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I'm not sure what to do saageex3 1 child; New York 5798 posts
9th Sep '13

Lately I'm extremely unhappy in my relationship. SO is an amazing guy, but of course he has his flaws. He is great 95% of the time though. He works super hard for me and DD and he loves us unconditionally. I just feel like our life is a big bore though. We are polar opposites. I like adventurous things, I like nature, I love helping people, scary movies, taking DD places etc.
SO hates scary movies, hates any type of theme park like 6 flags, Hershey park etc. He thinks DD is too small to remember so why bother taking her out everywhere and most importantly, he's extremely negative about other people. This includes how they dress, act, live, look, career choices... Anything. Other than these issues, he is an incredibly great dad and fianc

ℕightingale 1 child; Mississippi 8343 posts
9th Sep '13

Counseling maybe?

saageex3 1 child; New York 5798 posts
9th Sep '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting ℕightingale:</b>" Counseling maybe?"</blockquote>




He works such impossible hours to work anything around. 11am-11pm doesn't get home till around 3am.

Pinkman 1 child; San Diego, CA, United States 5982 posts
9th Sep '13

I'm sorry :cry:



I think you have to ask yourself if you even really want to try anymore.

ℕightingale 1 child; Mississippi 8343 posts
9th Sep '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting saageex3:</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting ℕightingale:</b>" Counseling maybe?"</blockquote> ... [snip!] ... He works such impossible hours to work anything around. 11am-11pm doesn't get home till around 3am."</blockquote>




He doesn't have days off?

saageex3 1 child; New York 5798 posts
9th Sep '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting ℕightingale:</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting saageex3:</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting ℕightingale:</b>" ... [snip!] ... hours to work anything around. 11am-11pm doesn't get home till around 3am."</blockquote> He doesn't have days off?"</blockquote>




He only has Sundays off

1inpink2inblue Switzerland 11961 posts
9th Sep '13

No offense but did you really expect to feel in love forever? That feelingalways fades amd you have to work at things to get back to any ssemblance of that. Otherwise you're just going to be in a constant cycle of new relationships to get that feeling. And you'll never really be happy.

saageex3 1 child; New York 5798 posts
9th Sep '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting 1inpink2inblue:</b>" No offense but did you really expect to feel in love forever? That feelingalways fades amd you have to ... [snip!] ... you're just going to be in a constant cycle of new relationships to get that feeling. And you'll never really be happy."</blockquote>




Yes. I think there is a huge difference between love and being in love. I think you can be in love and still have rough patches in your relationship but being IN love is what keeps you together. I don't feel in love with him and that is a big deal to me.

1inpink2inblue Switzerland 11961 posts
9th Sep '13
Quoting saageex3:" <blockquote><b>Quoting 1inpink2inblue:</b>" No offense but did you really expect to ... [snip!] ... in your relationship but being IN love is what keeps you together. I don't feel in love with him and that is a big deal to me."


No one stays IN love. Being IN love is what draws you together but at some point loving some one becomes a conscience decision. If you are not willing to work on keeping those feelings then you are doomed to be lonely forever because the same thing is going to happen over and over and over. You are never going to be IN love with anyone forever especially if you walk away the minute those feelings fade.

Housewife & Co 1 child; Washington, District of Columbia 600 posts
9th Sep '13

I think that movies give us a false impression of what love is supposed to be. The spark isn't gonna always be there regardless of who you're with. You both have to try & put effort into it

saageex3 1 child; New York 5798 posts
9th Sep '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting 1inpink2inblue:</b>" No one stays IN love. Being IN love is what draws you together but at some point loving some one becomes ... [snip!] ... and over. You are never going to be IN love with anyone forever especially if you walk away the minute those feelings fade."</blockquote>




I've been feeling this way for almost a year so I definitely didn't just walk away on faded feelings. We're complete opposites and have nothing In common. I think that no matter what you should always be in love. I think what draws you to someone is usually personality and how they carry themselves. I think no matter how you feel towards your SO whether you're happy, mad, sad etc being in love may deminish a little bit but in the end you're still in love.



I love my friends but I'm not IN love with them and that's what seperates them from people I actually want to spend a romantic life with. This is just how I see things and I don't think that me feeling that this is how it's suppose to be automatically makes me someone who will be unhappy in any relationship.

1inpink2inblue Switzerland 11961 posts
9th Sep '13
Quoting saageex3:" <blockquote><b>Quoting 1inpink2inblue:</b>" No one stays IN love. Being IN love is ... [snip!] ... that me feeling that this is how it's suppose to be automatically makes me someone who will be unhappy in any relationship."


But it will because it is completely unrealistic. I mean obviously at one point you were IN love with your SO right? And I am sure that he didn't just become complete opposites one night while you were together either. Being IN love is not REAL love. Not by a long shot. All being IN love does is blind you to the faults of the other person and them to yours. And you have your faults as well. But REAL love meanings that you wake up every day and act lovingly to your SO even if you don't feel like it. It is those conscience loving acts that bring the feelings of being IN love back and keep you together no matter what comes. Studies show it takes 3 years for people who are unhappy in their marriages to get to a place where they are happy again. 3 year might seem like a lot but it is nothing when compared to a lifetime.

Tick-Tock Due September 28; 2 kids; Dahlonega, GA, United States 149 posts
status 9th Sep '13

I'm still in love with my DH. *shrug* We're opposites, we've had some really hard times, and we don't always agree on things. But we compromise.



I like to go out and take the kids out. He does it to make me happy. He likes to stay home and lounge around... We do that some weekends instead. It's give and take. And not whining when you do something the other person wants to do (him, not you). I'm sure the crazy hours he works probably doesn't help him feel like compromising, but if he wants you and he wants your family, he has to work for it too.



I think putting effort into a relationship to keep each other happy and keep things fresh is what helps a couple feel that "in love" feeling. If not, things do get stale. Been there, and we chose to work to fix it.



But it takes both people to make that happen.

[[Breezy]] 1 child; Savannah, Georgia 15614 posts
10th Sep '13

Yeah, if you don't have feelings for him anymore, I would say go ahead and call it quits. That's not how you want to portray a loving relationship to Sophia either you know?

[[Breezy]] 1 child; Savannah, Georgia 15614 posts
10th Sep '13
Quoting 1inpink2inblue:" But it will because it is completely unrealistic. I mean obviously at one point you were IN love with ... [snip!] ... to get to a place where they are happy again. 3 year might seem like a lot but it is nothing when compared to a lifetime. "


I think you have a very skewed view of how relationships work and what love is lol, no offense hun. It's probably not your fault.



What you're talking about is "the honeymoon phase" of a relationship, which usually does fade, but what holds two people together is loving each other -- a romantic connection and a desire to be with the other person. It is not a conscious decision, just like feelings for another person having dissolved is not a conscious decision. Sometimes these things just happen. If she doesn't have romantic feelings for him anymore, it's not healthy for her to stay and she would be doing everyone involved a disservice, including their daughter.