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If you were cheated on Kylie's👣Mommy. 1 child; 1 angel baby; Texas 3431 posts
13th Sep '13

Would you want to know? Why or why not?



If yes would you still want to know if it happened years ago, and never reoccurred?



I'm asking because I was reading on fb. Someone admitted to cheating on his gf of 5 years.. And so many people were saying not to tell her. Or she rather not know. Etc.

_______Nope_________ 23772 posts
13th Sep '13

If it happened once, years ago, and has never happened again, the person is no longer in their life or anything, I'd rather not know. I don't think I could really forgive it, even if it would never happen again. It would really break a lot of what is between us, and if it isn't affecting us now, I don't think I'd want to know.

tinana+2 TTC since Nov 2013; 2 kids; Staten Island, NY, United States 29537 posts
13th Sep '13

I would want to know. It's a violation of trust and love and commitment.

**Blessed_Insanity** 7 kids; Wyoming 18708 posts
status 13th Sep '13

Of course I would want to know.

CJKB+JMB=AMB 1 child; Watertown, New York 2525 posts
13th Sep '13

I would definitely want to know,weather it was recent or years ago.I would leave him if it was recent, if it was when we first got together... I would probably work things out

Kylie's👣Mommy. 1 child; 1 angel baby; Texas 3431 posts
13th Sep '13

I would want to know.



I was cheated on but DH and he told me the next day. Most people say they wouldn't want to know. But I'm glad he told me. It's been about a year and we're just now about done fixing things.

user banned 33 kids; British Columbia 2986 posts
13th Sep '13
Quoting tinana+2:" I would want to know. It's a violation of trust and love and commitment. "


:!:

ℐustice ℛenee Due November 17 (boy); 1 child; Georgia 1060 posts
13th Sep '13
Quoting she nan igans:" If it happened once, years ago, and has never happened again, the person is no longer in their life or ... [snip!] ... again. It would really break a lot of what is between us, and if it isn't affecting us now, I don't think I'd want to know."


I agree with this! If it happened more than once, happened recently, or if he was still fooling around with someone else then I'd want to know, and his sorry ass would be history.

Clk 2 kids; Dexter, Michigan 11930 posts
13th Sep '13

Yes I would want to know. My husband and I have discussed cheating before, it is something we would divorce for. This goes for physical as well as emotional cheating. It's a very big deal in our eyes.

_______Nope_________ 23772 posts
13th Sep '13
Quoting ℐustice ℛenee:" I agree with this! If it happened more than once, happened recently, or if he was still fooling around with someone else then I'd want to know, and his sorry ass would be history. "


And see, that's the issue. I'd want to know when it happened. However, if I didn't know, and we were years later, and our life was wonderful, what is the point?



We'd both be hurt and maybe break up when our lives otherwise were great. I feel like if it really is in the past, than maybe it isn't worth the hurt and risk. Sometimes you should let sleeping dog lie.

ℐustice ℛenee Due November 17 (boy); 1 child; Georgia 1060 posts
13th Sep '13
Quoting she nan igans:" And see, that's the issue. I'd want to know when it happened. However, if I didn't know, and we were ... [snip!] ... feel like if it really is in the past, than maybe it isn't worth the hurt and risk. Sometimes you should let sleeping dog lie. "


Yeah, there's no reason to bring the past up if everything's fine and he's not doing it anymore.

**Blessed_Insanity** 7 kids; Wyoming 18708 posts
status 13th Sep '13
Quoting Clk:" Yes I would want to know. My husband and I have discussed cheating before, it is something we would divorce for. This goes for physical as well as emotional cheating. It's a very big deal in our eyes."



I totally agree, both physical and emotional cheating would be one of the only things I would divorce for.

That girl Amber +2 2 kids; California 6981 posts
13th Sep '13

I found out a year after it happened. I would rather know

Gosloving 1 child; Washington 12831 posts
13th Sep '13

How does his GF not know? Doesn't he have her on FB?



Anyways, I would want to know. I hope DH would have enough balls to tell, me. I'm a firm believer that the truth always comes out. Sooner or later. I'd be more pissed off if he didn't tell me and later on I found out, rather than him coming clean to me. I'd try to work things out if I heard it from him the moment it happened. I would walk away and never look back if I had to hear it from somebody else.

_______Nope_________ 23772 posts
13th Sep '13
Quoting ℐustice ℛenee:" Yeah, there's no reason to bring the past up if everything's fine and he's not doing it anymore."


Maybe I feel this way because I saw a friend go through this. He'd had an emotional affair before they were married. They had never actually slept together or anything. It was wrong, he knew it, but he and his future wife were goign through a rough patch. He ended up breaking it off and didn't speak to the other woman again. He and his now wife got married, had kids, were very happy but he had wondered if he should have told her later. Yeah, ideally he would have said something THEN, but he didn't. So he had to decide if it was worth hurting her and risking all they had 6 years later, or if it was better to just not say anything.



Sometimes bringing up old stuff doesn't help anything. After a certain amount of time we are different people, in a different place in our lives, and bringing up old things can just end up hurting everyone with no upside.