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[[Breezy]] 1 child; Savannah, Georgia 12892 posts
status 10th Sep
Quoting Elliot Grace and TTC #2:" <blockquote><b>Quoting [[Breezy]]:</b>" No lol romantic does not mean sexual. That ... [snip!] ... the kind of love you'd share with a partner, not your mom for example lol)."</blockquote> Ooooh ok yes I agree then :)"


:P

Nobody232323 Alberta 73 posts
10th Sep

Someone told me that couples fall in and out of love all the time, as long as you don't fall out of love with each other at the same time.

1inpink2inblue Switzerland 11952 posts
10th Sep

<blockquote><b>Quoting Skelly Bird:</b>" Someone told me that couples fall in and out of love all the time, as long as you don't fall out of love with each other at the same time."</blockquote>




Lol I like that. That is kind of where the loving acts come in. Its like smiling. You force it for a while and suddenly you are doing it cause you feel like it. In the end it is easy to act lovingly when you feel like you are in love. But a sign of real love us being able to act lovingly even when you don't feel that way.

_______Nope_________ 23772 posts
10th Sep
Quoting saageex3:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Riley Elise:</b>" I've been going through this with my husband. ... [snip!] ... everyone would stay with their first SO they ever fell in love with and that is definitely not the case for many many people"


I think you sound a little like you've bought into this fantasy of what love is supposed to be. It isn't all flower and magic "in love" feeling. Things can become boring if you will, but that can be changed. I don't think people just naturally fall out of love unless they stop working at keeping that spark there. There is a level of comfort in relationships after a while, and people sometimes think it means they aren't in love anymore, but it isn't the case most of the time. They've simple settled into a different part of their relationship. It isn't all ups and downs like it was befoer, it's more stable. Sometimes people find this boring, but it isn't the relationship, that's the people in it usually not working to keep what they want.



At the end of the day either you want to be in the relationship or you don't. If he isn't doing anything wrong, then I'd guess it can be saved if you want it to be, and probably without a huge amount of difficulty. As in, you aren't overcoming addiction or abuse or anything like that. But, that's up to you. Whether or not you WANT to do the work to save it. It's okay if you don't, but it is still up to you and him.

[[Breezy]] 1 child; Savannah, Georgia 12892 posts
status 11th Sep
Quoting she nan igans:" I think you sound a little like you've bought into this fantasy of what love is supposed to be. It isn't ... [snip!] ... up to you. Whether or not you WANT to do the work to save it. It's okay if you don't, but it is still up to you and him. "


I honestly don't understand.



Why would you want to work at a relationship with someone you don't even want to be with anymore?



I think there's a big difference between not feeling the relationship anymore and not feeling the person. I'm understanding that she's not feeling her dude anymore, which is totally normal. I've definitely been there once before.

saageex3 1 child; New York 5767 posts
11th Sep

<blockquote><b>Quoting [[Breezy]]:</b>" I honestly don't understand. Why would you want to work at a relationship with someone you don't even ... [snip!] ... I'm understanding that she's not feeling her dude anymore, which is totally normal. I've definitely been there once before."</blockquote>




It's not that I don't want to be with him anymore, it's just that all the things wrong with us right how is making me question if I want to be in the relationship and if I am in fact, still in love. I very much do want to work it out but my problem is, this has been an on going battle between us. Everyone keeps saying I have this false image of love and I don't. There is obviously a years worth of damage but I'm not going to sit and name it all lol. I definitely know how I feel and how I SHOULD feel when it comes to my SO and at the moment, I'm not feeling like I should.



We talked and decided that we were going to work at it until we felt it wasn't fixable. I do agree with what someone posted about being able to fall back in love if you've fallen out of love with someone because I have seen it before. Maybe it'll take months to fix, maybe we seperate and wind up together 10 years down the line, or maybe we just don't work at all. I just don't want to feel like we didn't try in anyway to fix it but I do need him to be here with me physically and emotionally so I actually feel like we are together because right now, I dont

_______Nope_________ 23772 posts
11th Sep
Quoting [[Breezy]]:" I honestly don't understand. Why would you want to work at a relationship with someone you don't even ... [snip!] ... I'm understanding that she's not feeling her dude anymore, which is totally normal. I've definitely been there once before."


Because two people will not always feel that same way about one another, and that translates to the relationship. Worse, when they get that "bored" feeling, they start into the "the grass is greener" thinking, which makes the whole situation even worse.



IMO a relationship is not always easy, and a lot of people seem to feel when it gets hard, or boring, or you don't feel that spark it's time to quit because it can't be fixed. That isn't true. It CAN be fixed most of the time, if you want to fix it. I've been there, when my husband and I hit that "almost roomates" feeling. It was due to laziness on our parts mostly, and we worked, and it got better. Our marriage after being together for over 10 years isn't want it was at a year or two, but it's wonderful in a deeper and more solid way.

[[Breezy]] 1 child; Savannah, Georgia 12892 posts
status 11th Sep
Quoting saageex3:" <blockquote><b>Quoting [[Breezy]]:</b>" I honestly don't understand. Why would you ... [snip!] ... I do need him to be here with me physically and emotionally so I actually feel like we are together because right now, I dont"


Ohh okay...well then I definitely misunderstood because in the OP it sounded like your feelings for him were the problem, not your feelings towards the relationship.



With my ex, whom I dated for 3 years, we had a very turbulent relationship to say the least and toward the end, I wasn't feeling him anymore. We split and it was a great decision.
With James, whom I've also been together with for 3 years now, throughout everything that's been going on there have been times where I wasn't feeling the relationship, but ideally, I wanted him, so we've had to work to really keep things going, especially since the relationship has been long-distance for a while now, and I'm glad I decided to stay and work through the down times.

_______Nope_________ 23772 posts
11th Sep
Quoting [[Breezy]]:" Ohh okay...well then I definitely misunderstood because in the OP it sounded like your feelings for ... [snip!] ... since the relationship has been long-distance for a while now, and I'm glad I decided to stay and work through the down times."


It sounds like the first relationship had clear obvious classifiable issues. It wasn't a "I'm just not 'in love' with them anymore," it was a case where the relationship was turbulent and likely had specific issues. What I'm talking about is when people just don't feel that "spark" anymore. When they feel bored. When they just start thinking the grass is greener elsewhere. Nothing is wrong specifically. Nothing major at all, they just don't "feel it" anymore.



In those cases, yes, you can reconnect and get that spark back that people want. Relationships take work, and often that spark is gone when people get too comfortable and stop trying.

Freespirit Due August 29; 1 child; 1 angel baby; Michigan 3357 posts
11th Sep
Quoting Torey ♥:" I'm still in love with my DH. *shrug* We're opposites, we've had some really hard times, and we don't ... [snip!] ... If not, things do get stale. Been there, and we chose to work to fix it. But it takes both people to make that happen."

yes..! this :)

[[Breezy]] 1 child; Savannah, Georgia 12892 posts
status 11th Sep
Quoting she nan igans:" It sounds like the first relationship had clear obvious classifiable issues. It wasn't a "I'm just not ... [snip!] ... back that people want. Relationships take work, and often that spark is gone when people get too comfortable and stop trying. "


It was basically just a c*********k of everything you listed haha.

Kelsey1987 4 kids; 1 angel baby; Utah 735 posts
12th Sep

Id get counseling now my husband is exactly like you and i am like your SO my husband couldnt take it anymore and cheated on me and now were breaking up.

saageex3 1 child; New York 5767 posts
12th Sep

<blockquote><b>Quoting Kelsey *35 weeks*:</b>" Id get counseling now my husband is exactly like you and i am like your SO my husband couldnt take it anymore and cheated on me and now were breaking up."</blockquote>



I have enough respect for my SO as my partner, friend, and father of my daughter to never do that to him.

Kelsey1987 4 kids; 1 angel baby; Utah 735 posts
12th Sep

Good please dont cuz it sucks so bad to find that out