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Just STOP! Vent Yaj +2 1/2 Due December 29; 18 kids; Longueuil, Quebec 27 posts
11th Sep

My fiancee keeps bringing up events that happened in my life that hurt me a lot. I try to tell her to forget about it or not talk about it but she insists. She want to know everything and wants to help but i deal with it by trying not to think about it or talk about it.....



For example i had my daughter when i was 16 and last spring she married a man that is no good for her and ran off to ile maurice to live with him and she changed her full name, said she hates her family and f**k us all....it breaks my heart but i dont want it brought up all the time. i know we're having a baby together and my fiancee wants to know more to know what to tell our lil girl, but i feel thats a story for me to tell her and we dont have to worry about that for a bit. Shes not even born yet.



Then theres the fact that my son wants nothing to do with me either because my ex wife keeps telling him how im a p***e o* s**t, i pay child support but she never mentions any of that to him and says that she gets him his ps3 and xbox and it wasn't things i sent him for his birthday....its heartbreaking, courts dont want to help me so i just am letting dead dogs lie. Fiancee keeps saying not to give up but I tried everything absolutely everything and i just have to wait for him to come to me.



How can i have her understand to just let it go and its my burden to bear?

The Bear and The Bird 2 kids; Vantaa, Finland 42577 posts
11th Sep

Ignoring problems causes more.



How can you stop fighting for visitation for your kid :?

kthx. TTC since Nov 2012; Cleves, Ohio 65258 posts
11th Sep

Just tell her. Women like to know everything... it's just our DNA :lol: But if you tell her that it's really upsetting you, she'll back off. She wouldn't want you rehashing a topic that makes her uncomfortable... so she needs to stop doing it to you.

Jive TTC since Aug 2013; 33 kids; South Carolina 25217 posts
11th Sep

Sometimes we think we are only trying to help. Maybe wrote her a letter, expressing how you feel. Sometimes it is easier to see the words and get it.

kthx. TTC since Nov 2012; Cleves, Ohio 65258 posts
11th Sep
Quoting The Bear and The Bird:" Ignoring problems causes more. How can you stop fighting for visitation for your kid :?"


Sometimes it's a moot point. And costs a lot more money than families have. I'm sure he loves his son... but courts favor the mother. If she isn't physically/mentally/emotionally abusing him or letting him go without.. and OP is still paying child support.... they give no f**ks. My parents went through a hellacious custody battle with my sister and I for years. It did nothing but make me resent my dad for the longest time.

user banned 2 kids; Hamilton, Ontario 19220 posts
11th Sep

Im sure her worries stem from the current relationships or lack or relationships you have with your children. Assure her that this wont happen with the new baby, what you tend to change, do, etc. Then ask her to please stop bringing up matters that she really has nothing to do with as it upsets you so much. Good luck!

Yaj +2 1/2 Due December 29; 18 kids; Longueuil, Quebec 27 posts
11th Sep
Quoting kthx.:" Sometimes it's a moot point. And costs a lot more money than families have. I'm sure he loves his son... ... [snip!] ... a hellacious custody battle with my sister and I for years. It did nothing but make me resent my dad for the longest time."


if the father isnt in the child's life for 3 years he is considered unknown with no rights....i chased my ex wife across the north american continent because she kept moving away to get her 3 years and sadly she got them. I pay child support not because of a court order but because I want my son to be taken care of. Last time I tried for visitation they said that I am not on the birth certificate (she didnt tell me she was in labor and I was out of town on business so she put unknown on the father side) and that i hadn't been in his life for 3 years so i could not get rights. It breaks my heart but there is nothing that I can do

Yaj +2 1/2 Due December 29; 18 kids; Longueuil, Quebec 27 posts
11th Sep
Quoting A Beautiful Disaster:" Im sure her worries stem from the current relationships or lack or relationships you have with your children. ... [snip!] ... Then ask her to please stop bringing up matters that she really has nothing to do with as it upsets you so much. Good luck!"

Thank you, yes this time I will be there no matter what for the birth and to sign the birth certificate and watch our baby grow up, I had an out of town job that I quit and now I have a job I can walk to every day so that I can be there for her and the baby. I cant lose a 3rd one. She said its my fresh start and thats all i want

user banned 2 kids; Hamilton, Ontario 19220 posts
11th Sep
Quoting Yaj +2 1/2:" Thank you, yes this time I will be there no matter what for the birth and to sign the birth certificate ... [snip!] ... every day so that I can be there for her and the baby. I cant lose a 3rd one. She said its my fresh start and thats all i want"


if she says fresh start...id go with that, tell her a fresh start means leaving your past in your past!

NavyBrat Due March 12; 1 child; Buna, Texas 151 posts
11th Sep

It sounds like he isn't geographically close to the child if he has to send his birthday presents.



But anyway I understand . . . kinda. I have a DSS and his mother tells him things about my DH all the time. Sometimes when it comes to that you just keep doing the things you are doing (paying child support, sending presents, etc.) and then as the child grows up and starts to question. Which they all do. I know I did and mine didn't do any of the things that you are doing for your son. He will look you up and see how much you love him.



As for your SO tell her she needs to calm down a little. Even if you sat and told her everything there is nothing she can do right this second to fix it all. I've been with my DH for 7 years now and we are still learning things about eachother's past and that's ok too. As for what to tell your DD tell her that you love her. That she has a brother and a sister and that you love them too. She won't need to know the dirt till she's older and starts asking questions anyway. That's when you and your SO should decide just how much she needs to know.



Good luck.

kthx. TTC since Nov 2012; Cleves, Ohio 65258 posts
11th Sep
Quoting Yaj +2 1/2:" if the father isnt in the child's life for 3 years he is considered unknown with no rights....i chased ... [snip!] ... and that i hadn't been in his life for 3 years so i could not get rights. It breaks my heart but there is nothing that I can do"


I'm so sorry :( I hate women like that. Your child shouldn't be punished because things between you two didn't work out.