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Well, that really sucked. Mrs. Potato Dick Madagascar 20356 posts
22nd Aug

So, my son's friend decided to take it upon himself to tell my son he was adopted. When my son asked what "adopted" meant, my heart immediately dropped. I asked where he heard that from. He told me that his friend, B, told his other friend, G, that DS is adopted. I guess the other friend asked his mom why DS and I look so different. His mom told him that DS was adopted.



We haven't had that "talk" yet about it and I don't feel like it's the right time. DS dropped it and I hope it doesn't come back up until I feel like it's the right time.



That was so terrible :cry:

jazzzzz* 2 kids; Beverly Hills, California 7558 posts
22nd Aug

Oh wow :( that little boy is a jerk.

☮Sugar Magnolia 1 child; Indiana 18293 posts
22nd Aug

:( That's horrible.




Also if I'm crossing a line just ignore me. But I've always wanted to ask someone who's actually done it, why do you hide that he's adopted?

~Mommy2NuNu~ 17 kids; 福井市, Japan 1511 posts
22nd Aug

Wow that's terrible I would be nicely speaking with the mother explaining that was out of line and not her place

Turtley Mikey Due October 31; 2 kids; California 50611 posts
22nd Aug

WTF, man.



I'm very sorry to hear that, Brittany. That's very sad. :(

Nae&Zoe's Mommy 2 kids; 2 angel babies; Red Deer, Alberta 624 posts
22nd Aug

Aww that broke my heart to read that!!

Dirt Road Scholar Due January 20; 1 child; Lake Cormorant, Mississippi 308 posts
22nd Aug
Quoting jazzzzz*:" Oh wow :( that little boy is a jerk."


:!:
I would kind of blame that little boys mama for this situation. Who is she to disclose that information to a child. The easy answer to his question very well could have been "that's just how they were made. Not everyone looks just like their parents"

Iyahna :^P Temecula, California 11367 posts
status 22nd Aug

That boys mom is wrong on so many levels.That's your responsibility to tell him not a stranger.I would be devastated.As much i want to blame the boy he is a little boy you know..

Addi's Momma TTC since Jul 2012; 1 child; 1 angel baby; Florissant, Missouri 4972 posts
22nd Aug

Quoting ☮Sugar Magnolia:" :( That's horrible. Also if I'm crossing a line just ignore me. But I've always wanted to ask someone who's actually done it, why do you hide that he's adopted?



I know a guy who adopted his wife's kid. they never plan on telling him because the husband was adopted and he was cruel to his parents. He would say things like he hated them and they aren't his real parents. That he wanted to go find his real family and live with them. It crushed them.

penispenispenisVAGINA 4 kids; Idaho 6992 posts
22nd Aug

I would be having a serious talk with that little boys mother and telling her that it's not her place to tell her kid ANYTHING about your child!! It's YOUR place as his mother to tell your child when you see fit if and when that does occur. She needs to keep her fat trap shut!

Sophia's Mommy♥ 1 child; Hollywood, Florida 10160 posts
22nd Aug

:(



I would probably talk to the mother but I don't think I'd be too mad with her. It's not like she knew your son would ask you about it, you know? She was just answering her child's question like any (most?) parent would. But, she should have told her child that it was a personal thing and he shouldn't discuss it with anyone else because it's nobody's business but your family's.



How old is your son? I honestly don't know what I'd do in that situation. If I would tell him now or wait until he brings it up again.

FroggysMommy 1 child; Golden, Colorado 26125 posts
22nd Aug

It was very wrong for him to be told like that... but I would urge you to have the conversation now before he feels resentment for not being told. I have a friend that was told later in life and wow, that boy has EXTREME issues regarding kids and adoption because of it.



My Mom is adopted as is all her brothers and sisters and I forget at times my grandparents arent blood related. I say "Doesnt Lils look like grandma? Wait.... oh yeah." We always knew but we were so close that it never was an issue. Adoption was a wonderful addition to our family. My sister put a child up for adoption and her child doesnt want to meet her and we dont take offense to that, we are GLAD she is so happy with her family.



I think an ongoing conversation is a good thing and will lessen resentment or any bad feelings from being adopted.

Mrs. Potato Dick Madagascar 20356 posts
22nd Aug
Quoting ☮Sugar Magnolia:" :( That's horrible. Also if I'm crossing a line just ignore me. But I've always wanted to ask someone who's actually done it, why do you hide that he's adopted?"


You're not crossing a line :)



I'm genuinely afraid of what his reaction will be. It's such a touchy subject and I'm just... scared. I don't want him to think that I'm less of his mom after he knows the truth. Plus, it's extremely selfish, but I'm afraid to hear all of the questions. DH's ex wife and I had some serious issues and his questions will just bring up bad stuff. And knowing my son and knowing how incessant ALL of his questions are... it would be rough. LOL. AND... I'm afraid he'll want to meet her and have a relationship with her after she decided to just drop out of his life. I'm afraid either it would happen or she would say f**k you and not bother.



It's just a lot of stuff.

Mrs. Potato Dick Madagascar 20356 posts
22nd Aug
Quoting penispenispenisVAGINA:" I would be having a serious talk with that little boys mother and telling her that it's not her place ... [snip!] ... YOUR place as his mother to tell your child when you see fit if and when that does occur. She needs to keep her fat trap shut!"


I talked to her about it and she apologized over and over again. She felt so bad because they had the conversation so long ago and she didn't figure he'd go run his mouth about it.

Mrs. Potato Dick Madagascar 20356 posts
22nd Aug
Quoting FroggysMommy:" It was very wrong for him to be told like that... but I would urge you to have the conversation now before ... [snip!] ... family. I think an ongoing conversation is a good thing and will lessen resentment or any bad feelings from being adopted."


I agree. It's just hard, ya know? :( I don't even know how to go about it.



It's weird/awesome to me that DS has NEVER questioned why mommy and his sister are brown while he's completely Asian looking. My mom is quite dark and she's just grandma to him. He doesn't see color... and I love that.