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LayLu (girl); 17 kids; Virginia 4007 posts
11th Sep '13
Quoting she nan igans:" Yeah, but obviously it's written TO women, even if the title doesn't specifically say that. That's ... [snip!] ... being upset that there are no things about what women should do. It's written to a targeted audience. In this case, to women."


Well once you start reading the list, yeah, you realize it's specifically for women, but nowhere does it say it was written by a woman.



And what's with all the analogies? :lol:

Bad Things 1 child; Blacksburg, SC, United States 18491 posts
status 11th Sep '13

I guess I just feel its all sort of old fashioned, as well a quoting from a book that doesn't really represent how to treat women and children as great.

LayLu (girl); 17 kids; Virginia 4007 posts
11th Sep '13
Quoting Bad Things:" I guess I just feel its all sort of old fashioned, as well a quoting from a book that doesn't really represent how to treat women and children as great."


Also what I was getting at lol. "Old fashioned"

_______Nope_________ 23772 posts
11th Sep '13
Quoting LayLu:" Well once you start reading the list, yeah, you realize it's specifically for women, but nowhere does it say it was written by a woman. And what's with all the analogies? :lol:"


I'm big on analogies, haha.



I think women are far too focused sometimes on "well what about ME?" I mean, the list is generally good on how to treat your husband. He should treat his wife the same way, but that doesn't negate how a wife should treat her husband, you know? It feels like the mere mention of giving men "respect" makes women go "this isn't the 50's!" Well, why is being respectful and loving and generous and patient something only from the 50's? Isn't that the type of person we try to teach our kids to be?

LayLu (girl); 17 kids; Virginia 4007 posts
11th Sep '13
Quoting she nan igans:" I'm big on analogies, haha. I think women are far too focused sometimes on "well what about ME?" I ... [snip!] ... and loving and generous and patient something only from the 50's? Isn't that the type of person we try to teach our kids to be?"


I just wasn't expecting it to be a list of what women should do for their husbands.. like I said, it doesn't say it was written by a woman and nowhere in the beginning does it indicate that it's from a wife's point of view. Like you said, a relationship goes both ways, both should be giving and receiving respect, which is also why I was expecting a list of mutual actions both the wife and husband should take to have a long lasting relationship together.

_______Nope_________ 23772 posts
11th Sep '13
Quoting LayLu:" I just wasn't expecting it to be a list of what women should do for their husbands.. like I said, it ... [snip!] ... I was expecting a list of mutual actions both the wife and husband should take to have a long lasting relationship together."


I guess it's just me, but that point was sort of obvious. I'd guess it was written to an audience she has (a blog or FB page) where the vast majority of her readers are women. This is also why it was posted on a site here with most women.



Have qualms with some of the advice, fine, but it is just really obvious it is written TO women, and thus wont be addressing advice for men. Now that you realize it is written for women (even if it didn't say it) do you feel better about it? I think you probably don't like the advice rather then feeling like it's just written towards women, since it's sort of obvious it's written for women.

LayLu (girl); 17 kids; Virginia 4007 posts
11th Sep '13
Quoting she nan igans:" I guess it's just me, but that point was sort of obvious. I'd guess it was written to an audience she ... [snip!] ... like the advice rather then feeling like it's just written towards women, since it's sort of obvious it's written for women."


Yeah, I agree with most of it. :) Not the "put him before your children" part, but most of it sounds about right. Of course I expect him to do the same for me as well. :P I don't like the religious aspect though, but I'm not a religious person.

*KatteyBug* 2 kids; My City, AL, United States 2504 posts
11th Sep '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting LayLu:</b>" Yeah, I agree with most of it. :) Not the "put him before your children" part, but most of it sounds ... [snip!] ... course I expect him to do the same for me as well. :P I don't like the religious aspect though, but I'm not a religious person."</blockquote>




I have a bit of an issue with putting him before my children, it's a biblical thing, but I still don't fully understand why. But he's always put us first (also biblical) so I guess in a way it evens out, because I can trust him to make a decision putting out daughters best interests first.

Bad Things 1 child; Blacksburg, SC, United States 18491 posts
status 11th Sep '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting LayLu:</b>" Yeah, I agree with most of it. :) Not the "put him before your children" part, but most of it sounds ... [snip!] ... course I expect him to do the same for me as well. :P I don't like the religious aspect though, but I'm not a religious person."</blockquote>




I agree.



And the whole isolate people who don't approve of your husband deal. That's a bit controlling to me, in a sense.

_______Nope_________ 23772 posts
11th Sep '13
Quoting *KatteyBug*:" <blockquote><b>Quoting LayLu:</b>" Yeah, I agree with most of it. :) Not the "put ... [snip!] ... so I guess in a way it evens out, because I can trust him to make a decision putting out daughters best interests first."


In my opinion, it has to do with making your relationship a priority. A lot of times, when kids come, we mothers tend to focus so much on our kids that we neglect our relationship. In my house the relationship between my husband and I is a foundation of our entire family. It centers us all. It is the focal point. That means that I have to commit time to THAT relationship and not ignore it for the kids.



If that relationship is healthy, then the kids are typically taken care of as well. It's a juggling act, of course, but I think when people think about what putting someone "first" means they mistake it, or at least compared to what I think it means. My kids and my husbands are priorities at different times in different ways. Obviously if my kids NEED something, that comes first. Likewise, if my husband NEEDS something, that will come first.



My kids will grow up, and move out, by with luck and hard work my husband and I are together until we die. That relationship NEEDS to also be a priority, just in a different way than the kids.

_______Nope_________ 23772 posts
11th Sep '13
Quoting Bad Things:" <blockquote><b>Quoting LayLu:</b>" Yeah, I agree with most of it. :) Not the "put ... [snip!] ... I agree. And the whole isolate people who don't approve of your husband deal. That's a bit controlling to me, in a sense."


It doesn't say approve of your husband, it says support your marriage. You would want to be with friends who constantly try to undermine and destroy your marriage? Lord knows I wouldn't. If they can't be supportive of me and my priorities and my life, why would I want to be around them?

*KatteyBug* 2 kids; My City, AL, United States 2504 posts
11th Sep '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting she nan igans:</b>" In my opinion, it has to do with making your relationship a priority. A lot of times, when kids come, ... [snip!] ... husband and I are together until we die. That relationship NEEDS to also be a priority, just in a different way than the kids."</blockquote>




That makes sense, I didn't really think of it that way. It is hard to focus on both at the same time.

*Mrs.Parker* 3 kids; Odessa, Texas 162 posts
11th Sep '13

I took some pre marriage counseling and everything on list way said but for both of us, the woman should be treated just how they treat the man, the pit ur husband thing is from the bible and the reason why they say it, is bc one day your kids will grow up and move out but your husband will allways be there with you.!