I don't want to be talked to like this" and walked away.



No fight, but no resolution either

Regina George ♡ 1 child; New York, New York 20836 posts
18th Aug '13

I think you should talk things out first, could anything be bothering him? Stressing him out?
Not that it makes it ok for him to emotionally abuse you in anyway!

ERMAGHERD BEEDS! 17 kids; Philadelphia, Pennsylvania 4099 posts
18th Aug '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Intrepid Detective Munch:</b>" I think you should talk to him first. Is he under a lot of stress or could he be depressed?"</blockquote>




I have talked to him. I'm not like packing up and leaving tomorrow or anything, but it's just getting to be too much

Regina George ♡ 1 child; New York, New York 20836 posts
18th Aug '13
Quoting ERMAGHERD BEEDS!:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Intrepid Detective Munch:</b>" I think you should talk to him ... [snip!] ... I have talked to him. I'm not like packing up and leaving tomorrow or anything, but it's just getting to be too much"


Could you stay somewhere? Maybe let things cool down, catch a break for a few days from each other?

ERMAGHERD BEEDS! 17 kids; Philadelphia, Pennsylvania 4099 posts
18th Aug '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Regina George ♡:</b>" I think you should talk things out first, could anything be bothering him? Stressing him out? Not that it makes it ok for him to emotionally abuse you in anyway! "</blockquote>




When he told me to get the f**k out of his house for the first time, I very seriously told him a few days later when DSD and DSS weren't here that he can't make threats like that, and it makes me uncomfortable/ I asked him then what I could do to help, and have since done it.(financial stuff, we were short of money, I cashed some savings bonds)



But honestly, I think that me absolutely refusing to engage or even stand and be talked down to or insulted will do wonders for our relationship

ERMAGHERD BEEDS! 17 kids; Philadelphia, Pennsylvania 4099 posts
18th Aug '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Regina George ♡:</b>" Could you stay somewhere? Maybe let things cool down, catch a break for a few days from each other? "</blockquote>




My dad actually offered to let me stay there, but I am responsible for all three kids during the day and wouldn't want to leave DSD and DSS stranded. I'm planning on going to my dads over the weekend though

Regina George ♡ 1 child; New York, New York 20836 posts
18th Aug '13
Quoting ERMAGHERD BEEDS!:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Regina George ♡:</b>" Could you stay somewhere? Maybe ... [snip!] ... kids during the day and wouldn't want to leave DSD and DSS stranded. I'm planning on going to my dads over the weekend though"


You should! While also showing you wont stand for his abuse, I'm sorry he caused you to self harm :(

ERMAGHERD BEEDS! 17 kids; Philadelphia, Pennsylvania 4099 posts
18th Aug '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Regina George ♡:</b>" You should! While also showing you wont stand for his abuse, I'm sorry he caused you to self harm :( "</blockquote>




Thank you. He may have been the catalyst, but the awful decision to self harm was mine.
I need to not do that, no matter what. It was stupid.



Thanks ladies! Going to bed, goodnight!