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Depression from chronic illness? *long plz read* Peyton'sMommy♥ 1 child; Springfield, Ohio 16811 posts
19th Aug '13

I think that I may need surgery on the sliding hiatel hernia I have. In the beginning of July I had a EGD that is when they saw it and they saw what may be Barrett's Esophagus. I forgot to make a follow up appt with him directly after it so I got these results from my primary dr but I DO have an appt the 27th.



I am experiencing extreme symptoms (I think) I can longer vomit, I dry heave and then feel like I am choking on something which just means my stomach is in my esophagus so I can't puke, I've had feelings of being suffocated when laying down, nausea, abdominal pain, and heartburn. I thought these symptoms were due to my pancreas issues but they are not. I'm scared, I have a 2 year old and I am terrified of having surgery again... However, if it will make me feel semi-normal again I am ready to do so.



I've been experiencing the pain, vomiting, nausea off and on for the past 4 months or so and I am just not used to it. I am used to having flares of pancreatitis every year...my pancreas kind of spoiled me. I will see what the GI has to say. I am really just in a bad place right now emotionally as well, I am really getting set off by everything--I mean everything's making me cry and making me upset, my sleeping schedule is off, I'm eating when I shouldn't but I am an emotional eater.. I don't know what to do. I've never been this emotionally exhausted... if I didn't know better and wasn't tested I would think I was pregnant with how emotional I've been.



I know that some depression is normal and with health issues like I have I know that it's common but I am so emotionally exhausted and just don't know how to fix any of it. I feel like my health takes one step forward and two steps back, my diabetes is finally getting better and now the esophagus issue and the sliding hiatel hernia is just more. I mean I feel like I am 90. I am taking my anger and sadness out on others and I know it's not okay. I mean my son earlier did something bad and I just snapped at him... he's 2. He doesn't understand that mommy doesn't feel well.



Ugh sorry for the long post. Just wanted some support something. Anything. I really just need people to talk to because I feel so alone friend-wise. I live with my parents an hour away from all my friends, I've never been this far away and I just could use someone telling me that it won't always be like this.

Dr. Elliot Reid ; 1 child; New Zealand 8934 posts
19th Aug '13

It wont always be like this. Have you mentioned any of how you are feeling to your Dr? Sounds like counselling or meds could really be helpful for you, you absolutely do not deserve to feel the way you do *hugs*

Peyton'sMommy♥ 1 child; Springfield, Ohio 16811 posts
19th Aug '13
Quoting Elliot Reid:" It wont always be like this. Have you mentioned any of how you are feeling to your Dr? Sounds like counselling ... [snip!] ... Sounds like counselling or meds could really be helpful for you, you absolutely do not deserve to feel the way you do *hugs*"

I know right now it just feels like I am drowning pretty much. I will be talking to the doctor. I just wasn't sure but all the symptoms do point to depression... right?

[Gryffinwhore♥] 3 kids; Poulsbo, Washington 32885 posts
status 19th Aug '13

It definitely sounds like you need to talk to someone. Depression can be different for everyone.



When depression hits, I run on auto-pilot. I'm here but not really "here". KWIM? I want to sleep all day. I shut myself away from other people. I just feel.. blah. Doing anything other than laying in bed is exhausting for me.



Talking with a therapist on top of some medication will probably do a world of good for you. There's no shame in it whatsoever. Ultimately you will feel better and you'll be able to be YOU again.

Peyton'sMommy♥ 1 child; Springfield, Ohio 16811 posts
19th Aug '13
Quoting [Gryffinwhore♥]:" It definitely sounds like you need to talk to someone. Depression can be different for everyone. When ... [snip!] ... world of good for you. There's no shame in it whatsoever. Ultimately you will feel better and you'll be able to be YOU again. "

That's EXACTLY how I feel. I sleep all day stay up all night till like 6am then sleep all day. I don't want to do much of anything especially homework which I NEED to do.

[Gryffinwhore♥] 3 kids; Poulsbo, Washington 32885 posts
status 19th Aug '13
Quoting Peyton'sMommy♥:" That's EXACTLY how I feel. I sleep all day stay up all night till like 6am then sleep all day. I don't want to do much of anything especially homework which I NEED to do."


I'm doing better now, but when it was at it's worst, I would come home from work at 2:30 in the afternoon and sleep for 5 or 6 hours. And then sleep all night.



I promise, it does get better. I know right now it feels kind of hopeless. Asking for help is the first step and the hardest. You don't want to admit that you need it. But in the long run you will be so thankful you did. Nobody should have to go through it alone. <3

Peyton'sMommy♥ 1 child; Springfield, Ohio 16811 posts
19th Aug '13
Quoting [Gryffinwhore♥]:" I'm doing better now, but when it was at it's worst, I would come home from work at 2:30 in the afternoon ... [snip!] ... admit that you need it. But in the long run you will be so thankful you did. Nobody should have to go through it alone. <3"


I know I don't know though I feel weak for asking for help. I know that's odd.

[Gryffinwhore♥] 3 kids; Poulsbo, Washington 32885 posts
status 19th Aug '13
Quoting Peyton'sMommy♥:" I know I don't know though I feel weak for asking for help. I know that's odd."


It's not odd at all. Society has a negative view of depression, shit, just mental health issues in general. It's not your fault. It's not something you can just "snap out of". It's real and it can be debilitating.



I think the fact that you're a mother makes it worse. We feel like we should be strong all the time, for our kids. It's not possible, though! Getting help is the best possible thing you can do for your LO. Strong you = strong momma. :)

Peyton'sMommy♥ 1 child; Springfield, Ohio 16811 posts
19th Aug '13
Quoting [Gryffinwhore♥]:" It's not odd at all. Society has a negative view of depression, shit, just mental health issues in general. ... [snip!] ... kids. It's not possible, though! Getting help is the best possible thing you can do for your LO. Strong you = strong momma. :) "

Thank you! I mostly feel bad for not being completely well for Pey. I know it's not my fault but still

[Gryffinwhore♥] 3 kids; Poulsbo, Washington 32885 posts
status 19th Aug '13
Quoting Peyton'sMommy♥:" Thank you! I mostly feel bad for not being completely well for Pey. I know it's not my fault but still"


You're welcome!



If you ever need to talk about anything, just shoot me a PM. I'm not an expert by any means but I have struggled with depression since my daughter was a baby.

Peyton'sMommy♥ 1 child; Springfield, Ohio 16811 posts
20th Aug '13
Quoting [Gryffinwhore♥]:" You're welcome! If you ever need to talk about anything, just shoot me a PM. I'm not an expert by any means but I have struggled with depression since my daughter was a baby. "

Thanks, it's really hard for me to speak up about these kind of things so posting here really helped.

user banned 3 kids; Washington 15083 posts
20th Aug '13

Hey Amanda. First off *a squeeze*



I'm sorry your health is not well right now. You're going to pull through this and this will all be a memory. I know life circumstances suck sometimes. And depression is a very real thing. Can you take meds or are you trying to take a natural approach? I was medicated for a long time and I found it very helpful to get through the rough spot and feeling mostly normal. It takes time but it will happen!



Peyton knows you love him and he's okay. I know you take good care of him and he is surrounded by other family who loved him too.



As for the emotional eating- I do that too. Trying to break the habit. It is so hard!

Peyton'sMommy♥ 1 child; Springfield, Ohio 16811 posts
20th Aug '13
Quoting ♫ boobook ♫:" Hey Amanda. First off *a squeeze* I'm sorry your health is not well right now. You're going to pull ... [snip!] ... by other family who loved him too. As for the emotional eating- I do that too. Trying to break the habit. It is so hard!"


I am just worried about taking so much meds because I already take them I don't want to be numb to the world.
As for everything else, it's just rough :/