"You'll Regret It" user banned
20th Aug '13

I'll take any and all opinions on this subject. Just say whatever you feel like, I'm kind of numb to it at the moment.

I'm getting ready to schedule my C-Section this week or the next. Because of a high risk pregnancy and issues with my last delivery, it sounds like they won't let me go past 39 weeks. I'm going to push it as far as I can, doctors.

A lot of you may know from my previous posts that I'm adopting this baby out.

This is NOT a comment on what women should or should not do once they consider adoption or abortion. If you go through the pain of either of those processes and then decide to commit to a family later in life, YOU DESERVE THAT. Does everyone get that? There is NEVER a bad reason to want to bring the love of a child into your home no matter WHAT you've done in the past.

However, for me, I don't know if I could bear the idea of having a child, placing one in a home, and then years later, having another child.

I'm not naive enough to say that I'm going to be with the man I'm with for the rest of my life, but I do love him and I do have a strong relationship with him. We've talked about it and he's supporting my decision to get a tubal ligation.

The few people IRL I've told have completely lost their shit at me. "You're only 22! What if you change your mind!?"

So what if I change my mind? So what if I have regrets? I already do. I've already doomed myself to a life of pain and what ifs.

I have a beautiful baby girl. She's perfectly healthy in every way and barring some major incident I have every hope that I'll see her grow into a wonderful young woman. I plan on taking this opportunity to completely devote my life to her and make her the best person that she can possibly be with all of the love and support she could ever hope for.

So if I want another baby what? Who cares? Me? I'm in this situation because of "me". I'm tired of worrying about "me". I'm ready to start worrying about everyone else, and I feel that I need to get this procedure done.

I can't get pregnant again. I couldn't live through carrying a baby in a place where another was ripped out of me and placed in another woman's arms.

This is just a vent..rant, Idk. I just needed it out. And for whatever reason I need to have people tell me the truth of what they think of it.

Thanks for reading.

Redneck Mamma North Carolina 8746 posts
20th Aug '13

Your decision. If regrets do come up you are the one that has to live with them no one else. Do what you feel you need to do and f**k everyone else.

.Enigma. clusterfuck, LA, Sri Lanka 107051 posts
status 20th Aug '13

I just want to wish you the best of luck

user banned 21 kids; North Dakota 3800 posts
20th Aug '13

It's your decision. I used to not understand moms who already had kids and gave up subsequent kids. Like, if you already have kids what's another one, KWIM? And then I was put in a position like that and well, I don't judge either decision now. I'm sorry you're going through this and I'm sure a million people have told you it but...I think it takes a very strong, selfless person to be able to do this.

castaway 2 kids; Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania 18946 posts
20th Aug '13

You are very young and going through a LOT.

who knows where you will be in a decade. You may think you will know how you'll feel, but you'll be a different person by then.

I just turned 30 and I would have never imagined my life would be as it is now, when I was 22.

I think it's understandable for you to feel to strongly, but I do think that there are other, less permanent ways that won't be so future altering.

Bangarang 10 kids; Muthafuckin, GA, United States 26615 posts
20th Aug '13

I think you know more than anybody what is best for you, your body and your family. I think if I was in your situation, I'd do the same thing. I placed before having other kids and plan on having a family someday, so I didn't opt for that. But if you know in your heart that you just want your daughter and that you cannot deal with pregnancy again, then feel strong in your decision. Your body, your choice. Good luck with the surgery! I hope your physical and emotional healing go well and if you need to vent about the adoption, I'm on here.

Amelia [a Mom] 1 child; 4 angel babies; Tallahassee, Florida 15299 posts
20th Aug '13

You've got to do what's best for you. If for some reason you do change your mind after your tubal ligation someday, there is still IVF. Good luck.

Ronnie RadKat 4 kids; Arizona 22034 posts
20th Aug '13

I feel like right now you are making such an emotional decision and becsuse of that you probably should wait awhile before making another. Why not get a long term bc in the mean time and give yourself some time before making that decision?

laura+3.0 2 kids; 1 angel baby; Texas 14725 posts
20th Aug '13

Good luck, darling. You have to do what you believe is best.

Photo Assassin 67 kids; Louisville, Kentucky 1666 posts
20th Aug '13

OK--my situation is different, because I kept DD. But I was with you on the part of getting a tubal once she was born, and I was 25.

I had a one night stand, and got pregnant. I wasn't involved with her father, but the thought of giving her up made me sick. I was also terminally ill with liver disease, so I figured, (selfish, I know), that I would be the best mom I could for however long I could. I had adoption papers drawn for when, my demise happened, where she would go.

Since every doctor wanted me to abort her while I was pregnant, because I couldn't do my treatments, I pretty much chalked up the fact this was my ONLY chance.

So, I had her. Thankfully, I was able to continue my treatments, and have gotten A LOT better. But my mother talked me out of the tubal, because I was single.

I didn't want another pregnancy to interfere with ME getting better. But--the thought that I COULDN'T have a child with a husband (I didn't have yet), had me thinking.

It took me and DH 4 years to get pregnant with our son, and there were times where it was touch and go with my own health, and we even talked about, "is this even worth it?"

I can't tell you how you're going to feel when you do find a husband (if you ever do). Or that you're going to regret this when you do want to have a child with that man. Becuase, it honestly sounds like you won't.

Though--22 is young. I know since they're there, its easier to go ahead with the procedure, but it can still be something that you can do later. Tubals are also reversible, so its not like you COULDN'T change your mind if you really want a child with your husband.

lunch lady 2 kids; Tennessee 2123 posts
20th Aug '13

You will feel whatever you feel and that is ok. Don't let anyone try to make you feel one way or the other. You are doing a wonderful thing for another family, hold on to that. I can't imagine going through what you've been through and what lies ahead of you. And as far as possibly wanting another baby in the future, you could always try adoption as well. Maybe a full circle type of thing? Anyways, I wish you the best. Stay strong, keep your head up, and just push forward.

mom of three 3 kids; Missouri 5290 posts
20th Aug '13

like you said, you MIGHT regret it... but we all have regrets anyway. And personally I think regretting not having more kids might be easier than dealing with giving another one away. Its no one elses business anyway since its your body. If you really think that its what you should do, then do it. Dont listen to what other people think. Good luck!! And you are a strong person!

Mama2(three)Boys ♥ Due August 29 (boy); 2 kids; New Jersey 8649 posts
status 20th Aug '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting redneck mamma:</b>" Your decision. If regrets do come up you are the one that has to live with them no one else. Do what you feel you need to do and f**k everyone else."</blockquote>

This. I wish you the best! *Hugs*

user banned 33 kids; Blytheville, Arkansas 7534 posts
20th Aug '13

Thank you everyone. I'm a little too overwhelmed at the comments to really know what to say right now. I really appreciate everyone's honesty. Everyone's been trying so hard to put on a brave face and be supportive for me, and while I do appreciate that and prefer it over not having support, I've been starving for some truthfulness.

I will say this though. I've gotten pregnant with both of my successful pregnancies while being on some kind of birth control. I am literally terrified of getting pregnant again, which is why I'm leaning towards something permanent.

castaway 2 kids; Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania 18946 posts
20th Aug '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting The Andromeda Strain:</b>" Thank you everyone. I'm a little too overwhelmed at the comments to really know what to say right now. ... [snip!] ... of birth control. I am literally terrified of getting pregnant again, which is why I'm leaning towards something permanent. "</blockquote>

Has your SO considered something permanent? It's more easily reversed, and you've been through a lot. Maybe he can carry some of the burden.