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Is he waiting on me?? Dude, you Fugly! 18 kids; Winston-Salem, North Carolina 19869 posts
19th Sep '13

SO and I have "talked" about marriage and have agreed we should do it sometime before this year is up. But, we really haven't "talked" into details about anything. We have mentioned eloping, then a small wedding, then a big wedding. That's just about it. He's been saying awhile now he wants to get married, but I'm just not sure if he's as serious about this thing as I am. & He says "I'm not sure if your ready." I'm just a little confused about it because he never really seems to want to talk about it. I haven't tried at all to plan anything. I haven't even looked at dresses yet. Today I was thinking, maybe that's why he doesn't think I'm ready...because I haven't gone out and done anything like most women would. I know in my first marriage as soon as ex husband mentioned marriage, the next day I was out looking at dresses. Maybe SO see's this and thinks I'm not really ready? What do you think? I just don't want to plan and it not be what HE wants too. What should I do to make him see I'm serious without it causing stress?

user banned 2 kids; Medina, New York 1612 posts
19th Sep '13

You're 23 and going on your second marriage? Why rush? Maybe you aren't ready.

Mrs.Mud 6 kids; 2 angel babies; North Dakota 3279 posts
19th Sep '13

Has he proposed? Seems silly to set a date, start planning and looking at dresses if he hasn't even officially proposed. Talking about marriage and actually being engaged are 2 very different things. You usually don't start planning until after the engagement.

Mother of One plus One 2 kids; Ware Shoals, South Carolina 4418 posts
19th Sep '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting [JiLLiAN]:</b>" You're 23 and going on your second marriage? Why rush? Maybe you aren't ready."</blockquote>



Why do you care how many times she has been married?



OP, a lot of people talk about getting married. Sounds like he hasn't even really asked so I would cross that bridge first. He's the one who hasn't proposed, maybe he isn't ready.

Dude, you Fugly! 18 kids; Winston-Salem, North Carolina 19869 posts
19th Sep '13
Quoting [JiLLiAN]:" You're 23 and going on your second marriage? Why rush? Maybe you aren't ready."



Yes 23 & second marriage. I love being married! I just don't see a point in us shackin' up anymore. I mean we have things together. We are TTC a baby...why wait?

GatorMommy7141031 2 kids; Jacksonville, FL, United States 536 posts
19th Sep '13

Open the lines of communication and TALK to him! Seems to me that he's not waiting on you, he may be the one who isn't ready. Ask him questions without being pushy. Let him know you are ready, you have been waiting for input from him. If he's not ready and wants to wait a bit longer than so be it. There's nothing wrong with waiting. There may be an underlying issue that he's not talking to you about. If you can't open up and ask him questions and or talk to him about something like marriage and or a wedding then what's the point in being with him (not to be blunt or rude but seriously if you can't talk to him now how are you supposed to talk to him later about bigger issues.)

user banned 2 kids; Medina, New York 1612 posts
19th Sep '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Dude, you Fugly!:</b>" Yes 23 & second marriage. I love being married! I just don't see a point in us shackin' up anymore. I mean we have things together. We are TTC a baby...why wait?"</blockquote>




Well if you feel you're really ready just tell him. Do you want a big or small wedding? Just come up with a plan and be excited to present it to him.

Dude, you Fugly! 18 kids; Winston-Salem, North Carolina 19869 posts
19th Sep '13
Quoting Mrs.Mud:" Has he proposed? Seems silly to set a date, start planning and looking at dresses if he hasn't even officially ... [snip!] ... marriage and actually being engaged are 2 very different things. You usually don't start planning until after the engagement."



Yes, we are engaged. Have been since May 3rd 2013. So going on 1/2 a year.

user banned 2 kids; Medina, New York 1612 posts
19th Sep '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Dude, you Fugly!:</b>" Yes, we are engaged. Have been since May 3rd 2013. So going on 1/2 a year."</blockquote>



I've been engaged almost a year and have absolutely no desire to plan a wedding lol. I want to get married, I don't want a wedding but SO does.

Dude, you Fugly! 18 kids; Winston-Salem, North Carolina 19869 posts
19th Sep '13
Quoting Nicole Card:" Open the lines of communication and TALK to him! Seems to me that he's not waiting on you, he may be ... [snip!] ... to be blunt or rude but seriously if you can't talk to him now how are you supposed to talk to him later about bigger issues.)"


We have talked about that issue. & he says he's ready, but doesn't think I am. So that's why he avoids going into depth about wedding plans. But I feel I may be the blame for that because I haven't put in any effort of ideas and looking at stuff..but only because I would like his input too. Maybe I should just go out take pictures, and show him I am interested and want this and he'll follow along. idk.

GatorMommy7141031 2 kids; Jacksonville, FL, United States 536 posts
19th Sep '13
Quoting Dude, you Fugly!:" We have talked about that issue. & he says he's ready, but doesn't think I am. So that's why he avoids ... [snip!] ... input too. Maybe I should just go out take pictures, and show him I am interested and want this and he'll follow along. idk."


Then maybe he's like my hubby was. After I told him around when I wanted to do it he said pick the exact date. Tell me where to get my tux. Tell me where to be and what time to be there then the rest is up to you. He might be one of those kind of men that don't want anything to do with it until the day of. It wasn't that my hubby wasn't interested he just didn't have time to deal with the nitty gritty due to his work schedule.

Dude, you Fugly! 18 kids; Winston-Salem, North Carolina 19869 posts
19th Sep '13
Quoting Nicole Card:" Then maybe he's like my hubby was. After I told him around when I wanted to do it he said pick the exact ... [snip!] ... of. It wasn't that my hubby wasn't interested he just didn't have time to deal with the nitty gritty due to his work schedule."



Yeah, that's what I'm saying "Is he waiting on me?" SO is a contractor & he is always stressed with work...so maybe he's just waiting on me to do it...to make him feel, I'm ready.

Amy Pond Due August 28; 2 kids; Wichita, Kansas 867 posts
19th Sep '13

I was on my 2nd marriage at 18!!



Married at 17, divorced April of 18yr.. Then married in nov right before I turned 19 after knowing my DH 3mo. Going strong 5yr later...



Just saying.

user banned 2 kids; Medina, New York 1612 posts
19th Sep '13
Quoting Amy Pond:" I was on my 2nd marriage at 18!! Married at 17, divorced April of 18yr.. Then married in nov right before I turned 19 after knowing my DH 3mo. Going strong 5yr later... Just saying."

I wasn't judging/bashing, just maybe that's a reason why he thinks she's not ready. He even just said he thinks she's been with a lot of people :roll:

Dude, you Fugly! 18 kids; Winston-Salem, North Carolina 19869 posts
19th Sep '13
Quoting [JiLLiAN]:" I wasn't judging/bashing, just maybe that's a reason why he thinks she's not ready. He even just said he thinks she's been with a lot of people :roll: "



I'm not sure if he was strictly referring to me in that situation...but he seems to think that itself is alot for a 23 yld. He doesn't rub it in my face or my past at all. We were on the topic and its just what he said...but however, I did fit the description. But that has nothing to do with getting married. If that was a problem for him, then we wouldn't be together for this long. He's just that type.