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♥ Amber ♡ Due August 13 (boy); 1 child; Kansas 18761 posts
2nd Sep '13

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Yurvette [♥] 2 kids; 1 angel baby; Hyrule Castle, LZ, San Marino 36477 posts
2nd Sep '13

f**k that. Don't get butterflies. You don't need that shit Amber. You are better than that. He was horrible to you.

Amber ♡ Due August 13 (boy); 1 child; Kansas 18761 posts
2nd Sep '13
Quoting Yurvette [♥]:" f**k that. Don't get butterflies. You don't need that shit Amber. You are better than that. He was horrible to you."


It's hard not too! He wasn't always the best to me at all, I completely agree.



Although with this intense treatment I hope he changes for the better. I know how good of a person he CAN be, he just has to be sober to be that person. We're also going to be doing family counseling starting next month. Not to necessarily "work things out" as a couple, just to be able to get along in general at least for MJ. People can change and I guess that's what I'm hoping for. Like I said, I'm not going to hold my breathe and be completely depressed if we don't get to work things out, but it'd be nice is all.

lacTAYtor. ☮ 3 kids; North Carolina 4496 posts
2nd Sep '13

I think the best thing for you and your DD is something that you said: be single. Focus on you and your daughter. Not your current SO or your BD. It sounds like you'll be better off without either of them.

user banned 3 kids; Washington 15083 posts
2nd Sep '13

From what I read you have a plan focusing on yourself and your daughter. It really sounds like SO is not the one who has your heart. I'm not sure how long you plan on staying around. And the felony stuff is on both men, so if it really is your future you're thinking about neither of them are good in that dept. and BD doesn't seem like a good man either. I think your plan on focusing on you is a good one. Don't sell yourself short.

Amber ♡ Due August 13 (boy); 1 child; Kansas 18761 posts
2nd Sep '13
Quoting lacTAYtor. ☮:" I think the best thing for you and your DD is something that you said: be single. Focus on you and your ... [snip!] ... Focus on you and your daughter. Not your current SO or your BD. It sounds like you'll be better off without either of them."


I agree. I'm also a person who has a very hard time being alone. So it's going to be rough, but I need to do it. I need to learn how to be alone and be okay with it.

Amber ♡ Due August 13 (boy); 1 child; Kansas 18761 posts
2nd Sep '13
Quoting ♫ boobook ♫:" From what I read you have a plan focusing on yourself and your daughter. It really sounds like SO is ... [snip!] ... and BD doesn't seem like a good man either. I think your plan on focusing on you is a good one. Don't sell yourself short."


I don't think SO is the one for me either. I sure thought he was for awhile, but as time goes on I'm seeing he isn't. BD doesn't have any felony, his are all misdemeanors. Which aren't good either, but a lot better than felonies.



I'm not sure how long I plan to stay with SO. Like I said, me not having a car is one thing that's really had me keep him around as long as I have. I could buy a car within like a month, but I'm thinking of just saving until SO leaves to do his time so that way I even have more money for a better car. I'd like to have as much time/money to buy a better car. I'm not in "danger" with SO around, I'm just not happy. I think I could suck it up for a few more months until he goes away for me to have more money for a car. As bad as that sounds......

user banned Due November 26; 1 child; Parkersburg, West Virginia 9548 posts
2nd Sep '13

bd needs to be sober for 12 months and on his feet b4 he considers a relationship. you need some time alone i think even though i hate being alone too. you need to find out why you are attracting guys with substance issues bc you deserve better than that

user banned 3 kids; Washington 15083 posts
2nd Sep '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Amber ♡:</b>" I don't think SO is the one for me either. I sure thought he was for awhile, but as time goes on I'm ... [snip!] ... I could suck it up for a few more months until he goes away for me to have more money for a car. As bad as that sounds...... "</blockquote>




If he knows you're not going to wait around is okay with that, then I would say sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.

Amber ♡ Due August 13 (boy); 1 child; Kansas 18761 posts
2nd Sep '13
Quoting Mother of Dragons:" bd needs to be sober for 12 months and on his feet b4 he considers a relationship. you need some time ... [snip!] ... i hate being alone too. you need to find out why you are attracting guys with substance issues bc you deserve better than that"


Well he's already been sober for 4 months and he still has to do 10 more months in treatment. Although, the real test is when he gets out. He's locked down right now, he cannot leave, he cannot call anyone he wants (they have to be on a list and have a back ground check done), he cannot do ANYTHING. He's completely locked down. So when he gets out, he'll have access to a car, money, a phone, and his old friends. THAT is what scares me and that's also why I don't just want to JUMP into anything. I know he can relapse at anytime. I've been through rehab and all that good jazz, too.



When I met BD, I was using too. He's in rehab right now for that nasty K2 shit. I was drinking, smoking K2 and weed, and popping pills. I was pregnant 3 months later after meeting BD. I stopped smoking, drinking and doing pills. Now after I've had DD, I smoke weed and very rarely drink. I don't mind if BD/SO want to drink/smoke but it's when it starts affecting your life is when it becomes and issue for me.

Amber ♡ Due August 13 (boy); 1 child; Kansas 18761 posts
2nd Sep '13
Quoting ♫ boobook ♫:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Amber ♡:</b>" I don't think SO is the one for me either. ... [snip!] ... If he knows you're not going to wait around is okay with that, then I would say sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do."


When he first got into this trouble, we were doing good. I told him I was going to wait. But actually just last week I told him I was unsure. So it's not like I'm leading him on making him think I'm for sure, without a doubt waiting for him.



So ya, I feel I just gotta do what I gotta do. I just feel bad, like I'm kinda using him in a way. :oops: I've considered allll my options (car wise) and I don't have any other options but this...

Adri♥Ava 18 kids; New York 7450 posts
2nd Sep '13

Deleted since everyone in here remembers everything you say and bring it up to use against you lol

lacTAYtor. ☮ 3 kids; North Carolina 4496 posts
2nd Sep '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Amber ♡:</b>" I agree. I'm also a person who has a very hard time being alone. So it's going to be rough, but I need to do it. I need to learn how to be alone and be okay with it. "</blockquote>




I understand. It gets easier though, I promise. And you never know...in a year, or however long, you may meet someone completely new that's perfect for you and your DD.



I don't know the whole story with you and your BD, but I know a lot of the times, we block out all of the "bad" things about them and just reminisce about all of the good memories and such. Who knows? He may have really changed into this amazing guy, but I would give it a LOT of time before jumping back into something with him.

Amber ♡ Due August 13 (boy); 1 child; Kansas 18761 posts
2nd Sep '13
Quoting Adri♥Ava:" I don't really have much advice but my bd is a great dad provides for us no criminal record but we do ... [snip!] ... rent and such is nearly impossible meaning I have to stay here until I save up its really depressing . I suggest staying single"


Sorry you're going through that. Maybe you two should do counseling? If you're for sure wanting to leave, you could look into income based housing or section 8.



That being said, every situation is different. I think my plan is to just stay single once SO leaves and just go with the flow. If BD is really changed and proves to me how good he can do, then I'll give it another shot. But it's definitely not something I'm just going to dive into. It'll take months to officially "be together" if he does make the changes he needs to, even after he gets out of the place he's at.

☮Sugar Magnolia 1 child; Indiana 18298 posts
2nd Sep '13

My main thing is the fact that your BD choked you and had hit you other times yes?



Doesn't it scare you to think he's capable of that? Do you really want to subject your daughter to that again? Especially now that she can understand a lot more?



Chances are if things got physical before, it'll never change. Being single is your best bet.